Never Let Go
by Kare831
Summary: Torn apart by life and circumstances, childhood friends cling to a bond that is tested time and time again. Pinkies entwined, they vow to never let go – especially when they need to hold on the most.
1. Chapter 1

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

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Just a warning – this is no Actorward and I'm not sure this even measures up to that story but this was in my head long before that story came about. There's a much different tenor to these characters and I hope you like it.

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Never Let Go

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Chapter One

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Forks, Washington - the kind of town where everyone knew everyone else and there were no secrets. Gossip was traded like playing cards in a game of Go-Fish at the local diner over coffee. My parents separated when I was ten years old. I'm sure there was a lot of talk when my mother packed us up and left – fed up with the monotonous life that Forks had to offer.

I was a daddy's girl from the get go. There was never a moment in my life that I don't recall my dad being there. Charlie was a quiet man, but he was no nonsense when it came to business and he always had a smile for me.

I was heartbroken when we left. I came home from school one day to find my room completely void of all my worldly possessions and my parents having a heated conversation behind closed doors. I watched as we pulled away from the house – my hand pressed against the window. My dad pressed his hand against the other side and I watched as tears fell down his face.

"Everything will be fine, Bella," My mom promised as we drove north on the one-oh-one.

I didn't even have a chance to tell Edward goodbye. He was my best friend and he'd be so hurt.

My friend, who I played hours on end with, as we grew up. Sometimes in his tree house, sometimes in his room or mine, it just depended whose house we were at. Star Wars, Voltron, He-Man and She-Ra – we loved them all and Edward kept the girl figures just for me. On warm, summer days, we'd run down to the corner store for a cold Coca-Cola and a pack of candy cigarettes. We'd sit under the umbrella of the huge oak tree in his parent's backyard suckling on honeysuckle blossoms in the warm, summer rain. Each and every one of those memories meant something to me – he meant something to me, and I couldn't leave without seeing him one more time.

"Mom! Edward! I have to say goodbye to Edward!"

"Honey … we need to get on the road. I want to get a few miles behind us before we stop for the night."

"Please, Mom? He's my best friend."

We pulled in to the long driveway that led us to the majestic white house that Edward and his parents lived in. Edward was outside playing with his black lab, Rocket, when we pulled up. Esme sat on the porch swing watching them play, sitting with her legs tucked under her laughing at her son and his dog.

"Bella!" Edward yelled as we pulled up.

Rocket jumped around us yipping – he was just as excited to see me as Edward was.

"Mom! Can Bella and I go play in the tree house?"

"Sure honey, but be careful. Don't let Bella get hurt."

My mom joined Esme and they followed the porch around the house to sit in the Adirondack chairs on the back stoop – always keeping their eyes on us as we climbed up the ladder to the tree house.

"Edward?" I said softly.

"Huh?"

"I didn't come over to play," I said sadly.

Edward took in the sad look on my face.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"My mom and I are leaving."

"Why? You just got here."

"We're not going to live with my daddy anymore. I won't be going to school anymore. My mom is taking me with her."

"Where are you going?"

I couldn't answer him because I honestly didn't have an answer to give.

"When you have an address, write me and I'll write you back … all the time, Bella. You're my best friend, and I'll never ever forget you," Edward promised.

"I will," I whispered as I climbed back into my mom's car.

Esme wrapped her arm around Edward's shoulders and I watched as both of them wiped away their tears and waved as we made our way down the drive.

Days later, we arrived in Carmel, California. It was a little seaside community that reminded me of La Push without the Quileute influence. The ocean and landscape were beautiful and relaxing.

"What do you think, Bella? Think you'd like to live near the ocean?"

"We lived near the ocean in Forks, Mom."

She laughed.

"Honey … we could get a house here and you could walk to the beach. Wouldn't that be nice?"

"I miss Daddy."

"I know, Sweetie, but you'll see Daddy over the summer."

My mom enrolled me in school and we found a small cottage for rent not far from the beach. Not long after I started school, she started substitute teaching at the same school I attended. It was early April and I didn't find the weather to be much different than Forks. Maybe it didn't rain as much which meant that I couldn't wear my favorite pink polka dot raincoat and boots to school, but it was foggy and chilly and usually the sun didn't make an appearance until after noon.

I missed my bike that my daddy bought me – it was shiny blue metallic and had a white banana seat with little yellow daisies on it. The best part was that it had a bell with Donald Duck on it. Mom said there wasn't enough room to take it with us so I had to leave it behind with daddy and he promised that he'd keep it safe for me and I could ride it as much as I wanted when I came to visit him. I couldn't wait for summer.

I wrote Edward letters every day. I missed him and my dad so much it made my heart hurt. I told him as much in every letter I wrote to him. Usually I just saved up my letters and mailed them once a week. Edward wrote me back and told me that he didn't care as long as I continued to write them. He did the same to me, writing a letter every day after school and then saving them up and mailing them once a week. We even mailed them on the same day so we'd know to expect them a few days later and we could pretend that we were reading them at the same time.

My mom allowed me to talk to Edward on the phone once every two weeks and that phone call was like a lifeline. It was the only thing that kept me going.

We only stayed in Carmel for a couple of years. My mom decided that she didn't like the weather. She didn't care to drive in the fog and she said it reminded her too much of Forks. So again, at the age of twelve, I found myself helping my mother pack up our car and we were on our way.

"Pick a place, baby. Somewhere that sounds … interesting," my mother said, handing me a map.

"Forks is interesting. Can we go there?"

My mother frowned.

"Bella, we've been over this, baby. Forks has nothing for us. I know you miss your daddy, sweetie, but you see him as often as you can. Doesn't that make the time you have with him more special?"

We ended up in Las Vegas, Nevada. Thankfully it was the beginning of June and we'd moved just after school ended. The weather was hot and dry – nothing like the weather I was used to – at all. At first, we just stayed in a little motel that let us rent by the week. Mom got a job as a waitress in one of the casinos. Dad and Edward both hated that I was alone while Mom was working, but the lady who ran the hotel was a nice older lady and she promised Mom she'd watch over me and Mom was quick to reassure both Dad and Edward of that. When we could afford it, we moved into a nice little apartment complex close to a school with a good reputation.

School was about the only thing I actually looked forward to since we'd left Washington. I really loved school, especially English and History. When I began middle school, I'd even taken an interest in Choir. We had a piano in our house when I was younger because my mom used to play. For some strange reason she decided to rearrange the furniture and while she loved the arrangement, she decided the piano didn't fit so she put an ad in the paper and sold our beautiful, upright cherry piano for one hundred dollars.

I felt so hurt when she did that – I'd wanted for so long to learn to play but every time I even went near the keys my mom would yell.

"Don't touch that piano!"

So when I started school in Las Vegas, I was quick to enroll in choir. I'd always loved to sing. I'd sing in the shower and when I was in my room listening to music I'd sing along. My voice always made Edward smile. He always told me my voice was sweet like an angel. Rosalie on the other hand said it was like nails on a chalkboard.

When I walked into the music room that very first day – I was shocked to learn that we actually had to audition. I knew nothing about reading music, sight singing, scales or warm-ups. The teacher was an older gentleman with a warm smile. He introduced himself as Mr. C.

"Don't look so frightened, dear. Just follow along with the rest of the class."

A girl I'd recognized from my English and Spanish classes waved me over to stand by her. I did my best to sing along with the rest of the class. When it was my turn to step up to the piano my stomach fell to my toes.

"Take a deep breath, close your eyes. Listen to the notes. Hear the notes and try to mimic the sound of the piano with your voice. Understand?"

I nodded.

The notes began and I softly began to sing the notes I heard being played for me.

"Very good. Now can you sing "My Country Tis of Thee?"

I nodded again and Mr. C played a single note and indicated that would be the pitch I would start on.

I had no idea what pitch was but I memorized the sound of it in my head and that's the tone I started with. I nervously made my way through the song, feeling very much out of breath by the time I'd finished.

"Beautiful, Isabella. You'll be in the Alto section for now."

When I got home from school that afternoon, I let myself into our apartment and I couldn't wait to call Edward. I was hoping that I'd be able to call him before Mom got home, but I knew it would take him a little longer to get home, so all I could do was sit and wait. I decided to work on some of my homework but before I could even get my book out of my bag, the phone rang.

_Edward_.

"I was just going to call you!" I said excitedly after we'd gotten our hellos out of the way.

"You were?"

"Yes! I wanted to tell you about school today."

Suddenly I launched into telling him everything about my first day at school.

"You auditioned for the choir? That's awesome. I'm so proud of you."

"Really?"

"Definitely. I wish I could have been there though. I miss hearing you sing," Edward said sadly.

"I just miss you. How was your day at school?"

"Good. There's a new girl – her name is Alice Brandon. I think Jazz has a crush on her already."

I giggled.

"I bet that went over really well with Rosalie. What did she think of her?"

"Rosalie thinks she's creepy. She didn't even talk to her, but you know Rosalie."

"Mmmhmm. And what did you think of her Eddie?"

"Stop, Bella. She's nice. She's in my music class. She plays the flute."

A pang of jealousy washed over me because this new girl got to share a class with Edward and I didn't. It had been almost a year since I'd last seen him. I'd gone home to Forks for a couple weeks with my Dad but Edward unfortunately was in Chicago visiting his grandparents and we'd missed each other. I begged to stay longer, but my mom wouldn't hear of it because I needed to get ready to start school. Dad promised me that I could come back the day school got out for winter break and stay until it was time to go back to school.

"I hate that we missed each other over the summer," Edward said quietly.

"Me too. But I'll be there for Christmas."

"I know. My mom and I saw Charlie at the store the other day. They talked about it. We were supposed to go to Chicago again but my mom thinks it would be better to stay here. I think they're planning on everyone getting together for Christmas. That would be nice – especially with you here."

The time between that first day of school and Christmas break dragged by – painfully so. True to his word, Charlie booked me a ticket out of Las Vegas leaving a few hours after school got out for the holidays. I didn't have to be back to school until the second week in January and I couldn't wait to get to Washington.

Charlie met me at the airport and I couldn't help my excitement as I climbed into the cab of his truck.

"Excited to be home, Bells?"

"I am, Daddy. I miss it here. I miss you and I miss Edward."

"I know, baby girl. We miss you too."

I felt a sense of calm wash over me as I climbed into my old bed that night. My room was just as it was when my mom and I had left.

The next morning, I padded down the stairs to find my dad in the kitchen stirring milk into some oatmeal.

"It's really cold out there this morning and we're supposed to have some bad weather coming through tonight. I have to go into work for a few hours, but Esme promised that she'd be by to pick you up. We're having dinner with the Cullen's tonight."

"Okay." I smiled.

Esme called a little bit later to let me know she'd pick me up around eleven. I promised I'd be ready for her.

I was so anxious to see Edward I thought I'd pace a hole in the floor. When Esme's car pulled into the driveway a few minutes before eleven, I couldn't put on my coat and scarf quick enough. My heart fell when I realized that Edward wasn't with Esme, but she assured me that he was doing his chores and should be done by the time we got to their house.

I helped Esme carry in the groceries that she'd picked up that morning and I'd just finished setting the last bag on the counter when Edward walked into the kitchen.

"Bella!"

Even at thirteen and how awkward it was with boys there was never any awkwardness with Edward. He was taller than I remembered but he'd always been taller than me. I took one look at his happy face and immediately stepped toward him to pull him into a hug. He quickly wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly before stepping back to look at me once again.

"You look so … different, but still the same. How can that happen?" He chuckled.

My hair was longer and I had bangs now whereas I didn't the last time I'd seen Edward. I'd also gotten my period and thankfully my breasts were starting to fill out. I wasn't the skinny flat chested little girl I once was. Edward's eyes took in everything.

Edward hooked his pinky with mine – something we'd done ever since we were little and led me downstairs to the family room in their basement.

"Want to play Mario?" He asked.

"Super Mario 3?"

"Yeah." He smiled.

"I haven't played it yet, but I heard it's great."

"It's awesome. I have the cheat book … come on let's play."

I don't know how long Edward and I sat and played video games. We chatted back and forth as we played – falling back into our old routine of being with each other so easily. Esme brought us down some sandwiches and Kool-Aid. We played until we heard the sounds of our father's walking through the front door.

"Did you have a good time this afternoon, Bella?"

"Mmmhmm. Edward and I just played video games and talked. I miss that. I don't get to do stuff like that when I'm with Mom. She won't let me have friends over unless she's home which is only in the evenings, Saturday for most of the day and all day Sunday. I'm not allowed to have friends over on school nights unless I'm working on a project, and Sunday is our day together."

"Bella, are you really alone that often?" Esme asked quietly.

"Not really. Mom works while I'm at school. I usually get home from school around three-thirty and she gets home around five-thirty. By the time she's home, I'm mostly done with my homework – we make dinner and then hang out until it's time for bed. The only nights she works are Friday and Saturday – because that's when she gets the most tips. Our friend Carlie usually stays with me while Mom's at work on Friday and Saturday."

I'd even taken an interest in playing volleyball just to give me something to do a couple days a week. I really enjoyed playing and I learned that I was pretty good at it. Mom never missed a single game and she always picked me up from practice. She even made a point to be at every choir function I had. We'd had a Christmas concert a few days before winter break and I'd insisted that she bring our old video camera and record it so I could bring it home and show Dad. I knew he'd love it. I assured them that my mom wasn't being neglectful – she really wasn't. She just did what she had to do to provide for us both. As I spoke about her I watched my Dad's mouth set into a grim line. I could tell that he'd be calling to have a chat with Mom soon.

When dinner was over, I announced I had a surprise for them. I grabbed my bag from where I'd set it by the front door and pulled out the tape of my winter concert. Edward's smile at the thought of seeing it warmed the room. I handed him the tape and he put it in the VCR before joining me on the couch – hooking his pinky finger in mine.

"You had a solo?" Edward gasped.

I nodded sheepishly.

"Bella, sweetheart – you have the voice of an angel. I never knew you sang," Esme said quietly.

Edward bumped his shoulder against mine.

"See? I told you." He grinned.

"Bella … baby girl, I'm speechless. That was wonderful. I'm so …" Dad started, emotion catching in his throat. "I'm so very sorry I missed it, baby. Next time you have a solo, you call me and I'll be there."

The next few days, Edward and I managed to see each other every day. A storm had indeed come through dumping a ton of snow on our sleepy little town but we made the best of it. We had plastic sleds and saucers and we spent a lot of time throwing snowballs at each other. Jasper and Alice hung out with us one afternoon and I could tell by the shy looks they kept shooting one another that they liked each other, but neither one of them had enough courage to do anything about it.

"Are they always like this?" I asked Edward as we hid behind a bush gathering up our snowy ammunition.

"You mean do they always pretend not to like each other?" Edward chuckled.

"Yes," I giggled.

"Yeah, pretty much. They'll figure it out one day."

Edward shot me a knowing look.

A look that told me he'd been fighting the same thing I had since that very first day of kindergarten.

"Do you remember our first day of kindergarten?"

Exactly.

"Of course I do. Bobby Parsons mother safety pinned his underwear to his skin and the teacher made us all leave the room so she could unfasten him. Holly Jones fell asleep during nap time and missed the bus home."

"That's not what I meant, Bella and you know it."

He linked his glove covered pinky with mine.

"I'll never forget that, Edward," I whispered.

"Friends first?" He asked, his emerald green eyes boring into my chocolate ones.

"Always."

Spending Christmas with my dad was by far the highlight of my year. I missed my mom, but I knew that she had taken extra shifts over the holidays because the pay was really good. She had hoped that we could go somewhere fun over spring break. I'd have been happy to come back to Forks.

On Christmas Eve, Dad and I went to church. Services were short and sweet and the choir sang carols at the end of the evening. Afterward, we made our way to the Cullen's where Esme had a lovely dinner waiting for us.

My dad and Carlisle got wrapped up in a conversation about local politics while Esme cleaned up the dinner dishes with Edward's and my help.

"Bella, sweetheart … I'm so glad you're home even if it's only for a little while. We miss you so much around here."

Tears began to bubble up in my eyes. I'd always gotten along well with Esme and she was always nice to me when I came over to play with Edward, but she'd never indicated she was glad to see me or that she missed me. Edward told me she did but it was nice to hear it from Esme directly.

"I miss you too, Esme," I said as I hugged her. I really did miss her. She was the calm voice of reason on the rare occasion that I butted heads with my own mom.

There were a couple times when I called Edward in tears because my mom wouldn't let me do something I wanted to do and of course Edward – bless his heart; he didn't know what to do or how to help me so he'd put Esme on the phone and she would calm me down. Neither one of them knew how much those moments meant to me.

"Edward, sweetheart, why don't you play a few Christmas songs on the piano and maybe we could convince Bella to serenade us?"

I blushed fiercely and Edward nudged my shoulder.

"Come on, please?" Edward asked, his emerald green eyes boring into mine.

"Okay …" I agreed. "But only if I can sit next to you on the piano bench."

Edward played and I sang a few songs. Our parents got up to pour their after dinner drinks and Edward and I slipped downstairs to play video games.

"I think we're coming over to your house tomorrow," Edward said after a while.

"Yeah?" I asked, surprised.

"I'm pretty sure, yeah. Mom said something about your dad thinking that you'd want to spend Christmas day at home so we're coming over in the afternoon."

I smiled at the thought of getting to see Edward on Christmas.

While we were passing the time playing video games, snow had begun to fall outside and my father drove ever so carefully as we made our way home. Dad and I snuggled up on the couch and he read 'The Night Before Christmas' just like he'd done for as long as I could remember.

"Don't forget to put out cookies for Santa, Bells."

"Dad … I know about Santa but if you want a plate of cookies, I'll be happy to get you some."

My dad laughed.

"I can't help it, Bells. You'll always be my baby girl. Even when you're thirty and have kids of your own."

"I love you, Daddy," I whispered as I handed him a plate of cookies and wished him goodnight.

The next morning, I woke and dull light and happy voices outside filtered through the windows. I went to the window to find Edward, Carlisle and my dad outside throwing snow at each other and attempting to build a snowman. It was quite a sight.

Downstairs, I found Esme in the kitchen – the smells of cinnamon and nutmeg in the air as she pulled a French toast casserole out of the oven.

"Good morning, sweetheart, would you like a cup of cocoa?" Esme asked sweetly.

"Please," I nodded with a smile.

"I suppose you saw those silly men outside?"

"Yeah … although I heard them before I saw them."

Esme and I both giggled as she sat my cocoa in front of me.

A few minutes later, we heard the door open and heard six feet stomping in the entryway.

We enjoyed a wonderful breakfast before we gathered around the beautiful tree my dad had put up in the living room. The Cullen's had brought all of their gifts over to exchange and when we were done opening them the living room looked like a tornado had swept through. There was paper and tissue and bows everywhere.

My dad bought me a video game system that Edward and I were eager to try out. Edward had the same system at home and he got a couple new games for it. Edward gave me a sterling silver I.D. Bracelet that read 'Best Friend' in elegant script bordered by two little daisies. It was perfect.

The days following Christmas, I spent with Charlie. We went ice skating in Port Angeles and window shopped as we sipped hot chocolate. Neither one of us were big shoppers but we were happy to have the time together.

"Bells …" Dad began. "You know you can always come home and live with me if you get too lonely being at mom's by yourself right?"

"Huh?"

"Bella … it's just that … after what you told us at dinner the other night I've been really worried. Your mom works so much and has to leave you in the care of other people when you could be here in my care."

"Dad … I'm okay. I'm only by myself for a couple hours a few days a week. When Mom works nights, I stay with Carlie."

"Bells … you're thirteen years old, honey. You shouldn't be alone at all."

"Did you talk to Mom?"

"Yup."

"And?"

"She hung up on me."

I sighed.

"Why do you guys fight all the time?"

I didn't expect an answer and I didn't get one.

New Year's Eve we spent at the local pizza parlor. Sue and Harry Clearwater had planned a big shindig that kids and adults alike could enjoy. I sat quietly next to Esme as I watched Edward talk to Jasper, Alice and some new kid named Emmett. The latter of which turned his head as Edward nodded toward me and winked at me with a huge dimply grin.

"Having fun?" Edward asked as he nudged my shoulder.

I shrugged and he linked his pinky with mine.

**A/N: Do you remember your first day of Kindergarten? I think some things, I'll never forget ;)**

**Bobby Parsons** … yeah true story. His first day of school sucked. Js.**

**I really did have a metallic blue Schwinn with a banana seat that was white with daisies on it and it had a bell with Donald Duck on it – my cousin brought it all the way from Holland and gave it to me.**

**Thoughts?**

** Names have been changed.


	2. Chapter 2

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

I forgot to mention last chapter – darcysmom has once again taken on beta-ing this project. HUGE thanks to her for her time and support.

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Never Let Go

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Chapter Two

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"Come on, let's go play pinball."

Our fingers linked together, I followed Edward into the game room where we found Addams Family pinball – our favorite.

"You're first," Edward said quietly.

He really shouldn't have done that. I beat his score – badly. Thankfully, Edward was a graceful loser, and because he was my best friend I never rubbed it in. It's just how we worked.

"I can't believe you only have three days left of break."

"I know. I just … I just wish that I could stay here. My dad would love it, but it would kill my mom. He said I could come back whenever I wanted to – all I have to do is say the words."

"What does your heart tell you to do, Bella?"

I sighed and once again he linked our fingers shaking them between us.

"That I should stay with my mom for a while longer. She needs me, I have to stay. Yeah, I miss you and Charlie like crazy but she'd be in a strange place all alone and I can't do that to her."

A week later, I was sitting in my room in our cozy apartment reading a book when my mom whirled in with a smile on her face.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked.

"Well … while you were visiting your dad, I was working some extra hours at work. I met this wonderful guy while I was waiting tables. His name is Phil and he came to Vegas for the holidays because he doesn't really have any family to speak of and he wanted to have a good time."

"Uh huh … and?"

"Well, we kinda hit it off and he asked me to dinner. So we went out and really had a good time. He took me to a nice steakhouse and then he took me to see a show. He's such a nice guy, sweetie, and I just know that you'll like him too."

"So when is he coming over?"

"Umm … he's here now, actually."

"Mom!"

"Please, Bella?"

Phil was a nice guy. Mom said he was one of the nicer guys that she had met since leaving Forks. She dated a couple guys when we lived in Carmel but nothing serious, in fact she didn't even bother bringing them home to meet me. Phil was a first.

Over dinner he told me about himself. He was the head of the Athletics Department at the University of Phoenix in Arizona. He'd been there for three years and he loved his job. He was also the University's Head Baseball coach.

When Phil left to go back to Arizona, he and mom did the long distance relationship thing. Kinda like me and Dad and Edward – only mom's was a romantic kind of relationship – I think.

One of the first things I did when school started up again was get ready for the Spring Concert. Mr. C. had asked me to sing a solo and he said that if I had the time he'd work with me a couple days a week after school. At first I was intimidated by our sessions but as I sat and listened to the pianist play the song and Mr. C. carefully explained what I was looking at – it all began to make so much more sense. Then I couldn't wait for the days that I had those private sessions. Mr. C taught me more in those one-on-one sessions than I ever expected to learn. I came out of them learning how to read music, how to play a basic melody or harmony line on the piano, how to count, and most important – how to control my pitch.

I felt more relaxed with my second solo and while it was a lot longer than my first; it felt good doing an entire song on my own. I called my dad and told him all about it. He promised he'd be there.

The day before my concert, Dad called to say that he needed the address of the school because he would land and barely have time to make it to my concert.

"But you're still coming, right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, baby girl."

The next night, I stood nervously in the girl's dressing room backstage. My mom said she'd bring my dad back as soon as he got there. The band and orchestra were playing before the choir sang and my solo was right in the middle of the choir's program.

I paced back and forth in the small room trying with everything I had to calm myself down. I was worried that my dad wouldn't make it and that would be devastating. I took a few deep breaths and chanted to myself that everything would be fine. My dad had never let me down before. I heard a knock on the door.

"Bella? Someone's here to see you," my friend, Angela, said softly.

I gasped when I saw Edward walking through the door.

"Edward!" I squealed. "Oh my gosh! You're here!"

I pulled him in for a quick hug and he laughed before I pulled back and our fingers found each other.

"Yeah, I'm here. Charlie told me you had a solo and there was no way in the world I'd miss it."

"Is my dad here?"

"Yeah, he's out sitting with your mom. He thought you'd want to see me more than him, so here I am."

I grinned.

"You are the best surprise. Ever."

Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile – one he saved only for me.

"Thanks. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I bet you were in here pacing the floor weren't you?"

I nodded sheepishly.

"Bella … you have the voice of an angel. Don't I always tell you that?"

I nodded again.

"I'm not lying. You are going to be great tonight. I bet you'll blow everyone away. Take a deep breath and relax."

"Bella?" I heard Mr. C. say from outside the door.

"Yeah?" I asked as he cracked open the door.

Mr. C.'s face looked a little panicked.

"We have a little problem. Our pianist came down with the flu and won't be able to make it tonight. She's the only one you've practiced your solo with and I'm a little worried that if I play and try to direct you it will throw you off. So … would you rather sing a cappella or should we remove you from the program? I don't want to force you if you're not comfortable."

"I can play," Edward said softly.

I looked at Edward worriedly. It wasn't his playing that worried me, I knew it would be great but like Mr. C. had said, I wasn't used to anyone else. I hated the thought of taking myself off the program – Edward and my dad had flown all that way to hear me sing.

"Bella … we can practice in here. There's a piano in here – just get me the music and we'll go over it until you're comfortable."

Mr. C. leaned in to me.

"Who is this kid?"

"Mr. C., this is Edward. He's my best friend from Washington. He came down with my dad to hear me sing tonight."

"Can he play?" Mr. C. asked.

I nodded. "Yeah … better than Ms. Mayer."

Mr. C. handed Edward the sheet music and told us we had about twenty five minutes so we had better get to work. We were good after the second run through – like an old sweatshirt – Edward and I just fit.

Mr. C. asked Edward to watch the choir sing from backstage and he told him he'd introduce him when he introduced my solo.

I vaguely remember Mr. C. saying my name and introducing Edward. Edward walked by me and took his place at the piano. I looked over at him and he was beaming at me. His eyes were warm and comforting and it was only in that moment that I knew I'd be okay. I took one more deep breath and nodded for Edward to begin. I ended on a perfect note and the audience began to clap and cheer. I waved Edward over and entwined my finger with his and we took a bow. Edward turned to me and smiled my smile and hurried off stage.

When the concert was over, I made my way out to the lobby where I found my parents and Edward waiting for me. Edward was holding a large bouquet of gerbera daisies.

"I'm so proud of you, Boo."

I smiled at Edward's use of a nickname he'd given me a long time ago. I'd forgotten he'd even called me that, but it made me smile.

"Thanks, Eddie," I grinned.

"Baby girl … that was damn worth the trip down here," My dad smiled widely. "I am so proud of you, Bella."

"Thanks, dad. I'm so glad you came. I can't believe you brought Edward with you too."

"He wouldn't let me come without him. Very insistent he was," Dad chuckled.

My mom hugged me and gave me the small bouquet of flowers that she had brought for me.

"Come on, let's go home. I made dessert," Mom said ushering us out of the auditorium.

I rode back to our apartment with Dad and Edward in their rental car. They told me they were staying until Sunday afternoon, so I was excited to have a little bit of time to visit with them. When we arrived at the apartment, I gave them the nickel tour. Our apartment wasn't very big, but it was clean, in a well-kept complex and the community was gated.

The high school I'd be starting at in the fall was just around the corner and I'd be able to walk back and forth to school every day. I was looking forward to high school.

After we ate dessert, Edward and I went into my room to hang out for a while. Dad and Mom wanted to talk, so Edward and I turned on some music and sat on the floor playing Speed and we chatted and laughed like we'd never been apart.

Edward and I ended up falling asleep on the floor in my bedroom. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night. Edward was still asleep and it looked like his duffle bag was set inside my bedroom door. I wandered out to the living room and there was an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table and a wine glass that was half empty. Everything was dark except for the nightlight over the stove. I peeked in the door to my mom's room and she was sprawled out in the middle of her bed snoring softly. I'd guessed that my dad had decided to let Edward sleep and he went back to his hotel.

I went back to my room and nudged Edward awake enough to help him crawl into my bed. He had done so much for me that night that the least I could do was let him sleep comfortably in my bed. I softly kissed his cheek and grabbed a blanket off the end of my bed and an extra pillow and went out to sleep on the couch.

I spent the rest of that day and night with my Dad and Edward. I stayed at their hotel that night so I didn't have to stay with Carlie. We had dinner and then my dad took us to Circus-Circus because Edward and I weren't allowed inside the casinos. So my Dad hung out with us while we played video games, pinball, and skeeball. My dad was actually pretty good at skeeball, and he and Edward might have gotten into a little competition over who could win me the biggest toy. Edward was triumphant – winning me an oversized panda bear that I secretly loved. Charlie took it all in stride and even offered to carry it around for me since it was roughly the same size as me.

The next morning, Dad had Edward and me up early. We grabbed some pastries and headed to Hoover Dam. I had been there once before with Mom and it was just as cool the second time as it was the first time around.

"Here, throw this and make a wish," Edward said, handing me a shiny penny.

"I thought that was only for wishing wells and fountains?"

"Maybe, but this is bigger so maybe you have a better chance of your wish coming true," Edward grinned.

I made a wish and flung my penny as far as I could.

Mom met us for lunch at the Hard Rock Café. It was actually a pretty cool place. I think Dad just wanted us to go somewhere where Edward and I would be distracted so that he could talk to Mom. They had tried to talk after my concert, but Mom didn't want to listen to what he had to say.

"I hate that they argue so much. It's all they do." I said softly as Edward and I looked at some of the music memorabilia on the wall.

"I know, Boo. Your dad just seems really worried about you. Charlie wants you to be safe, Bella. I want you to be safe."

Edward twined his pinky with mine and led me around the restaurant looking at various things until our food was brought out.

"You still planning on coming to Forks for the summer, Bella?" My Dad asked shortly after Edward and I returned.

"Umm, as far as I know yeah. I want to."

"Okay. You tell me when you want to come and I'll make the arrangements."

"Maybe after school gets out. I'd like to be there for Edward's birthday. Umm, I mean if that's okay with you, Edward."

Edward smiled widely at the idea.

"Yeah, Bella that would be great."

Dad promised that he would make the arrangements for summer as soon as he got home. Edward was happy that I'd be there for his birthday and I had something to look forward to. I hated telling them goodbye late that afternoon, but as they saying goes – all good things must come to an end.

Tears ran down my face as I hugged my dad and Edward goodbye.

"Chin up, Boo. I'll see you soon," Edward said sadly as he handed me a heavy envelope.

"My letters?" I asked, confused.

"Yup … it's tradition and I didn't miss a day." Edward smiled.

"Oh God," I said worriedly as I turned to run into my room and grab Edward's letters for the week from the box I kept them in under the bed.

"Here," I breathed, handing him the letters. "I missed yesterday and today, but next week I'll send extras to make up for it."

Once again, Edward linked our little fingers together and tugged on mine.

"I'll hold you to that, Bella."

I waved as I watched them drive away. I hated they had to leave but I was so glad they came.

I trudged back to my room and plopped down at my desk to work on some homework when my mom popped her head in the door.

"Did you have a good time with your dad and Edward?"

"Mmmhmm. I'm glad they came."

She nodded and looked at me sadly.

"What is it, Mom?"

"Bella, honey … Phil wants us to move to Phoenix."

"Mom … you've dated the guy for what, like four months? Most of that has been long distance. Don't you think it's a bit soon to be thinking about moving in with him?"

"Bella, he doesn't necessarily want us to move in with him. He wants us to move closer to him. As in we'd find an apartment or something in Phoenix and I'd get another job down there. We'll find you a nice school."

"Is that what you and Dad were arguing about?"

"We're going to go down there next weekend to visit. We'll check out the area and see what we think. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like you're avoiding my question. Is moving to Phoenix what you and Dad were arguing about?"

"Yes, but honey, your dad and I argue about a lot of things. He wants to give us money so I don't have to work so hard and so that you have things that you need. We don't really need material things, and we have plenty of money as long as we are frugal with our spending."

"So why are you guys arguing about Phoenix?"

"Because of the unknowns. What kind of a job I'll be able to get, where we'll find an apartment. Carlie won't be there to hang out with you when I'm at work and that worries your dad. I understand; I worry about it too, but you're my middle aged child. You're much more responsible and mature than your peers. Your dad just worries, honey that's all."

"Mom, you know he's only worried because he's so far away. He can't be here in fifteen minutes if I need him."

"Did you talk to him about that?"

"I did. Both Dad and Edward. They want to protect me from anything and everything that could possibly hurt me. They're fiercely protective that's all. I love them insanely for it, Mom."

"I know you do, sweetie. The other thing I talked to your Dad about was staying with him for more than a couple weeks over the summer. I know you want to, and I know your dad would love for you to stay there permanently so this is kind of my compromise."

I was so over the moon that my mom was going to let me stay with my dad longer than a couple weeks. I was going to stay for six weeks actually. I couldn't wait. I'd be in Forks for Edward's birthday and I'd be able to spend a lot of time with both Edward and my Dad.

True to my mom's word, we drove down to Phoenix the following weekend to visit with Phil and see the area. He booked us a room in a really nice hotel. It wasn't the Ritz, but it was nice. We left right after I got out of school on Friday, and we pulled into our hotel just before eleven that night. Phil met us at the hotel and got us all checked in and settled. Mom stayed down at the hotel bar with Phil for a while and I went back up to our room. I was exhausted and I promised Edward that I'd call him before I went to bed.

Hearing Edward's voice was so soothing to me. It had been less than a week since I'd seen him last and even less time since I'd last talked to him. I called him Monday afternoon as soon as I got home from school to tell him about our trip to Phoenix.

"Did you get there safe?" Edward asked after we'd exchanged our greetings.

"I wouldn't be calling you if I didn't, Edward."

"This is true. You sound exhausted, Boo." Edward said softly.

"I am. It's a long drive. Mom picked me up from school and we came straight here."

"Where is she now? With Phil?"

"Yeah. We're staying in a really nice hotel. Mom is downstairs with Phil and I came back to our room. Thank goodness Dad gave me a calling card."

"Yeah, no kidding. So … I hear you're staying for longer than two weeks this summer? That's good news right?"

"Yeah, I am. I can't wait until school gets out. Only three more weeks and then I'll be in Forks."

"I know I just saw you last weekend, but is it horrible if I say that I can't wait?"

"Not at all, Edward. I miss you and my dad so much already. I hate that I live so far away."

I spent the weekend hanging out with my mom and Phil. He took us all over Phoenix. He showed us an area not too far from his house where there were nice apartments and a high school that was within walking distance. Mom suggested we tour the apartments and see what they were like and I reluctantly agreed. The rent was about the same as we were paying in Las Vegas – maybe a little less. Mom took the information and asked if she could fax it back to them when she was ready to commit. I shuddered at the thought.

Phoenix wasn't much different than Las Vegas except for the lack of casinos. The weather was hot and dry and Phil promised us it was like that pretty much year round. Saturday night, we barbequed at Phil's house. His house was nice; a three bedroom, two bath ranch-style nestled in a nice quiet neighborhood. In the back yard he had a large deck and an in ground pool.

I asked Phil if he would mind if I put my feet in the pool and he encouraged me – telling me to take one of the cushions from the chairs to sit on. I could hear Phil and my mom talking about us possibly moving as I swayed my feet in the water.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews and continued support. I love reading your thoughts. =)**


	3. Chapter 3

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to Darcysmom and twimom817 for beta'ing this mess. EdwardsmyObsession1971 is my fabulous pre-reader – I seriously don't know what I'd do without them.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

The ride back to Las Vegas didn't seem to take as long as the ride to Phoenix did. Maybe it's because I was anxious to get home and call Edward as soon as possible.

My mom was excited at the prospect of moving to Phoenix and talked about it non-stop on the way home.

"Bella … honey, this could be so good for us. The schools in Phoenix are so much better than the ones in Las Vegas. I have better job opportunities, and I just have this feeling that this will be a great chance for us."

"Mom … I'm tired of moving around. I feel like I'm just getting settled at school. I have a few friends that I really like and I love Mr. C., he's helped me so much. I don't want to leave that now."

"Bella, you're going to be starting high school in the fall anyway. What does it matter if we leave after the school year is over? Not all your little friends will be going to the same high school in Las Vegas with all the re-districting they're doing over the summer."

"Why did you even bother asking me if I wanted to move if you've clearly already made up your mind?"

My mom just gaped at me from her spot in the driver's seat. Neither of us said another word the rest of the way home.

Monday after school, I booked it home as quickly as I could, dropping Edward's letters in the mail as I went. By three forty-five I couldn't wait any longer and I picked up the phone and dialed. Esme answered and I could barely stutter out Edward's name.

"Bella … sweetheart, what's wrong?" Esme asked in a panic.

My tears came in a torrential downpour as I attempted to tell Esme the events of the weekend. I was so angry, I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I don't know what it was about Esme, but she was so much easier to talk to than my own mother. Hearing her voice was enough to soothe me a little bit. When I finished telling her every little detail she asked me to calm down and to hang up; she'd call me back so I didn't use up all my phone card minutes. I did as she asked and my phone rang thirty seconds later.

"Bella? Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry we're not closer to you. Edward just walked in the door, I'm sure he'll be worried when he hears it's you on the phone. Talk to him, honey. When you're done if you still want to talk to me, I'm here, okay?"

"Okay."

I heard Esme murmur a few words and then I heard my favorite voice in the world come on the line.

"Bella? What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt … at least physically anyway," I sobbed before launching into my story all over again, not sugarcoating anything – even for Edward's sake.

"Jesus, Bella," Edward murmured.

I could picture him running his hands through his hair and tugging at it in frustration.

"Have you talked to Charlie?" He asked.

"No. We got home late last night and I went straight to bed and then I got up and went to school early this morning. I didn't want to deal with Renee. I haven't talked to her since we were stuck in the car together coming home yesterday."

"You can't avoid her forever, Bella. Tell her how you feel. Tell her everything you told me. Be brutally honest with her. She can't fault you for having those feelings. If she won't listen to you and she's still insistent on moving to Phoenix, you can always come back to Forks and live with Charlie. You know he'd love to have you and I couldn't even begin to tell you how happy that would make me."

"As much as I'd love to come back to you and Charlie, I don't know that I could leave my mom. She'd be all by herself. What if things didn't work out for her with Phil? Then she'd be really alone and the thought of that breaks my heart."

"What about Charlie? He's alone and he's doing just fine. He's been alone for the last three years, Bella. I told you what he was like when you and Renee first left; he was lost without you but eventually he found himself again. He obviously still misses you, but he still lives his life. Renee could learn to do the same."

"Edward …."

"Please, Bella. You've been miserable since you left Forks. Do something for yourself for a change."

I had never felt so torn in all my life. I wanted nothing more than to be comfortable and happy, but Charlie had always been stronger than my mother and I knew that he'd be okay without me but Renee on the other hand – she needed me. Then there was Edward.

"Please tell me you'll think about it, Bella."

"I will, Edward. I promise. Thank you for listening and being such a good friend to me, Edward."

"Any time, Boo. You know that. If you need to talk it out some more just call, okay?"

"Okay."

I hadn't realized that I'd spent the better part of two hours talking to Edward. Here I was, dumping all of my mama drama on him, and he was nothing but patient and gracious about it. He listened to me with a somewhat impartial ear.

I knew Renee would be home from work soon, so I wrapped up my conversation with Edward promising that I would call again if I needed him or Esme. He promised to call later in the week to check in on me. It was the little things like him calling to check on me that I appreciated the most. I missed him so much my heart ached, and it would be a long three weeks before I'd see him again.

Renee came home about thirty minutes later and I was in the middle of studying Eighteenth Century England when she tapped on my door. I still wasn't ready to talk to her, but I did have to live with her and that meant living by her rules.

"Bella? I brought your favorite home for dinner, sweetie."

Honestly, I didn't care if Renee had brought home my favorite meal or a new puppy. She was trying to get me to forgive her for the fight we'd had the day before. I wasn't ready to forgive her and Edward's words encouraging me to tell her how I felt were swirling in my head.

"Bella?" Renee asked she peek in my door.

I continued to ignore her; she'd get the hint eventually. She'd go to her own room with a glass of wine and watch TV until she fell asleep. Then I could go to the kitchen and make myself some dinner.

"You're still mad?"

"Yes! I'm still mad. Happy? I don't want to pack up and move again. I don't want to go to Phoenix. I'm happy here. If you want to go to Phoenix so bad then go. I want to go back to Forks and live with Dad. I never wanted to move away from Forks in the first place."

"Bella, honey …."

"I have homework to do, Mom, and I'm tired of talking about this – especially since you don't care about my opinion anyway."

She backed out of my room and I closed the door in her face; locking it before I returned to my desk. I went back to my homework and no sooner had I closed my book the phone rang.

"Bella?" Renee said through my door. "It's your Dad."

I picked up the portable phone on my desk and nearly cried when I heard his voice.

"Hi, baby girl. Esme was waiting for me on my front porch when I got home. We had a long chat about you. How are you doing? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Daddy," I sniffled, wiping the few tears that fell down my face.

I told my Dad everything that I'd told Esme and Edward and then I told him about my mom trying to butter me up with my favorite dinner and me basically ranting at her that I didn't want to go to Phoenix. He stayed quiet the entire time while I went over the events of the past day.

"Baby girl, it's only a few more weeks until school gets out and then you'll be coming to Forks. If you want, you can just come home to stay and I'll change your ticket. If you don't want to go to Phoenix, I'm certainly not going to force you. You can start high school here in the fall with all the kids you've known all your life; including Edward.

"He's been really worried about you, kiddo. Esme said he was really worked up after talking to you on the phone earlier. That boy really cares about you, Bells and I think that's what you need most right now is people who care about you and love you. Now I'm not saying your mom doesn't love you, because she does – more than anything, but right now I'm not sure she's keeping your best interests in mind."

I talked to him for a while longer, telling him how school was and that I had heard they were holding some type of ceremony for completing 8th grade. All I cared about was getting on the plane and going to Forks.

The last few weeks of school went by in a blur. They were filled with studying and finals and the 8th grade class went to a waterpark for "fun day". I spent the entire time laying on a lounger sipping on Kool-Aid lathered up in sunscreen reading.

"Two more days," I said softly to Edward on the phone.

"I know, Bella. I can't wait. How are things going with your mom?"

I sighed.

"Still not good. She still keeps trying to drop hints to me about Phoenix. I don't know, Edward. Am I being too stubborn about this?"

"No, Bella you're not. For once you're standing up for yourself and fighting for what you want. I'm proud of you."

As it turned out, our 'completion ceremony' was like a graduation without the pomp and circumstance and those silly robes and hats they force you to wear. Our parents were invited to attend and I felt a pang of sadness that my dad wasn't there. Had I known they were going to make such a big deal out of it, I probably would have asked him to come. But knowing that I would see him a few hours after the ceremony was the only thing that kept me from bawling my eyes out.

Once I was on the plane, I sat back and got comfortable in my seat; closing my eyes and day dreaming about home. The images that spilled into my head made the flight go by much faster.

The first thing I saw when I stepped off the jet way was a riot of messy reddish brown hair, sparkling emerald eyes and a gleaming smile.

"Bella!" Edward waved furiously.

Like I didn't see him or my father standing behind him with a smirk on his face.

"Sorry, Bells … this kid was about to jump out of his skin if I didn't bring him with me," My dad apologized as Edward hugged me tightly.

"It's okay, Daddy. I probably would have been disappointed if you hadn't brought him."

"Probably?" Edward asked, looking hurt.

I smirked.

"Okay, I definitely would have been disappointed if you hadn't come."

My dad grabbed my suitcases and Edward took my backpack from me and slung it over his shoulder and we headed toward the truck.

"So … what are you two planning on doing this summer?" My dad asked as we drove along the interstate.

"Jasper and I are playing in the summer baseball league. We both want to be ready for the junior varsity tryouts next spring."

I looked over to see Edward smiling. He was probably more excited that I'd be there to watch him than he was to actually be playing.

"What about you Bells?"

"Well, I suppose I could see if they need help with the summer reading program at the library."

"Hmm. What if I told you that Sue Clearwater is in charge of the summer camp this year? She asked if me if you'd like to be a counselor."

"Really? What kind of counselor?"

It sounded like it could be a fun thing to spend a few weeks during my summer being a camp counselor. I could be home with my dad in the evenings and spend my spare time with Edward. It could be the perfect balance that I so desperately needed.

"I'm not sure, kiddo. You can give Sue a call in the morning and talk to her about it."

Edward reached over and squeezed my hand. It was his quiet reassurance that his thoughts were running along the same lines as mine.

We dropped Edward off before going home. He promised that he'd call me in the morning because he was sure his mom would want to see me first thing. I couldn't wait to see Esme - or Carlisle for that matter.

The next morning, I was up bright and early. Charlie had to go in early and apologized the night before saying that he'd probably have to work late. He didn't want me to worry about making dinner. Esme said she'd take care of it.

I stumbled out of my bed and into the bathroom. We'd gotten in so late I didn't feel like showering before bed, so I showered – praying the entire time that Edward didn't call while I was in the bathroom. As I was getting dressed, I heard knocking on the door and wondered who in the world it could be.

_Edward_.

"Hey, Boo. I tried calling but you didn't answer. I knew that Charlie wasn't home so I just decided to come by. I hope that's okay …" he rambled.

"It's fine, Edward." I laughed. "I was in the shower when you called. I hoped I wouldn't miss your call. Hey, how did you get here anyway?"

"My mom dropped me off. She had to run to the store and said she'd be back in a few minutes. I called to see if you wanted to come over for breakfast."

"Uhh, sure. I just have to call my dad and let him know. I need to grab Sue's number too. I want to call her about that camp counselor thing."

When I called Sue later that morning, she was thrilled to hear that I wanted to know more about it. She told me that I'd basically be teaching arts and crafts during the day and helping out with activities. I'd be responsible for six girls for two weeks. I'd get paid eight dollars an hour and I'd 'counsel' from eight to four - five days a week.

"We also have a group interested in doing a literature discussion in the afternoons. We already have someone to head it up, but I thought you might be interested in helping out."

"Oh wow, Sue. That would be great. The whole thing sounds like a lot of fun."

"That's why I thought you might be interested, Bella. Charlie said he was sure that you'd be interested. We're starting in a couple weeks, but I'm doing an orientation for the counselors starting next week. Think you have a couple days to spare?"

"Absolutely."

I couldn't have asked for a better way to start off my summer. I was back in the town that I loved with my dad and my best friend and I had a little job to keep my occupied for a couple weeks. It gave me something to think about other than my troubles with my mom and moving to Phoenix.

I'd been in Forks for a week before Renee decided that she needed to call and check on me. I was more than fine. I was safer than I'd been since we left.

"I just want to make sure you're happy, sweetie."

"I am happy, mom."

"I just don't want you to get lonesome. Your dad is at work all the time and it's so isolated there, baby. Don't you miss being close to everything here? I mean you could walk to the movie theater. There you have to wait for your dad to take you."

"Mom … I promise you that I am not lonesome here. Yeah, Dad is at work all day. That's life … he can't spend all day entertaining me. I've got Edward. We've been hanging out. I can walk to the baseball field where they practice every morning or Esme doesn't mind driving us places. We just went to the movies yesterday."

"Bella, honey, I don't want you to get all wrapped up in Edward. He's a nice boy and he's been a good friend to you but what if that's all he'll ever be? Can you live with that?"

"What are you talking about Mom? Of course Edward's my friend. He's been here for me nearly my whole life."

"I know that, Bella. All I'm saying is what happens when Edward finds a girlfriend or you find a boyfriend for that matter? Don't you think that will have an effect on your friendship?"

"No, Mom, I don't. Edward wants me to be happy and I want the same for him. Mom, you've never had the kind of relationship that I have with Edward so it's impossible for you to understand no matter how old you are or how much life you've lived. Please don't insult mine and Edward's friendship like that again."

I was so angry that she'd even suggest that I couldn't live with Edward only being my friend. Did I love him? Yes, so very much. He'd been my friend when the other kids were mean to me, he picked me up when I fell down. When I couldn't reach something, he was always there to get it for me. Edward didn't see me as the freckle faced girl with mousy brown hair and puppy dog eyes that couldn't walk three steps without falling over her own feet. He didn't see the bookworm that would rather sit in the classroom and read than argue over the swings or foursquare ball at recess. He saw past all that and not a day went by that he didn't prove it.

I knew that Edward would always be my friend – no matter what.

* * *

**A/N: Everyone is pretty much of the opinion that Bella needs to stay with Charlie and Edward – I hear ya. Bella is so worried about her flighty mom that she forgets about herself and in turn, disappoints Charlie and Edward repeatedly. Now Renee insults her friendship with Edward … do you think Bella is just throwing a temper tantrum or is Renee once again trying to manipulate her? Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Thank you again to my girls darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 for beta'ing and prereading this for me. Love you guys!

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

It's official; I love the weekend.

I had started the previous Monday as a camp counselor. It was a fun job. I taught arts and crafts and helped with a book discussion group. Eric was the 'counselor' who I was helping with the discussion group. We decided at the orientation that we'd give the campers a choice between three books and the most popular one was the one we'd discuss. We ended up with _The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe_ as our topic. It wasn't one of my favorite books, but I was open to other's views about it.

Eric had a really interesting way to look at it and I found myself engrossed in what he was saying. Every day that week I'd found myself sitting next to Eric during our lunch break discussing other books we loved. He was cute and sweet and very intelligent. I liked spending time with him.

By the time Saturday came around, I was glad to have a break. I didn't get to sleep in because I had to get up and go to Edward's game, but that was okay. I'd get to see Edward. I'd missed him; I'd only seen him a couple days during the week and it wasn't nearly enough.

I sat between Esme and my dad as we cheered for Edward. He managed to hit a home run in the bottom of the seventh inning and scored the winning run. I jumped to my feet and hollered until I was hoarse. Afterwards, I waited sheepishly behind the dugout for him to come out.

Edward smiled widely and held out his arms to me. I hugged him quickly and I could see he was disappointed I didn't linger.

"You hit a home run!" I squealed.

"I did," he chuckled. "I heard you screaming."

"Sorry …"

"Don't be sorry, Bella. I liked knowing that you were in the bleachers cheering me on."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Yeah." He smiled.

Esme invited us over for a barbeque that evening, and I rode home with the Cullen's so that I could help Esme. My dad would come over later; he had a couple things to attend to at work.

After helping Esme in the kitchen, I followed Edward outside to the backyard. He led me to the hammock that hung in the shade between two huge pine trees. It was hot outside, but once we'd settled into the hammock we could feel the slight breeze in the air.

"I could lie like this every day," Edward whispered.

"Mmm … me too." I agreed.

"How was 'camp'?"

"It was good. The kids in my group are great. They really are a lot of fun."

"That's cool. How's the book thing?"

"It's good. I really like the guy I'm working with. We had lunch together every day this week. We talked about all sorts of books."

I could feel Edward's body tense beside me when I mentioned that I liked Eric and that we had lunch together all week. Edward and I were close, but it's not like we were in a relationship. To be honest, I'd never even considered anything like that with Edward. Everything was so natural between us, I'd have hated to push something only to have it tear us apart.

Edward was quiet for a beat too long.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just … I better go see if my mom needs any help with dinner."

He started to get up and I pulled him back, pulling so hard I nearly toppled us both over.

"Edward, wait. You know your mom doesn't need any help in the kitchen. If she did, she'd call us. We need to talk; something I said clearly upset you."

Edward sighed and leaned back in the hammock.

"Bella … it's just that … you're my friend and I like you."

"I like you too, Edward," I giggled.

"No, I mean like, I really like you, Bella. As more than a friend," he admitted softly.

My eyes grew wide and I was sure that I audibly gasped at his admission.

"Bella, say something please?"

"I … I don't know what to say, Edward. You're my best friend and I've never thought about you that way." I admitted.

Edward's face fell and his hand immediately went to his hair to tug on it.

"Edward … stop," I said, taking his hand in mine and linking our little fingers.

"Just because I've never thought about it doesn't mean that I won't ever think about you that way. You've been my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and my protector nearly my entire life. I don't want that to change."

"How is it that you always understand, Bella?" He smiled weakly.

"I'm your best friend. It's my job to understand."

"Am I stupid to be jealous over this guy who gets to eat lunch with you every day?"

"You're not stupid, Edward. Being jealous is human. If the roles were reversed, I'd be jealous too."

"But you like him."

I nodded and Edward sighed.

I rolled over in the hammock to face him.

"Edward … no one will ever replace you. You know that right?"

Edward nodded.

"I like him and I enjoy spending time with him, but I don't see the point in starting something I can't follow through on. You of all people know how that goes, Edward. I'll probably be going back to Vegas at the end of the summer, and it's hard enough being away from you and my dad – I don't want to add anyone else to the list of people I'll miss."

Edward gasped.

"You're going back to Vegas?"

I was saved by Esme's voice calling us in to the house to wash up for dinner.

The rest of the week passed quickly. On the last day of camp, we loaded up on buses and went to First Beach. There were several games set up on the beach: volleyball, Frisbee and tug-of-war. There were also a couple of people from the aquarium in Port Angeles who came to talk about the sea life in the tide pools.

Sue had told me I could invite Edward to join us as long as Esme or Carlisle brought him. I was glad to have him there and see him having fun after the awkwardness of our conversation in the hammock the previous Saturday. It was a conversation that I'd been dreading revisiting.

I introduced Edward to Eric and watched him nervously as he assessed Eric. I knew Edward wouldn't physically do anything but I wasn't sure what would come out of his mouth.

"Nice to meet you, Eric."

Eric shook his hand and returned the greeting.

I was pulled away from them when one of the girls in my group tugged me over to play Frisbee. Every now and then I had a moment to look around for Edward. He stood and talked with Eric for a few minutes before I saw him point over at me and he made his way toward me.

"Please tell me you were nice to Eric."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Edward …" I groaned.

"Yes, Boo, I was nice to him." He chuckled.

After lunch, Edward and I made our way up to the tide pools, our pinky fingers linked between us. He held on to my arm knowing all too well how clumsy I could be sometimes and I appreciated the gesture. Edward waited until we were pretty much alone before he pounced on me.

"Bella … can we talk?"

"Umm … yeah, I guess. What's on your mind?"

I really didn't want to think about what was on his mind. I knew Edward, and I knew that he wouldn't let the conversation from the last weekend go.

"Are you really going back to Vegas?"

I took a deep breath and sharply blew it out again.

"I don't know, Edward. Probably. I just can't imagine leaving my mom all by herself. I'd love to say that I was staying here but it would kill my mom and I don't think I could handle that. I know that you're going to say that my dad managed when we left but I didn't understand it then. I was ten when we left Dad, Edward. I couldn't see past my own hurt then. I've done a lot of growing in the nearly four years we've been gone. My heart aches that my dad when through that but he's better now and I can't imagine putting my mom through that."

"What if she wants you to move to Phoenix?"

"Honestly? I don't want to think about that. I'd like to think that she's taking some time to really think about what I want while I'm here for the summer."

"What if she doesn't?"

"I'll deal with it when I have to."

Edward sighed and I knew that he wanted to say more but I think he knew that I needed a break from the subject.

"What are you thinking?" I asked softly.

"That I want to be selfish and spend as much time with you as I possibly can before you leave me again."

His voice was no more than a whisper and it was filled with pain. My heart broke a little.

I turned toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me and returned the gesture, and I could feel his breath on my head as he kissed it sweetly. We parted grudgingly – I hadn't realized how good his arms felt wrapped around me until they were gone and I missed them. It obviously wasn't the first time we'd embraced, but it was the first time that so much emotion was involved.

I wanted to make the weekend fun for Edward; his birthday was the following day, and Esme was planning a party with all of our friends from Forks attending. My dad drove me over to the Cullen's fairly early on Saturday morning because I'd promised Esme I'd help her get everything ready. Edward was still sound asleep when I arrived and Carlisle had gone in for rounds so he'd be home in time for the party.

"Bella, how are you sweetheart? "

"I'm good, Esme. How are you?"

"Happy that you're here and even happier that I have a little bit of time with you before that son of mine monopolizes your company."

I couldn't help but giggle because Edward would do just that. We'd come to an agreement the day before as we walked back up the beach that we'd spend as much time together as possible.

"You and Edward have had a rough week, I think," Esme said softly.

"We have," I nodded. "Did he talk to you about it?"

"A little bit," she smiled. "Mostly he wants me to convince you stay here."

"Oh gosh, are you guys ganging up on me or what?"

"Oh no!" Esme laughed. "I told Edward I couldn't do that. I'd like you to stay here as much as he would, but if you feel that going back to Las Vegas is right for you then that's what you have to do, Bella."

Tears filled my eyes as I listened to what she was saying.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"I feel like I'm disappointing him. He feels like I'm leaving him. Edward's my best friend and I don't want him to feel that way." I put my head in my hands as I sat at the breakfast bar in Esme's kitchen.

"You can't protect everyone, Bella. You have to put yourself first, and take care of you. Everyone else is secondary."

"I just don't want him to feel like I'm turning my back on him. He wants me to stay so badly." I sighed. "My life would be so much easier if I could just get my mom to move back to Forks."

I felt warm arms wrap around me and soft lips at my temple.

"Bella …" Edward whispered. "I'm only disappointed that you're leaving again. I'm not disappointed in you. I don't agree with the reasons why you want to go back but I can understand them."

"You can?" I sniffled.

Edward nodded.

"Oh God, I'm slobbering all over you and it's your birthday."

"I think that's a present I'd rather overlook if you don't mind," Edward grinned.

Esme giggled before setting breakfast down in front of me, and she winked at me as if to tell me that everything would be all right.

Later that afternoon, I found myself sitting in a lounger talking to Alice and Rosalie of all people. I was surprised that Rosalie and Jasper's family had stayed in Forks as long as they had. Jasper was still sweet and shy and Rosalie was still the same bitch she'd been in kindergarten.

Jasper and Alice had finally figured out their feelings for one another and had been hanging out together as often as possible. Alice went on and on about how happy she was to be starting high school in September. Rosalie just rolled her eyes and shook her head. How Alice and Rosalie had become friends I'd never understand - although I'd venture to guess that Jasper had a lot to do with it.

I looked across the yard to see Edward and Jasper laughing as Mike Newton walked toward them tossing a hacky sack between them. Edward looked up and our eyes met. He smiled my smile and my heart leapt.

"You know, Bella ... you really shouldn't lead Edward on like that. He really cares for you. Maybe even loves you. If you can't commit to him you should tell him. Let him move on."

"Rosalie!" Alice shrieked.

"It's true!" Rosalie retorted.

"Rosalie ... my relationship with Edward is none of your business. It's no one's business but mine and Edward's." I spat angrily.

"He's a friend of mine, that makes it my business. Every time you leave, it hurts him. If you wanted to make him happy, you'd stay, but you never do."

I rose from the lounger and stomped into the house.

Esme smiled at me as I entered the kitchen.

"Everything okay, sweetheart?"

I smiled weakly.

"I need a few minutes …"

"Sure, honey. Go on up to Edward's room and take all the time you need."

Esme's tone was sympathetic and I muttered thanks.

I climbed the stairs and let myself into Edward's room. I plopped down in the cushy chair next to the window and glanced down at the backyard below. Alice was standing outside the circle where the boys were playing hacky sack. Edward has his head turned toward her and I could tell she was talking animatedly.

I had to admit that Rosalie's words hurt. Was I leading Edward on? All the conversations that I'd had with Edward over the past couple weeks swirled in my head.

I tried so hard not to cry, but I couldn't keep my tears at bay. I only wanted to find a quiet place to gather my thoughts and rein in my anger. I didn't want to ruin Edward's birthday party. I curled up in the chair, realizing that I couldn't stop my tears.

I didn't hear the soft knock at the door but I looked up to see Edward walking toward me.

"Bella …" He said softly as he knelt beside me.

His eyes were a soft, mossy green and the concern that I saw in them made me sob harder.

"Hey, hey, hey …" Edward crooned. "It's my party, I'm the only one allowed to cry."

I snorted and looked down at my hands that Edward held firmly in his grip.

"Talk to me, Boo. What's got you so upset that you had to hide?"

"Rosalie thinks I'm leading you on. She thinks you're in love with me and said that if I can't commit to you and stay here, that I should let you go."

Anger flashed across his face. His body tensed and his rage was palpable.

"Don't listen to her, Bella. She doesn't know what the hell she's talking about."

"But there's some truth to what she said, Edward. I've been thinking about our conversations from the last couple weeks and it makes sense. I can see why she sees it that way."

"Boo … she doesn't know us. She doesn't understand."

I nodded.

"Sorry I'm such a party pooper."

"You're not a party pooper. Rosalie hurt your feelings, Boo. It's okay to want to be alone for a while. I couldn't leave you up here forever. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't check in on you?"

"You're the best kind of friend because you always make sure I'm okay." I smiled.

Edward rose to his feet and pulled me out of my crouched position and up into his arms. I melted into his embrace and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt his lips press into my hair – just as they had pressed into my temple only hours before.

"You need to get back to your party." I murmured into his chest.

"Are you coming with me?"

I nodded and he released me from his embrace. We linked our pinky fingers and I followed him out of his room. He stayed pretty close to me for the rest of the afternoon but it didn't keep Rosalie from shooting me scathing looks.

After we ate, the guys wanted to play a game. Alice sidled up next to me while we waited for everyone to decide. There were twelve of us so no matter what we'd be evenly divided.

"Let's play Kissing Rugby," Lauren suggested.

"What's that?" Mike asked.

"All the guys get a number and all the girls get a letter. Girls on one side, guys on the other, and someone sits in the middle. Edward would sit in the middle first because he's the birthday boy. Edward would call out a number and a letter and in this case the girl would try to kiss Edward while the guy whose number was called tries to kiss the girl. Whoever loses goes to the middle. When you 'lose' three times you're out of the game." Lauren explained.

We also weren't allowed to know who had what number or what letter. Kisses had to be on lips or cheeks.

"C – Three!" Edward called out once we'd all sat in our places.

I panicked when I realized 'C' was me. I watched as Mike clamored to his feet. I lunged for Edward, knocking him over as I felt Mike's slobbery kiss on my cheek.

"You okay?" Edward asked, worried.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I giggled.

"Sorry, Boo." He quietly apologized.

I wasn't sure if he was sorry for unknowingly calling my letter or because Mike managed to kiss me before I could kiss Edward.

I took my place in the middle.

"A – Five!" I called out.

I saw both Rosalie and Edward coming toward me. Rosalie was a woman on a mission as they circled around me – Rosalie guarding my face. Edward moved toward me, and she pounced on him, pinning him to the floor and pressing her lips to his. She looked at me with a huge smirk on her face before sticking her tongue out at me. I watched Edward, and I couldn't tell if he wanted to apologize to me or wipe away the reminder of Rosalie's kiss. He looked completely torn and I could see his anger rising to the surface.

"Rosalie …" Edward growled.

She turned to smile at him and I could tell she was trying to be cute, but when she saw the look on his face her smile fell to the floor.

"Edward …" I whispered.

"Rosalie … you're such a bitch. That was totally uncalled for," Leah said, standing up next to Edward.

"I only wanted Edward to see what he's missing," Rosalie giggled.

"You're not Bella, so how could you possibly know what he's missing?" Jasper asked quietly. "Ro, let's go before you ruin any more of Edward's birthday."

Jasper turned to Edward and apologized for his errant sister's behavior before grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the door.

"Ed, I'll see you Monday, man. Happy birthday," Jasper smiled as he followed Rosalie out the door.

"Let's have some cake, shall we?" Esme piped in, trying to alleviate the awkwardness.

"Who wants ice cream?" Carlisle asked with a smile and a wink to me.

We ate cake and ice cream, and Edward opened his gifts. The awkwardness from earlier was almost completely gone. The only thing that was missing was Jasper. Edward sat his gift aside to open later.

Edward asked me if I'd stay for a while after everyone left, and I called my dad to make sure it was okay. Esme promised they'd bring me home before it got too late.

I didn't mind staying a bit later. I was glad actually. I wanted to give Edward his gift privately. It wasn't something I wanted to share with everyone else. Mostly because I knew it could be embarrassing for him – but I knew it was a gift that he'd love.

I helped Edward carry his presents up to his room and I sat a large box in front of him as he sat on the bed.

"What's this?"

"What does it look like?"

"Bella … you didn't have to get me anything. I'm just happy that you're here for my birthday."

"I know I didn't have to but I wanted to. Open it," I urged.

Edward carefully pulled the wrapping from the box and lifted the lid. When he saw the contents he laughed softly and pulled the fluffy teddy bear from the box.

"Baxter …" Edward whispered. "Bella … this is your favorite bear. I can't take him from you."

"Yes he is, and yes you will. I left him in Forks to keep Charlie company, and now he's going to stay with you and keep you company."

I was elated to find out that Edward knew Baxter was my favorite teddy bear. I collected them when I was little, and he was my very favorite. He was a Gund bear, and Santa brought him to me for Christmas one year. He sat proudly on my bed amongst all my other bears but he was the most loved. I slept with him every night, snuggled up in my arms. To me it felt like I was leaving a little bit of my heart with Edward. I did every time I left, but this time I could leave him with a tangible object.

Edward looked at me with the softest, sweetest smile on his face.

"Boo … I love it. Really, thank you. It's the best gift I've received with the exception of you being here."

"You're welcome. Happy Birthday."

I leaned over to hug him and surprised him by kissing him softly on his cheek.

"What was that for?" He asked quietly.

"That's for the kiss I should have given you earlier during the rugby game."

* * *

**A/N: Kissing Rugby is a real game and it's FUN! Wouldn't you want Edward to call out your number or letter? I sure as hell would ;)**

**So not everyone thought Bella was being whiny and I'm glad for that. Renee is being … difficult to say the least and it's Bella that bears the brunt of it. Let's just say we haven't seen the worst of it yet, okay?**

**Until next week … have a good one ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to my betas and prereader – darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 you ladies make my words better! Love you!

* * *

**Where Life Takes You**

* * *

Chapter Five

* * *

I spent the day after Edward's birthday with my dad. We got up and had a nice breakfast together before packing up and going fishing for the day. I didn't mind fishing with him. The thrill of the catch was actually fun; it was the cleaning of the fish I didn't like. Thankfully, Dad didn't mind cleaning them as long as I didn't mind frying them up or putting them in the freezer.

We were content sitting together and enjoying the quiet the outdoors provided. The only sounds around us were the trickling of the water and the birds chirping. I was grateful for the time to think after the emotion of the previous days. Did I really want to go back to Las Vegas? Not really, but I'd do it for my mom. I had the sinking feeling that she'd tell me as soon as I stepped off the plane that we were moving to Phoenix. I was dreading it, actually, but I couldn't let it hinder the summer. I was supposed to be spending it having fun with my dad and Edward.

Dad finally broke the silence as we packed up and headed home.

"So I hear you're leaning toward going back to Las Vegas."

I nodded.

"Baby girl, your momma can take care of herself. It's you that I'm not sure she can take care of. She tends to think with her heart instead of her head, and I don't want that to affect you. I can tell you that I want you to stay until I'm blue in the face but that said; I want you to do what you want to do. You're a smart girl and you have a level enough head to make that kind of a decision."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"You're welcome, kiddo. Just know that if you decide to go back to Vegas and things don't work out – all you have to do is call and I'll come get you. You can call me anytime – day or night."

I turned to him and wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. It was the kind of embrace we hadn't shared since my mom left with me. I missed my dad's hugs. They were warm, comforting and made me feel safe and loved.

"I love you so much, Bella. "

"I love you too, Daddy."

I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and finishing putting the last of the fish in the freezer when the phone rang. I picked up the phone thinking that it must have been someone calling for Dad since it was after seven.

"Bella?"

God, how I missed his voice and it had been less than twenty-four hours.

"Hey."

"Hey. How was fishing with Charlie?"

"It was good. What did you do today?"

"I went with my mom to the farmer's market in Port Angeles."

"Yeah? How was it?"

"Boring. It would have been more fun if you were there."

I giggled softly.

"I missed you today too, Eddo."

"Soo … I talked to my Aunt Charlotte today."

"She's the one in Tacoma right?"

"Yeah. She wants me to come visit for a week or so and she thought it might be fun if I brought some friends along. She said she'd get us tickets to Six Flags and maybe we'd go camping for a couple days."

"That's cool. When does she want you to come down?"

"She was thinking in a couple weeks. I think it sounds like fun."

"Definitely, but what about baseball?"

"Jazz and I can miss a week. Everyone else is taking a vacation too, so we wouldn't be the only ones. Does it sound like something you'd want to do?"

"Yeah, but what about Charlie? I mean I came here to spend time with him too. I'd feel guilty if I didn't see him for a week."

Edward sighed.

"Please? At least ask Charlie what his opinion is?"

"Who else are you asking to go?"

"Alice and Jazz. I don't want to be anywhere near Rosalie after this past weekend. What a disaster." Edward sighed again.

"Okay." I said softly.

"Okay?"

"Okay." I giggled.

Edward and I talked for a few more minutes before I promised to see him the following day at the baseball field. I joined my dad in the living room and told him about my conversation with Edward.

"I haven't seen Charlotte in years. She and Esme used to be really close and visited each other all the time. I know she's Edward's Godmother – maybe she just wants to spend some time with him. That's real nice of her to extend the invitation to his friends too."

"I think she's planning on taking everyone to Six Flags and maybe camping for a few days."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, baby girl. Let me call Esme in the morning and I'll talk to her about it, and I'll let you know, okay?"

"Thanks, Daddy. I understand if you don't want me to go. I came to visit you too."

After talking to Esme, my dad had no problem letting me go to Tacoma with Edward. Alice and Jazz tagged along as well, and we were all excited about going to Six Flags. Carlisle and Esme drove us to Charlotte's house. They stayed and visited for a bit before going back home with the promise they'd come pick us up the following Sunday.

Edward's Aunt Charlotte and her husband, Pete, lived in an upper class neighborhood in Tacoma. Their house was huge but homey and comfortable. Charlotte gave us a tour and told us to help ourselves if we needed anything.

"You guys have been here longer than five minutes so you're no longer guests." Charlotte smiled. "If you don't see it, we probably don't have it but don't be afraid to ask okay?"

"Aunt Char?" Edward asked.

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for having us. It's really cool of you to invite us."

"No problem, sweetie. I thought you guys might want to get out of Forks, and since Pete and I are both on vacation this week, we thought it might be fun."

Alice and I shared one of the guest rooms while Edward and Jasper shared the other one. We each had our own en-suite bathroom which excited Alice to no end. After dinner we helped clean up, and then Alice and I changed into our pajamas and met the boys down in the rec room to watch a couple movies. Charlotte and Peter had their own home theater with a cushy U shaped sofa and a big screen television.

I fell asleep in the middle of the second movie. I woke to Edward hovering over me and whispering that he'd help me get upstairs and into bed. Alice and Jasper had already gone upstairs leaving Edward and me alone.

"Come on, sleepy girl. Up you go. Let's get you to bed."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep, Edward."

"Don't apologize, Bella. It happens."

The next morning dawned gray and cloudy. It would only be a couple hours before the storm that was predicted hit us. The boys suggested that we continue our movie marathon and that sounded okay to me. I was miserable when I woke up. I had horrible cramps – I'd totally forgotten about my period - thank God for Alice. I managed to make my way downstairs where Charlotte had breakfast waiting for us and the boys were already half-way through their pancakes. Unfortunately, as good as everything looked and smelled, I didn't feel much like eating.

While I didn't have a problem telling Alice why I wasn't feeling well, I wasn't too keen on telling Edward. True, he's my best friend and I can tell him just about everything – this particular subject wasn't one I cared to talk about with him. It squicked me out, so I was sure that it would do the same to him.

I munched on a piece of bacon and drank a small glass of orange juice while everyone else enjoyed their fluffy pancakes. Alice and Jasper helped Charlotte clean up the dishes while I went upstairs to find some Tylenol.

I wasn't expecting Edward to knock on the bedroom door.

"Everything okay, Boo? You didn't eat much at breakfast and pancakes are your favorite."

"I'm okay. My stomach is feeling a little off is all."

"Are you sure?" Edward asked with a worried look.

I nodded.

Together we walked down to the theater where Jasper was just putting in the first movie. I did my best to try and get comfortable, but no matter what I did – my cramps got worse. I excused myself and went upstairs to lie down. Charlotte was upstairs folding laundry when I made it to the guest room.

"Bella? Are you all right?"

She came in and sat on the bed next to me. My cramps were so bad I couldn't hold back the tears that filled my eyes. I knew at that point I couldn't keep it from her so I told her why I was feeling so awful. She left the room for a few moments and came back with a heating pad.

"This will help," She promised. "Try and rest for a while. I'll come back and check on you later."

I had just begun to fall asleep when I felt the bed dip and a warm body curled up next to me.

"Edward …" I whispered.

"Boo … what's wrong?"

I looked up into Edward's concerned face and found so much worry there.

I was so embarrassed that I didn't say anything, but I should have known that Edward wouldn't leave me alone. It was one of the many things I loved about him. I felt a little better having him there with me.

"Is it a girl thing?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Bella … don't be embarrassed about it." He said softly.

"D-Doesn't it bother you?"

"No," he chuckled. "I don't want graphic details, but no, it doesn't bother me."

I started to laugh but cringed when another cramp wracked my stomach. I curled up tighter into the ball I was in and held the heating pad to my stomach.

"Do you have cramps?"

"Yes …" I whimpered. "They hurt really badly, Edward. I've never had cramps this bad before – I don't know why it's happening."

"Oh, Bella. Do you care if I lie here with you? I can't take the pain away, but I'll keep you company and I'll even rub your back if it helps."

"O-Okay."

When my cramps subsided, I rolled over to face him and he lay with me quietly. We didn't need to fill the silence. He held my hands in his and I drifted off to sleep. When I woke hours later, Edward was still right there with me, his bright green eyes wide and waiting for me to tell him how I was feeling

"How are you feeling?"

"A little better. You stayed."

"Where else am I gonna go, Bella?"

The next morning, I felt much better, but Aunt Flo had arrived with her bags fully packed. Thankfully, my cramps were virtually gone. However, it didn't keep Edward from watching me like a hawk. I'd gone downstairs for dinner the night before and I even managed to sit through two entire movies before the pain took over again. Charlotte gave me some Midol and told me to lie down again. Edward shamelessly followed me and made sure I was tucked into bed and he stayed until I was asleep humming softly to me.

Charlotte and Pete took us to Six Flags that day after I promised them I was perfectly fine and able to go. Once we were in the park, Alice and I hooked our arms together and skipped ahead of Charlotte, Pete and the boys. Alice was determined that if she could take my mind off my visitor I'd have a better time – and she was right.

We got in line for a huge, white wooden roller coaster. It was one of the first ones built, and Jasper promised that it was fun. I was a little leery of the roller coasters – it seemed unnatural to me for something to travel upside down and it scared me – a lot if I was being honest. Alice promised they were fun and Edward swore that I wouldn't have to ride anything I felt uncomfortable with.

It turned out that the ride wasn't that bad after all. Alice sat next to me and held my hand. I laughed at how childish it was but it was so comforting, I couldn't bring myself to let go. I giggled throughout the ride. I don't know why I found it so funny and I was still giggling when we stepped off the ride. Edward and Jasper looked at me like I had three heads.

"You okay there, Boo?" Edward asked.

"I'm good," I nodded.

Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and wandered off toward the next ride. Edward shrugged and stuck out his hand as if to say 'after you'. We rode a few of the smaller rides and played the games on the midway. Jasper was determined to win a stuffed animal for Alice who was beside herself with excitement. I tapped Edward's shoulder and told him I was going to get a frozen lemonade and sit under the trees in the shade.

Edward found me a few minutes later.

"Are you having fun?" He asked softly.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"Feeling okay?"

"For the most part. I mean, I feel like I usually do when I have my … uh, you know … period. I don't know where yesterday's cramps came from. That was awful."

"Yeah, it was pretty bad and I wasn't the one feeling it. I felt so helpless yesterday, Bella. I'm sorry you felt so shitty."

Edward started to say something else but got cut off by Jasper saying that they wanted to walk up toward the bigger coasters. He must have seen the panic in my face.

"Bella, I meant what I said earlier about you not having to ride them if you don't want to."

"But I don't want to wait by myself." I pouted.

"You won't have to wait by yourself. I'll wait with you."

"What fun would that be for you, Edward? You like the roller coasters, you shouldn't have to sit and wait with me."

Edward sighed.

"At least I'd get some time alone with you, Bella."

I looked into his eyes and saw exactly what he was asking me for and my heart hurt for him because I wasn't ready to give it to him no matter how much I wanted to. He wanted me to be his girlfriend and I wanted it too, but I knew it would either make us or break us and I was scared of either option. Edward admitted that he liked me as more than a friend. While I hadn't thought about him that way up until that point – the more I thought about it; the more I realized that I felt the same way. I didn't want to lose my best friend. I didn't want the aching feeling that I always felt when I left him at the end of a visit to be multiplied by a thousand. I didn't want to miss him more than I already did when he was sitting right next to me.

"We're alone right now, Edward."

"That's not what I mean, Bella. I mean you and me by ourselves with no one else that knows us around. No Alice and Jazz. Just us."

He stood up to follow Jazz and held out his hand to help me up off the grass. I took it willingly and trailed along behind them. I laughed as I saw Alice lugging around a ridiculously huge Tweety Bird.

"I'm glad you have to carry that around and not me," I giggled.

"Shut it, Tweety's cool."

We made our way to one of the biggest coasters in the park and both Jasper and Alice begged me to go on it. It looked so freakin' scary. It went upside down six times and had eight corkscrews. I could only imagine myself throwing up before we'd even gotten to the first loop.

"Please, Bella? I promise this ride goes so fast you'll hardly notice the loops and corkscrews. It's so much fun." Alice begged.

I looked over at Edward who had been quiet the entire time. I could tell that he wanted to ride it. It was one of the newer rides and he hadn't been on it yet.

"Will you hold my hand the entire time?" I asked him softly.

"Of course I will, Bella."

I may as well have waved the white flag right then and there.

"You can't be mad at me if I throw up though, okay?"

"Okay."

Alice squealed with excitement and I wondered why in the hell I agreed to this.

Jasper led us to the line followed by Alice and Edward. Once again I brought up the rear. As we stood in the long line, I could feel the anxiety rising within myself. I hadn't noticed that Edward's warm hand enveloped mine until I heard him say my name.

"Bella? Come on, it's our turn."

I kept telling myself over and over that Edward was the only person in the world that I would put myself in this position for – and that was the truth. I held on to his hand tightly and squeezed my eyes closed. I could hear Edward chuckle beside me as he pulled the shoulder restraint down over me.

"Bella … breathe. You're going to be fine, I promise. I'm right here if you need me."

I always needed him – didn't he know that?

"'Kay." I squeaked.

I opened my eyes for a moment as the car began to climb up toward the sky. The clicking of the car as it climbed seemed ominous.

"Here we go, Bella!" Edward shouted.

I felt gravity take over and pull us down.

"EDDWAAAAARD!" I screamed.

I couldn't hear anything else around me but the screams of other people. I thought I heard Alice laughing ahead of us but my heart was thumping so loud in my chest that the sound filled my ears.

We came to a sudden stop and I could hear the hydraulics of the brakes and it broke me out of my stupor.

"Bella?" Edward asked.

It sounded like he was talking to me but the sound was muted like I was under water.

"Is she okay?" A foreign voice asked.

"She'll be okay," Edward promised.

He held my arm tightly as he guided me out of the car and onto the platform. Once we were clear of the exit, Edward pulled me to his chest and held me tight.

"Are you all right, Bella? Please say something," Edward begged.

I smiled against his chest and wrapped my arms around him to hug him.

"Can we go again?" I asked sheepishly.

I felt him shake with laughter and I'm sure it was mixed with relief. He'd been genuinely worried that I wasn't okay.

"Of course we can, Boo. But we'll let you rest a bit first. Your heart is flying. Are you sure you're okay?"

I was still a little shaky from the adrenaline that was coursing through me and I knew immediately that was why he was asking.

I nodded against his chest and he released his hold on me. I immediately missed his comfort and warmth but reminded myself it was for the best.

We were exhausted and hungry when we got home that night. Pete called and ordered us pizza and we cleaned up and changed into pajamas while we waited. Jasper wanted to watch another movie and both Alice and I warned him that we knew we wouldn't be able to stay awake for the entire movie. Both Edward and Jasper laughed at us but said they understood.

Charlotte asked if we were still interested in going camping for a couple of days before we went home and we told her yes.

"Cool. We'll leave the day after tomorrow and come home early Sunday morning. Sound good?"

We all murmured yes and wished her goodnight.

The next day, Alice and I went out shopping with Charlotte to get everything we'd need for our camping trip. Pete and the boys were in charge of getting all the gear together.

"We only have two-four person tents," Charlotte explained. "So it's up to you guys what you want to do. We can have a girls tent and a boys tent or you four can sleep in one tent and Pete and I in the other. But … and this is a big but … you have to behave yourselves. Bella, I know you and Edward are just friends but, Alice, you and Jasper aren't. I talked to all of the parents about it and they're okay with it if you all can behave.

"It'll be fine, Aunt Char." Alice promised. "Jasper and I aren't at that point in our relationship. Even if we were – I wouldn't flaunt it in front of other people. I just hope the boys realize that they're going to have to be patient with us."

I couldn't help my giggle and Aunt Char raised her eyebrow at me.

"Girly things," I giggled again.

"Ahh."

We spent the afternoon getting Charlotte and Pete's Escalade packed up with all our gear. We'd put the food in right before we were ready to head out. It was a nice evening and we ended up grilling hamburgers out on their deck, and Alice and the boys decided they wanted to swim in the pool. I'd brought my suit but I felt uncomfortable getting in the pool with Aunt Flo visiting.

"Come on, Bella. You should come swimming with us. The pool's heated." Jasper grinned.

"Nah … I'm good. I think I'll just run inside and get the book I'm reading."

I'd just stepped into the guest room when I heard Edward behind me.

"Bella? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Because you don't want to go swimming. You love to swim."

"I'm just uncomfortable, that's all, Edward. If I wasn't on my period I'd be all about going swimming."

I grabbed my book, and Edward and I walked back down to the deck. I knew I probably shouldn't have made a big deal about not going swimming, but I was nervous. I'd never used a tampon before and I didn't want to have an accident in front of Edward and Jasper. Alice had tried her best to make me feel comfortable – maybe there was just something wrong with me.

We got up early the next morning and packed the coolers in the car. I grabbed my backpack and pillow and settled into my seat – next to Edward. We were headed to Mt. Rainier National Park. Pete promised it was only a couple hour drive at the most. We stopped and had fast food for breakfast before really getting on the road. I put on my headphones and curled up in a ball to read my book.

The next thing I knew, Edward was gently shaking my shoulder; waking me up.

"We're here, Boo. Time to wake up."

Pete and Jasper had carried the coolers over to the picnic table, and Alice and Charlotte were pulling out the tents. I joined them and we went in search of a place to set them up. We found some fairly level spots just out of view of the campsite. We wanted to be close but still far enough away that there was a bit of privacy.

I'd been camping enough with Charlie that I was able to figure out how to put up the tent fairly quickly. Pete came over and hammered in the stakes for us, and then we were able to get our sleeping bags and the extra blankets we'd brought.

Pete suggested that we take a short hike and stretch our legs before coming back to eat lunch. We could go on a longer hike after lunch.

"Tomorrow I'd like to hike up to the falls," Edward said quietly.

"That would be a nice hike, Edward. Remember when we used to go up there when you were little?"

Edward nodded.

I vaguely remembered Edward telling me about his camping trips with his family when he was younger. He was completely mesmerized by the waterfalls. He always said that he'd like to take me there someday and now was his chance.

That night, we built up a big fire after dinner and after Alice and I changed into our sweats we gathered around the fire – roasting marshmallows and telling scary stories.

"Bella … do you remember the story that old Billy Black told your dad about the cold ones?" Edward asked.

I shuddered at the memory.

"Yeah, but I wish I didn't. I hated those stories."

I should have counted on Edward's memory being as good as mine. He remembered the story all too well and recounted it to the others flawlessly.

It was the last thing I needed to be thinking of as I was drifting off to sleep that night. I know that Edward had been harmless with his suggestion – he had no idea the trouble it would cause later.

The boys walked with us to the bathrooms before we went back to our tent. We washed our faces and brushed our teeth and the boys were standing outside waiting for us when we were done. We walked back quietly and Edward asked if we needed a minute before they crawled into the tent. Alice told him no and let him lead us in with the lantern.

We slept with our heads in the center of the tent; Jasper by the door then Alice, Edward and finally me by the back of the tent. Alice and I were on one side and Edward and Jasper were on the other.

"Night, Boo," Edward said softly as I snuggled into my sleeping bag.

I was running – as fast as my legs would carry me but I couldn't see what I was running from. I only knew that it was something dangerous. The brine from the ocean assaulted my senses as I ran through lush green forest. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a wolf – only it wasn't just any wolf. It was huge – the size of a Clydesdale horse. It was growling and baring its teeth at me. I panicked; not knowing what to do when I felt a breeze behind me and I turned to find a man with hair black as ebony and blood red eyes staring back at me.

"Bella? Bella …" I heard in the distance. It was Edward's voice I heard but I couldn't distinguish where it was coming from. I wanted to find it so desperately because I knew along with that voice came safety and comfort.

The wolf and the strange man circled around me; I felt like a caged animal. The man laughed sinisterly and it sent chills up my spine. I could hear myself whimpering and I screamed when I felt strong hands grasp my upper arms.

"Bella! Wake up! You're having a nightmare, Boo."

I looked up to find mossy green eyes looking down at me in the dim light. I looked around, frightened and saw that Jasper and Alice were both awake as well; Alice was perched in Jasper's lap. I sighed and threw my arms around Edward's neck breathing in as much of his sweet smell as I could. His arms encircled me and he drew patterns on my back trying to relax me.

"Shhh … sweet girl. You're okay, you're safe. I've got you," Edward crooned.

I felt the tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks as I clung to him.

"I heard you … in my dream. At least I think I did. It was your voice calling my name," I murmured into Edward's chest. "I tried to see where it was coming from but I couldn't. I was so scared."

"I know, Bella. You were whimpering in your sleep and you whispered my name. I'm right here and you're safe, Bella."

Edward was everything I needed him to be; safe, comforting, a friend. I burrowed against his chest and clung to him with everything that I had – willing him to chase away the memory of my nightmare.

"Stay with me," I begged.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella," he whispered into my hair.

I awoke what only felt like a few hours later. I was warm; enveloped by Edward's embrace. I could feel the cool of the morning around us but I was so comfortable where I was that I hated to move. I looked up to see Edward sleeping peacefully; his long lashes resting against his cheeks and his hair a riotous mess. Edward's lips looked so soft – I wondered for a moment what they would feel like against mine – if the years since he'd kissed me last had changed them.

"Bella? Edward?" I heard Alice say softly. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I whispered back. "I am anyway. What's up?" I asked sleepily.

"Breakfast is ready. Peter wants to get going … there is supposed to be a summer storm late this afternoon and he wants to be back before it hits."

"Okay. Give us a few minutes."

I nudged Edward gently and knew he was awake when a slow smile spread across his face. My eyes lingered a bit longer than they should have and I soon found myself staring into amused emerald eyes. I blushed and attempted to hide my face.

"Don't hide, Bella," Edward said softly as he raised my chin with his finger. "Are you okay?"

I nodded as a single tear slipped down my face.

"Sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night."

"Don't apologize, Boo. It's fine. I'm just glad you're okay. You really worried me there for a minute. Your dream was so intense and so real that you didn't hear me calling your name or you did and you thought it was a part of your dream."

"Please, don't remind me." I sighed.

The hike up to the waterfalls was beautiful. Pete pointed out flowers and plants as we walked along the path. Edward stayed close to me but gave me enough space that I didn't feel smothered. At one point, Alice and I paired off and walked by ourselves for a bit. We talked about my nightmare, and Alice asked me how I truly felt about Edward.

"He's in love with you, Bella. You can't tell me you don't see that."

"I know and I do. I'm just not sure what to do about it, Alice. He's my best friend and has been for as long as I can remember. I'm deathly afraid of making an epic mistake."

"Do you want my opinion for what it's worth?"

I nodded.

"I think that you are both worthy of a chance. He deserves to show you the love he has for you and you deserve to receive it. I know you love him too, Bella. Show him – he needs to know you at least care for him. Why won't you at least talk to him about it instead of ignoring the elephant in the room?"

"Because I don't want him to be more disappointed than he already is. He wants me to stay in Forks, and I can't. Even if I talked to him and we sorted out these … feelings, I'll still be going back to Las Vegas. I don't want to make the goodbye harder than it already is."

"Oh, Bella …" Alice said sadly. "I wish you'd tell him you love him. He needs to know."

I picked at the hem of my shirt and was just about to answer when I heard a voice behind me.

"She already has."

* * *

**A/N: So Edward knows how Bella feels. Maybe it wasn't the way she wanted him to find out, but at least he knows, right?**

**FYI – because I didn't mention it before and I should have … this story will post every Tuesday. I like to keep ahead in my writing so there shouldn't be a lapse in updates. This will be a slow burn, so settle in for the ride ;)**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, I greatly appreciate them. I wish I had more time to reply to them all.**

**Thanks for reading and I'll see you next week!**


	6. Chapter 6

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my prereader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – they make my words prettier.

* * *

**Never Let Go**

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

I was mortified to find out that I'd murmured to Edward in my sleep that I loved him. It was even worse that he actually heard me say it. I really wish my subconscious had a better verbal filter.

I couldn't look at Edward let alone talk to him. Alice gave me an apologetic look and grabbed my arm saying that we should rejoin the others. I didn't say a word to Edward on the way back to camp – or for the rest of the afternoon for that matter.

Edward would begin to say something only to have Alice interrupt whatever it was he wanted to say. How she knew I needed her to intervene, I'll never understand but I was thankful for it none the less.

Alice and I tucked into bed early that evening. Jasper walked us to the bathrooms and back to our tent. I carefully laid Edward's things back on the boy's side of the tent and burrowed into my own sleeping bag. I was almost asleep when I heard Alice.

"You can't ignore him forever, Bella." She whispered.

"I know. I wish I knew what to say to him."

"Tell him what's in your heart. He'll understand. This is Edward we're talking about."

I giggled and drifted off to sleep lost in my thoughts.

The next morning, I was the last one out of the tent. Pete, Edward and Jasper had already taken off for the morning leaving Charlotte, Alice and me to do whatever we wanted.

"I thought maybe we'd head into town for a bit and join the guys for another hike this afternoon," Charlotte suggested.

"That sounds good right, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Sure," I agreed.

Charlotte drove us into the nearest town. It was quaint and seemed fairly quiet. We strolled along the streets peering into the windows and occasionally stopping to go in if something caught our eye. I found a really pretty collectors plate with a sweet poem on it that I bought for Charlotte and Pete to thank them for having us. We also stopped in a little patisserie – everything looked so delicious and we decided to splurge on something for ourselves and the guys as well. I chose a layered Belgian chocolate brownie for Edward. I was well aware of his fondness for chocolate and I thought I'd get it as a peace offering of sorts – hoping that I'd get to talk to him that afternoon while we were on our hike.

We ate lunch in a little café and made our way back to camp. The boys were waiting for us when we got back.

"We're all ready for our hike if you girls are ready to go." Pete smiled.

"I think we are. Girls?"

"I need the restroom," I blushed.

We stopped quickly at the restrooms before hiking up the trail. Alice took my hand and squeezed it quickly before she skipped ahead to catch up with Jasper.

I hung back with Edward – still a bit embarrassed from the day before. I wasn't exactly sure what to say but I knew I needed to say something. Edward unfortunately beat me to the punch.

"Bella … I'm sorry I butted in on your and Alice's conversation yesterday. I honestly didn't mean to overhear and then I couldn't stop myself when I did."

"It's okay, Edward. I just wish that you had told me about talking in my sleep."

"I know, Bella. I would have told you sooner or later, but Jazz and Alice were sound asleep. They didn't hear anything, I promise."

I nodded.

"Bella … what you said … I'd really like to hear you say it when you're awake – when you're aware you're saying it. Until then, I can't really believe it's true."

I sighed, knowing it was.

"I wish I could be as uninhibited as my subconscious. I'm so scared, Edward."

"What are you scared of, Bella?"

"Losing our friendship; making things harder than they need to be."

"We'll never lose our friendship, Bella. It can only get better – stronger."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. But you can't shut down on me and push me away like you did yesterday. It really sucked that you did that." Edward said sadly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Bella … why do you think it would make things harder?"

"It would make things more real. Saying goodbye would be awful. I don't even want to think about it."

"I don't want to push you, Bella but this thing between us – we have to talk about it."

"I thought we were?"

Edward sighed.

"Bella, you know what I mean."

We stopped walking and I watched to see that everyone else was out of earshot.

"See … this is why I'm scared, Edward." I said raising my voice slightly. "It feels awkward and it's never been like that with us before. This conversation that we're having is only complicating things and I hate it."

Unshed tears burned in my eyes, and I felt like my heart was breaking in two. Part of it withering and falling to the ground like leaves from a tree.

"Bella …" Edward whispered as he reached out to me, pulling me into his arms. "Don't cry, please. Your tears are killing me. I … I just want whatever part of you you're willing to give me, but I refuse to give up on us. If you want something more but not right now; I'm willing to wait. I'll wait as long as you want me to."

"You'd … you'd wait for me?"

"Yeah, Boo, I would. You're worth every minute. I mean it. Just promise to tell me if I'm waiting in vain."

"No," I sniffled. "I want … something with you Edward. If - and only if we can keep our friendship. Remember we promised friends first?"

Edward nodded into my hair.

"I want it when I'm here on a more permanent basis, Edward. I don't want a long distance relationship. I have enough heartache with our long distance friendship. Right now … the best thing that you could give me is support – I know it's not going to be fun when I go home to Las Vegas. I'm betting that Mom will want to move forward in her relationship with Phil, and if that happens, I'll be on the first plane back to Seattle."

Edward squeezed me tighter and murmured into my hair that he'd give me whatever I needed.

"I just really need my friend right now," I said softly as I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye.

Edward nodded and reached for my hand – linking our pinky fingers. He nodded that we should catch up to the others and tugged my finger. It was in that sweet silence between us that I felt a glimmer of hope.

The falls were beautiful, and I understood why Edward wanted me to see them so badly. We'd seen a glimpse of them the day before but it was from a distance. We were close enough now to feel the fine mist of the water on our skin. Charlotte had brought her camera and snapped picture after picture of all of us – together and apart.

"I promise to send Edward extra copies so he can share them with you, Bella."

"Thanks, Charlotte." I said as we walked back to our campsite.

We had another evening of campfires and stories. Edward even pulled out the guitar he'd brought along and played for us.

"Will you sing along with me, Boo?"

"Edward …" I sighed.

"Please?"

Edward played softly as I sang along with him. It was a song he'd played a thousand times but I'd only sang a few. It was sweet and slow and the lyrics held so much meaning – the reason why I was so hesitant to sing along in the first place.

When the song ended, Charlotte and Pete wished us goodnight and went to their tent. Alice yawned and said she wanted to go to bed too. She stood and Jasper followed her, leaving Edward and me alone.

"Come here, Boo." Edward said softly, motioning with his hand.

"Edward …" I breathed warningly.

Edward's emerald green eyes bore into mine, pleading for me to acquiesce to his request. I sighed heavily before I went over to him. He took my hand and pulled me down in between his legs.

Laying his head on my shoulder he whispered, "You okay?"

"Yeah."

My eyes were focused on the flames in front of me.

"Ready to go home tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but this week has been fun."

"Even with not feeling well and the heaviness between us?"

"Yeah, even with all that."

Edward pulled me back against his chest and I melted into him humming in contentment.

"Tell me a story, Edward."

"A story?"

"Mmmhmm."

"What kind of story?"

"Something soothing – nothing scary."

"Nothing scary – got it."

Edward told me a story about two kids who met in preschool and became best friends. They supported and protected each other becoming as thick as thieves.

It was interesting and heartwarming to hear the story of our friendship from Edward's perspective. He remembered some of the things that I'd long forgotten. When he got to the part where Mom and I left – it nearly broke my heart at how honest he was. I had to stop him because I just couldn't listen anymore.

I sat up feeling very raw and emotional.

"Bella?" Edward asked.

"I think I'm ready for bed now."

I helped Edward smother the remains of the fire with sand, and we made our way to the tent to grab our things for our trip to the bathroom.

As I snuggled into my sleeping bag, I kept hearing Edward's voice in my head – the inflection in it was so sad when he told me what it was like when we first left and I couldn't stop the tears. I knew if he went on it would only get worse. I laid there for what felt like forever thinking about how to make things easier for Edward and myself.

I felt warm arms wrap around me and gentle lips press against the back of my head.

"Why are you crying?" Edward whispered.

I didn't answer and he didn't question me again. He did stay wrapped around me and I finally fell into a restless sleep.

~~NLG~~

"Hey, kiddo!" My dad greeted me when I walked in the front door the following evening.

"Hi, Dad."

"How was your trip?"

I told him about our day at Six Flags and our camping trip – conveniently leaving out the fact that I hadn't felt well for a couple of days.

"Esme asked if you could make Grandma Swan's Blueberry Pudding Cake for tomorrow so make a list and I'll pick up whatever you need at the store."

"Yeah, she told me. I can make it at her house though. We can run to the store and you can drop me off before work."

"Sure, kiddo. Fourth of July should be good this year, eh?"

"Yeah." I smiled.

"Are you sad Edward's leaving for baseball camp for a week?"

"No, Dad. I know we can't hang out all the time."

It was the truth, and I knew that it would work out better that way.

The next day was the Fourth and I got up early. Dad and I headed to the store, and then he dropped me off at the Cullen's. Esme was just pulling a frittata out of the oven when I got there.

"Hey, sweetheart." Esme smiled.

"'Mornin'."

"Let's eat and then we'll make dessert."

Edward was adorably rumpled when he came down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Hey, Boo."

"'Mornin', sleepy head."

Edward and I ate in silence as Esme rambled out a list of things she needed help with. Carlisle would be home from his shift around noon and he'd be able to get the grill ready. After breakfast, Esme and I made the blueberry pudding cake while Edward mowed the lawn. It was warm and muggy outside – the sun was supposed to make an appearance at some point during the day, so when we finished up the pudding cake, I poured a glass of tea and carried it out to Edward.

"Thanks," He smiled as the sweat ran down his face. "That pool so has my name on it when we're done."

I giggled.

"Should I get the patio chairs out as soon as you're done with the backyard?"

"Yeah, thanks, Boo."

With my help, we made quick work of the rest of Edward's chores, and before long we were lounging in the hammock sipping on iced tea and strawberry limeade.

Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett eventually joined us. Edward and Jasper had befriended Emmett because he played summer ball with them. He was a couple years older and would be a junior when school started in September.

I worried a bit when Edward told me that Rosalie was coming. I knew she had a crush on him and while I'd never talked to Edward about it – I knew he didn't return her feelings.

"Bella, don't worry about Rosalie. I know she was a bitch at my birthday party, but Jazz talked to her and she won't be an issue today."

"It's okay, Edward. I'll deal with whatever comes. You don't always need to protect me."

"It's my job to protect you, Bella." Edward smiled crookedly.

When our friends arrived, Edward re-introduced me to Emmett. I'd met him the first time I came to visit for Christmas but it had been a while. Sure, I'd seen him at Edward's practices and games but I didn't interact with him. Emmett was nice and friendly – like an oversized teddy bear with an infectious smile. I liked him immensely and so did Rosalie. She spent the entire afternoon trying to garner his attention. Emmett wasn't having any of it.

We spent the afternoon lazing about in the hammock and splashing around in the pool. I stayed close to Edward and Emmett, trying to avoid too much interaction with Rosalie. I didn't want to put Alice and Jasper in an awkward position but I did want to spend time with them. Alice and I had gotten closer over the past few weeks and we promised to stay in touch after I went home to Las Vegas.

We were playing Marco Polo in the pool and Rosalie purposely let Emmett catch her. Rosalie was relentless in her attempts to get Emmett to even look at her. At one point he'd had enough.

"Rosalie, what's your deal?" Emmett asked angrily.

Rosalie looked at him dumbfounded.

"You've spent a better part of the afternoon trying to get my attention. Now that you've got it – what the hell do you want?"

"I wanted your attention so I could get to know you," She smiled, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Rosalie, do you have something in your eye?" Edward asked. "The powder room is down the hall past the kitchen."

Everyone except for Rosalie snickered.

"I don't have anything in my eye damn it!" Rosalie screeched.

"See …" Emmett began, "that right there is why you don't deserve my attention. You've done nothing but shoot Bella dirty looks all afternoon. You've been a nasty bitch since you walked in the door. There's nothing attractive about that – at all. If you want people – guys specifically to pay attention to you – you need to change your attitude; especially if you're starting high school in September."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and looked at Edward.

"Edward doesn't think I'm a bitch. Do you, Edward?"

Edward nodded.

"Yeah, I do, Rosalie. You're mean and couldn't care less about anyone else's feelings."

"But …" Rosalie began and glanced at Jasper as if she were asking him to save her.

"Guys …" I said softly, feeling sorry for Rosalie.

"Bella, you're the last person who should be standing up for my sister. All her anger and nastiness has been directed at you – for no other reason than the fact that she's jealous." Jasper pointed out quietly.

"Jealous? Of Bella?" Rosalie huffed. "You've got to be kidding."

"No, he's not, Rosalie." Alice interjected. "Bella has an amazing bond with Edward that you can't even begin to understand but you want the same thing so badly. How can you want something that you don't understand?"

Rosalie opened her mouth and closed it again before getting up to go sit with her parents. I felt kind of bad after everyone unloaded on her but no one said anything that wasn't true.

"Don't you dare feel bad, Bella. Rosalie needed to hear that or she'll only get worse." Jasper said quietly.

Mercifully not long after Rosalie left, Esme called us for dinner. Carlisle grilled hamburgers, hot dogs and chicken kabobs. Esme and I made potato, macaroni, and fruit salads and devilled eggs; our typical barbeque menu. For dessert, we had my blueberry pudding cake and fresh watermelon.

The boys, being the clowns they were, decided to have a seed spitting contest.

"Boo … can I have your watermelon?" Edward asked sweetly as he eyed my watermelon that was riddled with seeds.

"No! Go get your own!" I giggled. "You guys are so gross!"

"Come on, Bella … I'd have to go into the house to get more," He pouted, sticking out his bottom lip and looking at me with sad, wide eyes.

"No," I giggled again.

Edward reached out and tickled me, being careful of the precious red melon that sat on a plate on the blanket next to me.

"Edward!" I squealed as he continued his attack.

"Okay, okay! Fine take it!" I conceded.

Edward's face was only inches from mine and I gasped at the realization. He smiled down at me and brushed his lips gently against mine before kissing my cheek.

"Thanks, Boo," he breathed before pushing off of me and taking off with my watermelon.

I sat up feeling out of sorts – Edward had been so playful then suddenly turned serious. The very thought of the look in his eyes made my heart hurt. I'd have one more week before Edward left for baseball camp and then a few days after that I was leaving for Las Vegas.

I had to find a way to tell him. I knew it would upset him but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye because he'd never forgive me and I wasn't sure I could forgive myself.

I didn't want to ruin our evening. After Rosalie received her dressing down, she apologized to me and was actually pleasant. No one else apologized to her but she told them that she didn't expect anyone to. Rosalie was pretty quiet after that. She left Emmett alone and only spoke when she was spoken to.

We piled into our cars and headed down to First Beach where fireworks were set off every year. We took our blankets and found a decent spot to sit. The adults were happy to let us go off on our own; trusting Emmett to keep an eye on us.

I shivered as Edward spread out the blanket for us to share. He chuckled and threw his hoodie at me.

"I knew you'd get cold, Boo."

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Come on," Edward urged as he pulled me down between his legs.

I leaned against his warm chest as the fireworks began to boom in front of us and I knew it was a moment I'd always remember.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry this chapter is a little late in updating. I've been sick the last couple of days and haven't felt well enough to sit in front of the computer long enough to check my email let alone edit a chapter.**

**HUGE thanks to sixdblfive for nominating Never Let Go for Fic of the Week over at the Lemonade Stand. There are a few hours left to vote, so if you feel ever so inclined – please vote. I'm up against some heavy hitters as far as authors go, but I am completely honored to be nom'd. As I expected, this story hasn't had near the traffic that WYLEI had – but thank you to each and every one of you who has read and reviewed. Thanks for giving it a chance.**

**See you next week!**


	7. Chapter 7

Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 and my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971. They make my writing so much better.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Seven

* * *

The week following the Fourth of July was one of the hardest I'd ever endured. I knew that I'd have to tell Edward about my decision to leave Forks early, and it wasn't a decision I came to lightly. When I arrived in Forks I never thought that things between Edward and I could get as complicated as they did. I was blissfully ignorant of my feelings toward him and his toward me.

I knew he wanted me to stay in Forks. I wanted to stay for him but I couldn't bring myself to leave my Mom. Why did I have to choose between two of the people I loved the most?

Edward was leaving on Sunday morning for his baseball camp with Jasper and Emmett. I'd told Alice my decision, and she was sad but understood.

"When are you going to tell him?" She asked.

"Thursday. Esme's going to pick me up and we're going to First Beach after Edward's practice."

Alice nodded.

"Call me if you need me … after."

"I will."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Bella. He'll be hurt, but it's better that you tell him instead of just leaving."

Thursday dawned slowly with the promise of a warm and sunny day. Esme picked me up at a quarter of nine and I grabbed my beach bag and headed out the door.

"I talked to Charlie on Monday." Esme said softly. "Are you sure you want to leave early?"

"Yeah. It's just something I need to do."

"Sweetheart, why do I get the feeling that when you leave this time we're not going to see you again for a while?"

"Esme, don't be silly. I'll be back for Christmas."

We climbed up the bleachers and sat down; watching the boys who had already started practicing.

"You're going to tell him today right?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I don't have any other choice. I'd rather him be angry now while I'm here than have him angrier when I'm so far away. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, sweetheart, it does."

Edward smiled as he jogged over to where Esme and I were waiting at the edge of the complex.

"Ready for the beach?" Edward asked with a smile.

"Yep."

I carried our blanket and towels while Edward carried Esme's chair and the coolers we'd brought.

Edward and I wandered up the beach a bit from Esme; spreading out our blanket and settling down on the beach.

"You brought sunscreen right?" Edward asked sheepishly.

"Yeah. If I didn't you'd fry," I giggled.

"You're not much better there, Casper."

"Har, har. Shirt off – let me get your back for you."

When we were sufficiently coated in sunscreen, Edward and I walked out toward the water. It was cool but it felt good. The sun was out and it had actually gotten pretty warm. We splashed each other and chased one another up and down the beach. We saw a couple people we knew from school and joined them in playing Frisbee.

As the afternoon wore on, I knew time was running out.

"Wanna walk up to the tide pools?" I asked as I looked up from my book I wasn't paying any attention to.

Edward was lying on his stomach; his head on a folded up towel. He had taken his sunglasses off and his eyes were closed.

"Mmm … sure." He hummed.

With our pinky fingers linked between us, we walked toward the tide pools. The tiny oceans would give me something to focus on while I said the last words that Edward wanted to hear.

"Bella … what's wrong? You've been lost in your own head a lot today. What's going on?"

There was no easy way to say it.

"I'm going back to Las Vegas next week."

"Next week? I thought you weren't going home until the second week in August?"

I couldn't bear to look at him. The sadness in his voice was enough to tell me what his facial expression would be.

"I changed my mind. I'm so sorry, Edward. I really do think it's better this way."

"For who? Me or Charlie? Because he's going to miss out on spending time with you too."

"Dad understands, Edward. He's okay with it. If he wasn't, I wouldn't be leaving."

"So I have two more days with you this summer and that's it?"

"I'll be back for Christmas."

"It's not the same, Bella."

"Edward … please try to understand. This is so hard for me."

Tears bubbled up in my eyes and I fought with everything I had to keep them at bay. I didn't want Edward to see me crying – it would only make me feel worse than I already did. I needed to stay strong for the both of us.

"I know it is, Bella. I'm trying to understand … I am. I just don't get it."

I nodded.

"Will you be okay?"

"I'll have to be. I don't exactly get a choice here, Bella."

I knew what his choice would be. I hated that I couldn't give him what he wanted.

"This isn't exactly easy on me either you know."

"I know, Bella. It's not easy on anyone."

"Are you mad?"

"Yes and no. I want you to stay. I want you to be here when I get home from camp. I want time with you, Bella. But if all I have left with you is two days, I'll be mad after you leave because I'm not going to waste one second."

I sighed.

"Come on, Boo. My mom's probably wondering where we are by now."

My dad had some business to attend to in Portland for a couple days, and Esme said I could stay with them until Sunday. Dad hoped to be back by the time Esme and Carlisle had to leave to take Edward to baseball camp.

Esme told Edward and I about it on our way back to Forks. We'd stop by my house so I could pack a few things to take to the Cullen's and we'd stop by the Mill to see my Dad before he left town.

When we got back to Edward's house, Rocket, his thirteen year old Lab, was waiting for us on the steps. We threw a ball back and forth for a few minutes with Rocket running back and forth between us until Carlisle pulled up in the driveway.

"Hey kids," Carlisle smiled as he greeted us.

"Hey, Dad."

I waved weakly and turned my attention back to Rocket.

Eventually, Esme called us in to get cleaned up before dinner. Edward carried my things up to the guest bedroom for me. He put my bag on the bed and walked out of the room without another word. I showered and dressed quickly, wanting to help Esme in the kitchen somehow. When I came downstairs, she was glad to have the help but the sad look in her eyes wasn't lost on me.

_This affects everyone, Bella_ – floated through my brain on repeat.

Dinner was quiet. Carlisle smiled and asked a few questions but quickly caught on to our moods. Edward and I tried to help clear the table and clean up but Esme wouldn't hear of it. She shooed us out of the kitchen telling us to go watch a movie or something.

"Want to play Mario Kart?" Edward offered.

"Sure."

"We don't have to if you don't want to. We can do something else."

"Edward … I'm happy to hang out and soak up as much time with you as I can. It doesn't matter to me what we do."

Edward sighed and shook his head.

For the next two days, we spent every moment together. After we got over the initial weirdness of what to do and we realized that we both wanted to spend time together – things were much lighter and easier between us.

We played in the pool, relaxed in the hammock and we even played catch in the yard. Saturday night, we took sleeping bags, pillows and snacks out to Edward's tree house. As I settled in, it brought back memories of the first time I left. I hadn't even said goodbye to Edward yet and the pain that gripped my chest was so sharp, I yelped and collapsed into sobs.

"Bella …" Edward whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I hate this feeling – my chest feels tight and it hurts. I didn't expect to feel like this. I haven't been up here since I left the first time," I sobbed.

Edward gasped and held me closer to him.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't even think about that. Please don't cry. We'll go back up to the house."

"No," I sniffled. "It's okay. This tree house just brings back so many memories."

We stayed in the tree house all night. We laughed and I cried a few more times – each time Edward would do something silly to get me to laugh or smile again.

The next morning, we carried all our stuff inside. Esme smiled sadly as we passed the kitchen.

Breakfast was eaten in solemn silence.

"Thank you for breakfast, Esme." I said softly.

"You're very welcome, sweetheart."

I helped Esme clean up after our meal while Edward and Carlisle packed Edward's stuff into the car. The baseball camp was being held in Hoquiam, so Carlisle would take Edward and drop him off. Esme was going to stay with me until my dad came to pick me up.

"Son, we need to get going."

"Can't we wait until Charlie gets back?" Edward asked.

"Honey, you're only prolonging the inevitable." Esme said softly.

She hugged Edward tightly and promised to see him the following weekend for his scrimmage game.

"I love you, sweetheart. Have a good time at camp."

Edward nodded and turned toward me. He linked my pinky with his and led me out toward the car. He leaned back against the car and pulled me to stand between his legs.

"Promise me, Bella. Promise me that you'll still write me every day and that you'll call me as often as you can."

I nodded.

"Promise me that you'll come back again." He said, his voice breaking.

I watched as my best friend fell apart in front of me. Tears streamed down his handsome face and sobs wracked his body.

I threw my arms around his neck and held him to me as tightly as I could.

"I promise," I sobbed.

"Love you, Bella. I need you to come back to me. Promise me … promise me you'll never let go." Edward whispered.

"I won't, Edward. Our friendship means too much to me to let go. I'll come back, I promise. Love you too," I whispered back.

He pulled away and pressed his lips gently to my forehead.

"Have fun at camp. Call me when you get home, okay?"

"I will," he nodded.

I stood in the driveway until I could no longer see the tail lights of Carlisle's car.

"Bella, honey, come inside." Esme pleaded softly. "It's going to rain any minute."

The gloomy weather mirrored my mood. I felt like Eeyore – so sad.

As I turned to go into the house, I saw my Dad's truck coming down the street. I was ready to get out of there.

"You sure you want to go back to Vegas right away, Bella?" Dad asked as we pulled out of the Cullen's driveway.

"No."

I couldn't begin to lie to my dad. He knew me well enough to know when I wasn't being honest with him or myself.

"We can change your flight, Bella. You can go back as originally planned."

"I know. I've already said goodbye to Edward once – I don't want to do it again."

Dad and I spent the next few days together. He took some time off, and we packed our fishing gear, camping stuff and a cooler full of food and took off for a couple days. We fished by day and played Rummy and Yahtzee by firelight at night. It was two of the most relaxing days I'd ever spent.

We came home the afternoon before I was to fly back to Las Vegas. I'd learned that Carlisle and Esme were taking me to the airport because Dad had a meeting he couldn't reschedule. I threw a load of laundry in the wash before putting away the fish we'd caught.

"Thanks for the trip, Dad."

"You're welcome, baby girl. I sure am gonna miss you."

"Dad …" I said, hugging him. "I'm gonna miss you too."

I stared out the window as the car moved toward Seattle. I had a teary goodbye with my dad and as I watched the landscape slip past, I had the sudden desire for the lush greenery to swallow me whole.

"Bella? Bella, sweetheart, we're here." Esme said softly.

I finally looked at her with tears streaming down my face – tears I hadn't realized had fallen.

"Oh, baby girl." Esme pulled me out of the car and into her arms.

I clung desperately to the woman who'd become a second mother to me.

"Bella … we can still change your flight. No one is forcing you to go." Carlisle smiled sadly.

"I know." I sniffled. "But I need to."

I took a tissue from Esme and pulled my backpack over my shoulder. Saying goodbye to Carlisle and Esme was every bit as hard as saying goodbye to my dad and Edward.

I hoped that sunshine and warm weather would be the cure all for my melancholy – but I knew I wouldn't be that lucky.

The heat in Las Vegas is stifling in the summer. There is rarely a day when the thermometer dips below one hundred degrees. Now I'd have heat suffocating me along with my own grief. My mom was waiting for me when I stepped into baggage claim.

"Bella, baby!"

My mom rushed over to me and caught me up in her arms. I hugged her briefly and looked up to see Phil smiling sheepishly at me.

"Hey, Bella."

"Phil … hi."

"Phil's been off for the summer, so he's been here visiting." Mom explained in a rush.

"Cool."

It would have been nice if she'd mentioned that before. I thought she was here all alone and that only fueled my desire to come back.

"I thought maybe we'd go down to Lake Havasu for a few days. I've got a condo down there and a boat and wave runners. What do you say, Bella?"

"Sure, sounds like fun."

Anything to get my mind off of leaving Edward.

My mom had to work over the weekend, but she'd be off for a few days starting on Monday. That left Phil to hang out with me while Mom was working.

Phil was okay. I could tell that he was going a little stir crazy at times. He asked if I liked to cook. I nodded and he told me he loved to cook so we drove to the store and bought a bunch of stuff and spent the evening cooking. We made everything from homemade pasta to dessert – from scratch.

The more time I spent with Phil the more I liked him.

I talked to my dad one evening – it felt good to hear his voice. I really did miss him. I told him that we were going to the lake for a few days that week and asked him if he'd pass the message on to Edward.

"Sure thing, kiddo. I thought maybe he'd have called you by now though."

"That's okay, if I don't hear from him by the time we get back, I'll call him."

"Sounds good, baby girl. You have a good time with your mom and Phil and I'll talk to ya when you get back. I love you."

"Love you too, Daddy."

Phil drove us down to Lake Havasu in his truck. It was a two hour drive from Las Vegas but his truck was so comfortable that I settled in with a book and the time flew by. His condo was right on the water. We unloaded our stuff and Phil showed us around. I got a guest room all to myself but I was anxious to get out on the water.

Phil gave me a crash course – literally – on the wave runners. It took a few tries but I caught on eventually. We spent the afternoon out on the water – Phil and Mom on the boat and me on the wave runner.

We barbequed for dinner and ate out on the deck. After dinner, I decided to go to my room and relax. I bought a new book one day, while Phil and I were shopping and I was eager to read it – to lose myself in the fantasy. I was enjoying my book until I realized that so many of the main male characters traits reminded me of Edward. Green eyes, crooked smile, handsome and sweet. Exactly like my Edward. The very thought of him and I felt like my chest had been cracked wide open and I was powerless to stop the torrent of tears that fell on my pillow.

"Bella?" Sweetie? Is everything okay?" My mom asked as she came in and sat beside me on the bed.

"No," I sobbed.

"Oh, sweetie. Tell me what's wrong."

I told her as much as I could without oversharing. I wanted to keep as much of the stuff between Edward and me private.

"Bella … you love him – at least you think you do. Honey, you're almost fourteen years old. You have plenty of time to fall in and out of love with lots of boys. Don't set your heart on the first boy that flashes you a pretty smile."

"What if I don't want to fall in and out of love with lots of boys? What if I only want one boy?"

"Sweetie, there are lots of fish in the sea. Say Edward's Tuna – something you're used to and very common everywhere. It will never hurt to spread your wings and try something like Mahi Mahi – it's exotic and better for you. Maybe you'll like it better than tuna in the long run."

"Mom, I get what you're trying to say. You think Edward is small town because he lives in Forks and maybe you think that my feelings for him are stronger because I've known him all my life. Yes, he knows me better than anyone else – maybe even you and Dad but that doesn't make him common; it makes him extraordinary. Just because something is different doesn't mean it's better. Have you ever had a relationship with someone that is anything close to what I have with Edward?"

Mom shook her head.

"Bella, you're only a teenager …"

"Don't discount my feelings because of my age, Mom. That's not fair. I may not be an adult but I know how I feel. Does it scare me? Yes, it does, but that doesn't mean it's wrong – it means that I am considering my feelings."

"Sweetie, I just don't want you to get hurt. How can you be so sure Edward feels the same for you that you feel for him? Bella, we've had this conversation before. Boys want more than friendship."

"Yes, Mom and I'm sure you know all about that, right?"

"Isabella Marie!"

I threw my pillow over my head not wanting to continue the conversation any further. Mom had pushed me to my limit for the evening. I was emotionally drained and completely cried out. I was still aching and there wasn't anything I wanted more than to hear Edward's sweet voice.

I pulled my calling card out of my backpack and picked up the phone next to the bed – dialing the numbers carefully. It rang three times before Esme picked up.

"Hi, Esme. It's Bella. Is Edward around?"

"Hi sweetheart! Gosh, Bella, I'm so sorry. Edward's not here. He's in Chicago visiting his grandparents for the rest of the summer. I was sure he'd call you when he got settled in."

"Oh." My heart fell. "He's staying there for the rest of the summer? When did he leave?"

Esme sighed.

"He left on Sunday morning. We went straight to Seattle after his scrimmage game."

Edward left for Chicago the day after he finished camp. That meant he'd planned it and he didn't tell me and he hadn't called me after he arrived there.

Edward was angrier with me for leaving than I'd originally thought.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**See you next week!**


	8. Chapter 8

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Eight

* * *

"I'm sorry, Bella. My son's hurting right now so the best thing would be to let him call you. Don't give up on him though. If he asked you to write him – keep writing him. He loves to get those letters from you. He lives for Wednesdays when the mailman comes."

"I will," I sniffled. "Are you upset with me, Esme?"

"Oh, Bella, honey. No, I'm not upset with you at all. You're doing what you feel you have to do. I can't fault you for that. What does upset me is that you and Edward are both hurting. No mom ever wants that for her kids."

"I miss you …" I whispered.

"I miss you too, sweetheart. It's late, why don't you try and get some rest. If you need to talk, you know where to call."

"Thanks, Esme."

"You're welcome."

Talking to Esme quelled the ache in my heart a little bit. If I couldn't talk to Edward, Esme was definitely the next best thing. I have to admit, I was a little pissed that Edward didn't tell me how angry he truly was that I was leaving. I hated the thought that I hurt him so deepl,y and I was powerless to do anything about it being so far away with no way to contact him.

Esme had told me that Edward asked her not to give me his grandparent's phone number or address. She also told me that she couldn't tell me anything about why Edward made the decision to go to Chicago for the rest of the summer. I knew he was supposed to be playing summer ball in preparation for the spring season the following year. Why he'd up and leave like that, I had no idea.

I laid in bed for a long time that night thinking about Edward. At one point I pulled out my notebook and wrote him a letter. I hadn't written a single letter since I'd been home, and I had quite a few to make up for. Unfortunately, my emotions were all over the map as I was writing. I'd be sad one minute and angry the next - sad because I missed him, and angry because he didn't leave me a way to talk to him while he was in Chicago.

I still hadn't heard anything from Edward when we returned to Las Vegas and there were no letters waiting for me.

Weeks passed by and Mom was still on the "let's move to Phoenix" bandwagon. I wasn't surprised, but as time passed, she wore me down. I still hadn't heard from Edward – no phone calls or letters. I spoke with Esme a few times a week but I never mentioned him and neither did she.

As much as it hurt, I knew I needed a change. Maybe Phoenix was just what I needed. I know that I promised Edward I would be on the first plane back to Seattle if Mom decided she wanted to move, but since I hadn't heard from him I couldn't bear the thought of returning to Forks just to have Edward ignore me.

Mom had given our thirty days' notice at the beginning of August. We went to Phoenix for a few days to secure our apartment there and to get me enrolled in school. I'd start high school the Tuesday after Labor Day and a little over a week before my fourteenth birthday.

Phil hired movers to move us, but Mom and I still had to pack up our things and get them ready to go. I was a little sad to say goodbye to Las Vegas, it held a few good memories for me: Edward surprising me at my concert and playing for me; my dad taking us to Circus-Circus.

Part of my change was to get involved in other activities. When I enrolled in my classes, I chose to take Choir again, and I inquired about trying out for the volleyball team. Tryouts would be the week before school started and practices would begin as soon as players were chosen. Ballet was another thing I asked my mom if I could sign up for. There was a nice little dance studio not far from our apartment and it was within walking distance of the school.

"Bella … if you really want to do it, go for it. But I don't want you to get overwhelmed."

My dad wasn't happy about the change in address, but when I told him that I wanted to try out for sports and dance along with being in the choir he gave in. He even offered to pay for my dance classes.

"Bella Marie, it's ridiculous for you to pay for your dance classes with your allowance. Save your money for something you really want. I'll take care of your dance classes and whatever else you need."

"Thanks, Daddy. You're the best."

"I try, kiddo. I really miss you around here ya know? I miss Edward too. I haven't seen him since you left."

"You haven't?" I gasped.

"Nope. All I know is that he went to Chicago immediately after baseball camp and he's not due home until the day before school starts."

That was new information to me.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I haven't heard from Edward either. No phone calls, no letters, nothing. He's really mad at me."

"Keep your chin up, baby girl. He won't be mad at you forever."

Once we'd gotten all our things into our new apartment in Phoenix, Phil started working with me every day – helping me get ready for volleyball tryouts. He'd take Mom and me down to the Y and they'd both work with me. I'd played in middle school and we even played a few times over the summer but I'd never tried out for a team before and I hoped with all my heart that I'd make the team. If not, I wasn't sure what I'd do with my time.

Fortunately, I did make the team. The coach called to make sure that I'd be at practice the following day. Once I'd gotten my volleyball schedule, I could sign up for my dance classes. When school began, I'd have volleyball practice three days a week. Our games were held twice a week and I'd have dance two days a week. Thankfully, my schedule didn't overlap.

With a promise to both my parents that I'd maintain good grades in addition to my extra-curricular activities, I started my freshman year of high school.

The night before school began, I laid on my bed penning a letter to Edward. My heart was still aching from his absence and it seemed so strange not to talk to him the night before the first day of school. He had always been there for me to calm my nerves. I hoped that by writing him I'd feel a little better.

I'd kept my promise. I wrote him every day. Maybe the letters weren't more than a paragraph or two, but at least I'd made the effort. I mailed them faithfully every Monday but had yet to receive any in return.

_Dear Edward,_

_It seems so strange not to talk to you the night before the first day of school. It's been our MO ever since I can remember. My dad said that you were supposed to get home from Chicago today. I hope that you had a good visit with your grandparents._

_To be honest, I'm hurt that I haven't heard from you since I left. Believe me, it's not because I haven't tried. I've talked to your mom a few times each week but we never mention you – talking about you makes us miss you even more than we already do._

_I guess by now you know that Mom and I have moved to Phoenix. I know I said that if it happened I'd be on the first plane home but since I haven't heard from you ,I guess you're angry with me and I didn't see the point of coming back to Forks if you're just going to ignore me._

_I know I hurt you in leaving, Edward, and I'm so very sorry for that. I hope that one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me and that you'll talk to me again. I miss you. I miss you more than I can express on a piece of paper and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I hope that you think of me. If the only promise I can keep is never letting go – this is me holding on._

_Have a good first day of high school._

_Yours,_

_Bella_

**EPOV**

I was devastated when my mom told me that Bella and her mom were moving to Phoenix. Like it wasn't enough of a blow that Bella left Forks an entire month early.

"Is Bella coming back to Forks?" I asked hopefully.

"She didn't mention it when I talked to her, sweetheart."

My heart felt like it had sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

I came to Chicago because I couldn't bear to be in Forks. Bella should have been there with me. She was supposed to be there when I came home from baseball camp.

"She misses you so much, sweetheart," my mom told me sadly.

I missed Bella too. So fucking much.

I came home from Chicago the day before school started. I didn't want to have time to think about Bella more than I already did. When I stepped into my bedroom I found six weeks' worth of letters waiting for me. She kept her promise. One of them, anyway.

It hurt like hell not to pick up the phone and call her the night before school started. I thought of calling and asking Charlie for her number in Phoenix, but that meant that I'd have to explain to him why I didn't come back after baseball camp and why I hadn't been in touch with Bella, and I wasn't ready for that. My mom, however, thought she'd make it easy on me.

"Edward …" She said softly as she stood in the doorway to my room. "Here's Bella's phone number in Phoenix. I'm sure she'd love to hear from you. She starts school tomorrow too, you know."

"Thanks, Mom."

No matter how much I wanted to pick up the phone, I couldn't do it. I picked the letters up from my bed and shoved them into the box under my bed with all the others – unable to bring myself to read any of them. I unpacked my suitcases and backpack – pulling a soft brown bear from the top of my stash. I threw him onto my bed with all the other stuff. After I'd put everything else away, I looked over at him and in a moment of anger, I shoved him under my bed too.

Later that night, as I laid in bed, I felt the ache in my chest begin to throb. Exhausted and frustrated, I reached under my bed and pulled the damn bear out and crushed him to my chest. It was the only tangible piece of Bella that I had left, and I wasn't kidding that I'd take whatever part of her she'd give me.

School the next day was like any other first day of school. Emmett picked me and Jazz up knowing that we'd stay after school to throw the ball around for a bit. Emmett would join Jazz and me after football practice.

"Edward, honey, don't forget that you have piano lessons on Wednesday in Port Angeles. Your new teacher is anxious to meet you."

Shit. I'd forgotten all about piano lessons. Not long after I'd gotten to Chicago I made the decision to find a new teacher. My previous teacher had retired about a year ago and I hadn't bothered trying to find anyone new. Mom was excited that I was anxious to pick lessons up again but she didn't know that it was just because I wanted something to keep my mind busy and off of Bella.

"Hey, Edward … you wouldn't happen to be looking for a part-time job would you?" My good buddy, Mike Newton asked.

"Umm, I don't know why?"

"My parents are looking for someone else to work in the store part time. Just a couple days a week and on the weekends."

"I might be interested if they're willing to be flexible with the schedule."

The next day afterschool, I found myself walking downtown to Newton's Sporting Goods. I'd talked to my parents about it the night before and they were both supportive of me finding something productive to do as long as it didn't interfere with my grades.

Mrs. Newton was very nice and quite excited that I'd come in to inquire about the job. I'd known Mike since we were in kindergarten and we played baseball together. I wasn't as close to him as I was to Jasper but close enough that I'd been over to his house over the years and had spent some time with his folks.

"How are you, Edward?" Mrs. Newton asked.

"I'm okay." I replied. "Mike told me you were looking for someone to help out part-time?"

"Oh, yes, we are. Are you interested?"

I nodded and we chatted for a few minutes about what they were looking for. Someone to help out on the weekends and a couple days a week just like Mike said. I told her that I'd be available every day except Wednesday because of my piano lessons in Port Angeles. I could work in the evenings after baseball practice from five o'clock to closing and whenever they needed me on the weekends.

"Sounds like you've got a job, Edward." Mrs. Newton smiled.

"Thanks." I smiled in return.

"Hey, Edward … how's Bella? I haven't seen Charlie in a while to ask him about her. I know you two are pretty close so I thought I'd ask you."

"Oh, umm … she's okay I guess. I haven't really talked to her since she was here in July."

"Oh." She frowned. "That's too bad."

Yeah, too bad.

After that, I spent the next couple of weeks immersed in school, playing baseball, working and playing the piano. I liked my new piano instructor immensely – she challenged me and I hoped that I'd find my passion for it again. When Bella left, I couldn't bring myself to play any of the pieces I loved so dearly because all of them were tied to Bella in some way.

_Bella._

I'd been writing to her every day but I couldn't find it in me to actually mail her letters. I knew I was hurting her by not sending them, but deep down I wanted her to hurt as much as I was. Her letters came every Wednesday just like they always had. I'd find them on my bed when I got home from piano lessons and just like I had when I came home from Chicago – I stuffed them into the box under my bed.

Before I knew it, two months had slipped by and we were well into November. My mom had picked me up from school one afternoon and we stopped into the Thriftway where we saw Charlie. I still hadn't spoken to him and it was a little awkward.

"Hey, Edward. How are you, Son?"

"I'm doing okay, Charlie. How are you?"

"I'm as good as I can be, I guess. Have you heard from Bella lately?"

"Umm, no. I haven't talked to Bella."

"At all?" Charlie asked incredulously.

I shook my head.

"Edward …"

Charlie's usually strong voice was no more than a whisper when he spoke.

"Bella needs you. She's got so much going on in her life and she wants to share it with you. Don't give up on her. "

That wasn't the first time I'd hear those words out of Charlie's mouth. It was definitely something for me to think about.

"Is Bella coming back for the holidays?"

"No. She doesn't really have time. I'll be going down there for Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. If you want to know why, you're going to have to make the effort and talk to her about that Edward. Have you even bothered to read any of the letters she sent?"

I shook my head again.

God, I felt like such a shit. There was so much I was missing out on because of my stubborn pride. I was missing out on important things in my best friend's life all because I couldn't get past my own heartache.

**BPOV**

I was so glad that Charlie was coming for the holidays. I wasn't able to go to Forks because of my schedule. The volleyball team had made the regional championship so I had practice the day before Thanksgiving and a game the day after. Charlie didn't want to miss the game. He wasn't looking forward to meeting Phil but after all the help Phil had given me, I couldn't ask him not to come so Dad would have to deal with it.

A week before Thanksgiving, I had fallen asleep – exhausted from my long days no doubt. Mom tended not to bother me if I was studying and I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Having my own phone line was one of the perks to living in Phoenix – Dad paid for it and Mom didn't ask questions.

I picked up the receiver and glanced at the clock on my bedside table. Two a.m.

"Hello?"

"Bella …" I heard in a whisper.

He said my name quietly but I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Edward?"

"Yeah …"

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I … I can't do this anymore."

My heart fell at the sadness sin his voice.

"Do what, Edward?" I asked softly.

"Ignore you."

"Oh, Edward …" I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

I never wanted to hug him more than I did in that moment. Edward sounded so sad and broken – a huge difference from the strong and happy Edward I was used to.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I just wanted some space so I could absorb everything. I never intended to let it go this long."

"I know," I said softly. "That's why I never stopped writing. I knew you were angry but I wanted to keep my promise to you."

I wanted to tell him I felt bad for breaking my promise about coming back to Forks, but I couldn't bring myself to regret that decision. I was happy and content with school, dance and volleyball.

"I … I just finished reading them; your letters. I feel like I've missed out on so much, Bella."

"You kinda have, Edward. You are the only thing missing from my life. I wanted to call you so many times but I didn't want to push you. I'm glad you called."

"You are?"

"I am. Granted, I wish you hadn't called at two in the morning, but I'll take what I can get and I did tell you that you could call anytime."

"I'm sorry I woke you, Bella."

"No, don't be … don't worry about it. I've missed you – more than you can imagine. It's so good to hear your voice."

We talked for a few more minutes and I began to yawn.

"Jesus, Boo. You're exhausted."

"Mmm …" I hummed.

"I'll put your letters in the mail tomorrow, I promise."

He hadn't stopped writing me after all – he'd just been holding out on mailing them.

"'Kay."

"Will you call me after you read them?" He asked softly.

"Of course I will, Edward. Just know that it won't be the day after I get them. Between volleyball, dance, choir and book club, I'm a little busy."

"I know and that's okay. Take your time."

"I miss you," I said again.

"I miss you too, Boo. Talk to you soon."

I barely remembered hearing the click on the other end of the line. After that, I dreamt of warm arms, a velvety voice, and a childhood tree house.

The day before Thanksgiving, volleyball practice ran really late. So late in fact, my mom and dad came into the gym to get me.

"Dad!" I yelled out as I jogged over to meet him.

"Hey, kiddo!" He smiled as he pulled me into a hug.

"Swan!" Coach yelled. "We're not done here."

My dad walked with me back to where my teammates and Coaches were sitting on the gym floor.

"Coach … this is my Dad, Charlie."

Coach stopped up from the floor and took my dad's offered hand.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Swan. Bella here is a very talented volleyball player."

"Thanks."

Mom and Dad stood off to the side as the team finished up our talk.

"See you ladies on Friday!"

We went to Phil's for Thanksgiving, and as much as I wanted to help Phil in the kitchen – I knew I needed to spend time with my dad.

Phil's sister, Sam, came. She was moving to Phoenix from somewhere in Florida to be closer to Phil – the only family she had. Surprisingly, Dad and Phil got along really well. Mom and Dad may have had their differences and disagreements but they didn't seem to belittle each other to other people or partners. Granted, I told Phil all the time about stuff I did with my dad, and I talked to my dad about stuff that I did with Phil.

While Mom, Phil and Sam congregated in the kitchen, my dad and I went out to sit on the deck. It was a beautiful and warm sunny day.

"You excited about the game tomorrow, Bells?"

"Yes and no. I mean, I'm nervous, but I want us to play well – as a team to play well. Even if we lose – as long as we play well – the win won't matter."

Dad grinned.

"How'd you get to be so smart?"

"I'm kind of like my Dad like that."

"How's dance – ballet or whatever it is that you're taking?"

I giggled.

"Ballet, Dad. It's good. I really like it. I'm excited for our holiday recital. You're coming, right?"

He nodded.

"I am. Mom emailed me the date. I'm flying in on the red-eye the night before and I'm leaving the day after Christmas."

"Cool. That will give us a few days to hang out."

"Yeah …. Have you heard from Edward?"

I told Dad about my phone call in the middle of the night and the large envelope full of letters I received a few days later.

"Have you called him back yet?"

"No, I haven't finished reading them all yet. There are too many to read all in one sitting and honestly … some of them make me cry and I have to stop reading for a while."

"Did you tell him that?"

"I did. I still write him every day and mail the letters once a week. I promised that I'd call as soon as I finished reading them all."

"Good. Now that he's done ignoring you, maybe he'll quit ignoring me."

Dinner was simple but delicious. What should have been an uncomfortable meal was actually very pleasant and it made me feel a lot better about Christmas.

Friday morning, my mom and I got up at an ungodly hour and went shopping. There was something she wanted to get for Phil and if she wasn't there at three a.m. to be in line for when the doors opened at five, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to get it.

We met Phil and Dad for breakfast, and afterward Mom left with Phil to finish her shopping while Dad and I returned to our apartment so I could take a nap before I had to get ready for my game.

Thankfully, Dad didn't mind hanging out while I was napping. He was content to sit and watch football. Mom was the one who woke me up to get ready for the game though. I showered even though I'd have to take another one as soon as we got home. The parking lot at the gym was starting to fill in as we pulled up. I made my way to the door to the locker rooms after waving goodbye to my parents and Phil.

We were to play three sets and the winner would be the best of the three. Each set was played to twenty-five points. As I walked into the locker room, the atmosphere was calm and I knew that each of my teammates focus was on the game. There was no talk of the previous day or shopping that had occurred in the wee hours of the morning. Everyone was game on.

Coach gave us another short rundown of our strategy and a brief pep talk before ushering us out into the gym. After being introduced and standing for the National Anthem, we took our places.

The opposing team had come from Tucson and they had a nearly flawless season. We'd only had two losses ourselves and we were eager to see if they had brought their game.

"Come on, Bella. You've got this." One of my teammates urged as I took my place to serve the ball.

I wasn't expecting an ace and the other team didn't disappoint. The ball volleyed back and forth several times before one of my teammates went in for a spike and we got the point. Everything we gave they sent back to us and vice versa. The first set seemed like it took forever but it was a good set and we won 25-23.

The second set, we didn't fare as well. The opposing team's ire for losing the first set had ignited something within them or maybe it was the fact that we were riding a high from winning and lost our focus. Coach called a time out when we were down by eight points.

"Ladies … you've got to regain your focus. You won the first set and they were rattled now you've all got your head in the clouds and they're focused. Come back to the game and play like I know you can."

We lost the second set 25-21.

The teams both took a brief intermission between the second and third sets. We needed a minute to regroup and refocus. I couldn't bring myself to look up into the stands to try and find my parents. I didn't want to think about them. I wanted to think about the game and playing well. With the exception of the second set, my team had played really well so far.

We huddled and had a brief pep talk again before returning to the court. We were ready. The other team served and I stood – playing opposite right by the net. The ball came toward me and I set it so our blocker could spike for the point. We quickly high-fived each other and turned our attention back to the game. Much like the first game, we volleyed back and forth until there was a kill. The score was 20-19 in our favor when it was my turn to serve.

"Come on, Swan. You can do it!" I heard my coach yell.

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to block out all the sounds in the gym until I heard a familiar voice.

"Relax, Boo! Focus!"

I wasn't sure if the voice was in the stands or only in my head. I couldn't chance turning my head to look so I took a deep breath and raised my hand to serve the ball. I watched the white sphere as if it were in slow motion – sailing cleanly over the net and into the other team's territory. I watched as it glided right through their middle blockers fingers and bounced on the floor. Before I could process what was happening, my teammates were shouting and surrounding me – congratulating me on the game winning serve.

My coaches picked me up and carried me on their shoulders as my teammates jumped up and down around us in excitement. I blushed seven shades of red – hating all the attention I was getting. When they finally set me on my feet, the Superintendent of Schools presented us with a trophy and congratulated us on a well-played game. Coach made a short speech and handed the mic over to the assistant coach who presented me with a trophy for being the most valuable player of the game.

"You're also in the running for MVP of the year, but you'll have to wait for the sports banquet in the spring to see if you win." Coach grinned.

Thankfully, Coach knew that I wasn't one for public speaking and didn't ask me to say anything. Instead I was able to retreat to the locker room and get my bag. Everyone was going out for pizza and we weren't bothering to change into our street clothes.

As I walked out of the locker room, Coach pulled me aside to ask me about something when I caught a flash of bronze out of the corner of my eye. I looked over to see Edward standing with my parents at the bottom of the bleachers. Carlisle and Esme were standing next to them chatting away.

I couldn't believe it. He was actually here.

"Umm … Coach? Can we talk about it later? I have someone here I need to go see."

Coach chuckled.

"Sure, Bella. Enjoy the victory party and we'll talk on Monday."

I jogged over to where my family was standing.

"Edward?"

"Hey Boo!" He beamed. "That was a great game!"

"Thanks! How … when did you get here?"

Carlisle and my dad chuckled.

"We got in this afternoon. We would have come over earlier, but I really wanted to surprise you."

I smiled widely.

"You're the best surprise ever."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**For those of you who are following my other story, When You Least Expect It – I have two outtakes that will be ready for posting this weekend. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that the first of September was sneaking up so fast (I'm going to blame it on the brain blur because I'm in denial that I'll be another year older this weekend). Anyway – I am still working on two outtakes that I want to post before I post the Mike and Kaden outtakes – so please hang in and be patient for a little while longer? Pretty please? I promise to post them as soon as they're ready!**

**I hope those of you in the States have a fantastic Labor Day Weekend!**


	9. Chapter 9

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 as well as my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – they make my writing better.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Nine

* * *

"_You're the best surprise ever."_

Edward opened his arms and I went to him willingly, hugging him tight.

"God, I missed you, Boo."

"I missed you too. _So_ much."

I could hear the chuckles of our parents around us, but I didn't care – I missed Edward way too much.

"Swan! You gonna join us for pizza?" One of my teammates yelled.

I slipped out of Edward's embrace to face her.

"Yeah … I always do."

I turned to Carlisle, Esme and Edward.

"You guys will come too, right?" You're not leaving right away are you?" I asked in a panic.

"No, sweetheart," Carlisle chuckled. "We're here until Sunday evening so you'll have to put up with us until then."

"So you guys will come with us for pizza?"

"Of course, we will!" Esme smiled.

After throwing my bag in Mom's car, I rode with the Cullen's in their rental car to the pizza place. Edward opened the door for me and we walked in together, our pinky fingers twined together.

We had some things to talk about, but the bottom line was that he was my best friend, no matter what. We agreed on the ride to the restaurant that we'd talk later.

My coaches were pulling tables together with the help of other teammates. Edward released my pinky to help out.

"Who's the hottie?" My friend and teammate, Stacie, asked.

"That's Edward," I replied with a smile.

"_Your_ Edward?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Girl, you're crazy. With a boyfriend that hot, you should be wherever he is. I'm shocked someone hasn't stolen him away."

Although I'm sure they weren't meant to be, her words were biting and nothing less than the truth.

"He's not my boyfriend," I said quietly.

"Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that, Bella. You are head over heels for him … and by the way he's looking at you right now he feels the same way. Why fight it?"

I sighed and looked up to see Edward walking toward me. He pulled out a couple of chairs and motioned for me to sit next to him. Edward's pinky found mine once again and he rested our hands on the table.

"You okay, Boo?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I smiled. "So when did you guys decide to come to Phoenix?"

"After I talked to Charlie. He encouraged me to read your letters – to see what was going on in your life. Then I read them and realized that I was missing out on so much. That's when I called you. A few days after we talked, I saw Charlie at work – he came in to tell me about the game. I went home that night and asked Mom and Dad if we could come down to see you play. I just … I needed to be here."

"Thank you. I'm glad you came." I said softly.

"We would have come yesterday, but Charlie told Mom you were going to Phil's, so we thought it would be better to come today. We didn't want to intrude on your holiday."

"You wouldn't have intruded – you're practically family, Edward. It would have altered our plans a bit, but it only would have made them better."

The rest of my team arrived and the pizzas were brought to our table. I introduced Edward and he fit in with the rest of the group as only he could. We laughed and chatted until the owners finally asked us to leave so they could close up for the night.

Now that I had Edward, Esme and Carlisle close to me, I didn't want to let them go.

"Honey, I'm going to stay with Phil while the Cullens are here – that way Carlisle and Esme can have my room. Your dad can sleep in your room, and you and Edward can have the living room."

"Really?"

"Yes, honey. I know how much you miss them, and they came all this way to see you. Enjoy spending some time with them."

"Thanks, Mom."

When we got back to the apartment, Carlisle, Esme, and Dad all said goodnight. They were tired after such a long day.

Edward and I took turns in the bathroom and then laid out thick blankets on the floor to sleep on. We lay down next to each other and talked for hours. I apologized for not having finished reading all his letters and he shushed me saying it was okay.

"Bella … what we have is special. We argue, disagree and walk away from each other but when we come back to each other – we're better. Stronger and even more connected to each other than when we left. I love that about us because I know – no matter what that we'll be okay."

I snuggled up next to him, and he wrapped his arm around me.

We were okay, and we both had faith that we always would be.

The next day we spent sightseeing in Phoenix. I hadn't had a chance to see a lot since things happened so quickly after we moved. With school, dance, and my other activities I didn't have the opportunity. I'd spend my weekends doing homework and hanging out with my friends or Mom. Esme had us up early. Far earlier than Edward and I would have preferred after staying up for hours talking.

Mom and Phil came by and we caravanned to the Desert Botanical Gardens where we spent most of the morning walking around. Esme was mesmerized by the various plants and flowers. I stayed close to her, enjoying her presence and her views of the world around her. We walked arm in arm and chatted as we walked. Even though we had talked on the phone a few days a week, we missed each other.

"I'm so glad you guys came." I said quietly.

"Me too, although, I don't think Edward gave us much of a choice. When he found out that your team made the regional championship – we had to come down and see you play. Of course, Charlie also told him that you wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving or Christmas because of your commitments. He's missed you so much, Bella. He needed to come – he needed to see for himself that you're doing okay here."

"I miss him too, and I am doing okay here. More than okay." I smiled. "Mom actually has a normal job. She works nine to five, five days a week. She's home in the evenings for the most part unless she and Phil go out. We have dinner with him occasionally – sometimes at his place and sometimes we go out. We both hate Mom's cooking so he rarely comes to our place unless I cook. Phil's nice. He's good to me and Mom."

"I'm glad you're happy, sweetheart. That's all I can ask for."

I know she probably wanted to say she wished Edward was happy too, but until I returned to Forks, I had a feeling that wasn't entirely possible.

Later that afternoon, Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and I went to Camelback Mountain and went hiking on one of the lower trails. Mom and Dad were actually going to spend some time together – I would assume to talk about me. Phil was making dinner for everyone and expected us back by early evening.

Edward and I walked the trail side by side staying several feet behind Carlisle and Esme. It was so easy being with Edward and his parents. They accepted me and loved me like I was their own. I found myself thinking back to the words that my teammate had said the day before – that she was surprised that someone else hadn't stolen Edward's heart. I couldn't imagine Edward with someone else. The mere thought of it broke my heart.

"Bella? Everything okay?" Edward asked softly.

"I … I was just thinking."

"About?"

"You … and something one of my teammates said to me last night."

"Which was?"

"That she was shocked someone hasn't stolen you away. I told her that you weren't my boyfriend."

Edward's eyes were wide as he bit his bottom lip and thought about what I had just told him.

"Bella … I … that's impossible. No one could ever steal me away from you. I may not be your boyfriend, but I promise that will never happen."

My heart warmed a little at the serious look in his emerald eyes and the conviction in his voice. He was telling me without words that he was my Edward and always would be.

"Bella … can I ask you something?"

"Of course." I replied.

"Honestly?"

"Always."

"Do you think you'll ever move back to Forks?"

I looked over at his sweet face and his eyes were full of fear. He was truly afraid of my answer. I could feel my pulse race as the consequences of my answer weighed heavily on my heart. If I said the wrong thing it would break his heart and that was the last thing I wanted to do. If I said yes, but couldn't give him a time frame it would eat at him, and if I said no – he would think that he wasn't a good enough reason for me to come back. I couldn't let him believe that. He was every reason I should have gone back but I was too scared.

"I … I honestly don't know what to tell you, Edward. I don't want to hurt or disappoint you." I chuckled. "It seems like it always comes back to the fact that I'm still scared."

"I don't want you to be scared, Boo."

"I don't want you to feel like you're not good enough."

My voice broke and I couldn't stop the tears that welled up in my eyes.

"How did you know?" Edward whispered as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me to his chest.

"Because, I know you. I know you better than anyone, Edward. It would be just like you to feel that way when it's the farthest thing from the truth. It's me who isn't good enough for you. If I was, I wouldn't be hurting you all the time."

"Bella, no …"

"Stop, Edward. Please stop. Don't tell me that I'm not hurting you because I know I am. You made me a promise and I've broken the one promise I made you that you cared about the most and I can't do it again. I will come back to Forks, Edward. I will. I just have no idea when. I feel like I'm hurting you again because I can't even give you a timeline."

I sniffled into his chest and he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"It's okay, Bella. I see the life that you have here and you seem really happy. You haven't been happy like this in a long time. I want this for you as long as you're happy."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm not selfish enough to make you unhappy."

"I know," I whispered.

"We're going to Chicago for Christmas." Edward offered in an attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. That's another reason why I wanted to be here so badly this weekend. I wanted to see you and I knew that even if you weren't busy and were still planning on going to Forks to have Christmas with Charlie, I wouldn't be there."

"I'll still miss you," I murmured.

"I'll still miss you too, Bella."

We rejoined Carlisle and Esme and walked back to the car. The ride to Phil's was quiet. Both Edward and I spent the time staring out the window – both probably thinking about the conversation we'd had on the trail of the mountain.

Dinner wasn't quite ready when we arrived. Phil said we had another forty five minutes or so which was okay because Mom and Dad still hadn't arrived yet. Phil and Carlisle fell into easy conversation while Esme set the table and chopped vegetables for a salad.

I asked Edward if he wanted to go for a walk to a nearby park. He nodded in response, and I took some bread from the pantry and told Esme and Phil where we were headed.

The park was about a block away from Phil's house. It was a large park with a man-made lake, grassy picnic areas and a playground area with swings. I led Edward over to the lake.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

"Feeding the ducks." I smiled.

I took the bread out of the bag and began to crumble it up and toss it into the water. Edward seemed to watch in awe as the ducks gathered around me – all eager to get something to eat.

"Give me some bread."

I handed him some bread and he followed my lead.

"I come here whenever I get a chance. I love to feed the ducks." I offered.

"I'm sure they appreciate it."

"They're fun to watch. It takes my mind off things – if only for a little while."

When we ran out of bread, we went over to the playground area and sat on the swings. It reminded me so much of when we were younger - we'd swing together for what seemed like hours. Before I knew it, Edward was behind me and I was squealing.

"What are you doing?"

"Pushing you!"

Edward's warm laughter filled the air and it was the best thing that I'd heard all day. If I could have found a way to bottle it up and save it for later, I certainly would have.

I was miserable the next afternoon when I had to tell the Cullens and my dad goodbye. I knew I'd see my dad in a few weeks, but I didn't know when I'd see Edward or his parents again. I wanted to tell them I'd see them over spring break but I couldn't even guarantee that. The spring schedule for the choir was pretty busy. I had Honor Choir in January and then Spring Sing Fest right around spring break. I'd have another ballet recital in there somewhere, but it was too early to tell.

After they left for the airport, I immediately went back to my room and finished reading all of Edward's precious letters. They were much like mine – some were angry while others were sweet and heartfelt. He poured his heart and soul into each and every one of them.

"Finish reading Edward's letters?" My mom asked from my bedroom doorway.

"Yeah." I sniffled.

"Good stuff, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Sweetie … as you know, I talked to your Dad last night."

I nodded.

"He really wants you to move back to Forks, you know that right?"

"Yeah. Edward does too."

"I can only imagine, honey. That boy really does love you."

"I told you that, Mom."

"I know and I didn't want to believe it. I wanted more for you. I still want more for you. That won't ever change."

"I know, Mom. Where are you going with this?"

"Nowhere, I just wanted to let you know what we talked about."

Mom really didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but it was nice to know that Dad had reinforced the fact that he wanted me in Forks to her.

The weeks after Thanksgiving and the Cullen's visit were busy and stressful. I had Choir practice as well as extra ballet rehearsals. We played one more volleyball game the week after Thanksgiving but we were knocked out of our bracket. We played really well, but the opposing team played better.

I actually managed to talk to Edward a few times a week and I was feeling very spoiled by it as it got closer to Christmas and we both got busier. Edward was working more hours at Newton's in addition to practicing to try out for the basketball team.

As promised, Charlie flew into Phoenix on the red-eye the morning before my ballet recital. We were performing the Nutcracker as a part of a joint production with the Arizona School of Classical Ballet. It was being held at the Mesa Arts Center. It was a big production because we'd be dancing to a live orchestra – something I definitely wasn't used to but was looking forward to.

Ballet had come very naturally to me. I was a bit on the clumsy side when I was younger but when I put on my ballet slippers, my feet figured out what they should do. My teacher moved me into an advanced class about a month after I started taking lessons. I loved it but it demanded more of my time. Time I'd gladly give.

I was at school while Mom picked up Dad from the airport. She was going to drop him off at our apartment so he could get a little rest while I was in class. It was the last day before winter break began and I was so excited. I'd have a little under a week to spend with my Dad but in that time, I still had a couple of Choir concerts to attend and I knew he'd love to come hear me sing.

I raced home from school that day. I was anxious for my performance that evening, and anxious to see my Dad. I was nervous by the time we got to the Mesa Arts Center. My instructor promised me that I'd be fine and to focus on something that made me happy while I danced.

Our performance wasn't flawless but it wasn't noticeable to anyone but the dancers themselves. I did as well as I could have and I was glad just to make it through without a broken ankle if I was being honest with myself. When I changed and walked out into the auditorium, I found my parents and Phil standing there with a huge bouquet of pink roses. Mom handed me the flowers and told me how good she thought it was. Phil echoed her thoughts while my Dad stood to the side with a shit eating grin on his face. He was holding a smaller bouquet of sunflowers and irises. He handed them to me after kissing me on the cheek.

"You were perfect, baby girl. Well done. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Daddy. The flowers are beautiful."

"Oh … those aren't from me, I just picked them up at the florist. I had very specific instructions."

"Edward?" I grinned.

"Who else?"

"That brat. I told him not to send me anything!"

Sure, I'd told him not to send me flowers but I was so happy that he did. They were beautiful and they made me smile.

I called Edward the next morning to thank him for the flowers and I promised that my Dad would return to Forks with several videos that he could watch if he got terribly bored. Edward was busy getting his things packed – he and his parents were getting ready to leave for Chicago in a few hours.

"Will you call me when you get there?"

"Of course, I will, Boo. I'll even give you their number so you can call me if you need to."

"'Kay. When are you coming home?"

"On the twenty-seventh. My Dad has to get back to work."

"Yeah. My Dad is leaving on the twenty-sixth. He's got to get back to work too."

We promised to talk to each other soon and ended our call. I spent the week with my Dad. We had a lot of fun – shopping and doing a little sightseeing.

"Bells … why don't you come home with me for a few days. You don't have choir practice or ballet until you go back to school and even then you don't go back to school until the second week of January. You could come spend New Year's with me and the Cullen's. Esme's expecting me and you know she won't complain if you're there. It will give your mom and Phil a chance to celebrate their anniversary without worrying about you."

"But the ticket … airfare will be so expensive last minute, Dad."

"You just let me worry about that, baby girl."

"I'd get to see Edward for New Year's?"

"Yup," Dad smiled.

"Can we not tell him? I'd kinda like to surprise him."

"Sure thing, baby girl."

Christmas was low-key. Phil went to his sister Sam's house in Florida, helping her pack up the last of her things before she moved to Phoenix. That left Mom, Dad and me to have Christmas by ourselves. I cooked a nice dinner for the three of us and we sat and watched movies. It felt like we were almost a family again. Mom helped me pack my suitcase that night and I flew out with Dad the next morning.

I couldn't wait to surprise Edward. We'd talked briefly on Christmas Day and he said his flight got in around eleven in the morning and that they should be home by four at the latest. I insisted that Dad talk to Esme and invite them to our house for dinner without giving up too much information. I was only too happy to cook dinner for everyone.

While Dad was at work, I cleaned up the house and started on dinner. Esme called and left a message on the machine saying they were in Sequim and were going to stop at home before coming over for dinner.

Two and a half hours later, my Dad was helping me set the table when I heard a knock on the door. My Dad grinned at me and went to answer it.

"Charlie Swan! It smells fantastic in here, when did you learn to cook?"

I bit my lip and giggled to myself at Esme's reaction.

"Well, I didn't exactly learn how to cook, Esme. Come on in. Merry Christmas, Carlisle, Edward."

I stepped out into the hall and Esme looked up from removing her scarf and saw me standing there. The smile on her face was a mile wide.

"Edward …" Esme said softly.

He looked at her and she pointed to where I stood.

"Merry Christmas." I smiled.

"Bella …" Edward breathed.

"Hey," he said softly as he strode toward me, linking our pinkies together.

"Hey, yourself."

"Are you my Christmas present?" He asked shyly.

"Not really, but if you want me to be, I'm more than happy to stick a bow on my head."

After dinner, Edward and I sat bundled up on the front porch swing. We were watching the snow fall silently around us.

"You're not here for good are you?" Edward asked sadly.

"No, I'm not."

I wrapped my arms around Edward's bicep and snuggled into him – inhaling his scent and soaking up the warmth of his body.

"I have to at least finish this school year." I said softly.

"I'm hoping to go to a baseball camp in California next summer."

"Really? That big one?"

"No, it's a smaller camp, for more elite players. I think Jazz and I will make the cut this year. But I'll be gone for six weeks. I leave three weeks after school gets out."

"But you'll be home for your birthday?"

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't want you to be alone on your birthday, Edward."

"I wouldn't be, Boo. But it's a moot point because I'll be home, and don't you worry about me being alone at camp because Jazz and maybe even Emmett will be there."

Jazz and Emmett were two people we hadn't talked about much since we'd started talking again. We pretty much focused on ourselves. But it was nice to bring them up again and I hoped to see them while I was here. Alice, however, I kept in touch with. She had truly become one of my very best friends even with the distance. She helped ease the pain of being so far from Edward. She kept an eye on him, but when Edward and I weren't talking – she never mentioned him. She knew it was painful for me.

"How's Rosalie? Still her same bitchy self?"

"She's better actually. She's still bitchy but not as bad as she was. She really seems to like Emmett."

"Oh? And how is that going?" I giggled.

"He's still not overly impressed, although I think she's wearing him down."

"I like Emmett. He's a nice guy and I'm happy that you have him to hang out with."

"He's pretty fond of you too, Bella. He asks about you pretty often."

I was warm and happy curled up next to Edward, but our little bubble was burst by Carlisle and Esme saying it was time for them to leave. Carlisle had a shift early the next morning at the hospital. I promised Edward I'd see him the next day and watched as their taillights faded into the darkness.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry this is late, I completely forgot that yesterday was Tuesday! This whole holiday on a Monday thing has thrown off my entire week!**

**Thoughts?**


	10. Chapter 10

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my wonderful betas and prereader – darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without these ladies, this would be complete crap.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Ten

* * *

"Five, four, three, two, one … Happy New Year!" Everyone cheered.

Edward and I were curled up in his basement watching the ball drop in Times Square. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice were with us. We'd spent the evening playing video games and air hockey before we settled down to watch a movie and then _New Year's Rockin' Eve_.

As the ball dropped, and everyone counted down, Edward softly echoed their words in my ear.

"Happy New Year, Boo."

He kissed me softly on the corner of my mouth.

"Happy New Year, Edward."

I snuggled back into his chest as he hit play on the movie again.

A few hours later, I was nudged awake by Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart, if you want – you can go on up to Edward's room to sleep. Charlie had a few too many beers and we made him stay here. He's asleep upstairs in the guest room."

"Where is everyone else?" I asked softly.

I didn't want to wake Edward. I had fallen asleep with my head on his chest but he was sleeping so peacefully, I didn't have the heart to wake him up.

"They've all gone home. They didn't want to wake you."

"Esme, I can't leave Edward here."

"It's all right, Bella. I was going to wake him up and send him up to the living room to sleep. It'll get too cold down here."

I didn't want to leave Edward at all. We'd had such a good time all evening, laughing and playing with our friends. Then it was like he flipped a switch and went from fun and playful to sweet and needy. When we sat down to watch the movie – it was as if he couldn't get close enough. Knowing that he wanted to be that close to me had me on cloud nine, and I was only too happy to oblige.

"Esme … can I stay with Edward? Please?"

She sighed but nodded her head.

"All right, Bella. I'll go get some blankets and pillows and leave them by the fireplace in the living room. Wake up my son before you both freeze."

I nudged Edward until his green eyes found mine.

"What?" He asked sleepily as he stretched and rubbed his eyes.

"Your mom wants us to go upstairs and sleep in the living room." I explained softly.

"Yeah …" He yawned. "It gets cold down here."

We stood up and made our way upstairs to the living room. Esme was putting heavy blankets down on the floor for us on top of a feather bed. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace.

"I know it'll be sort of bright for sleeping, but it will keep you warm."

"Thanks, Esme." I smiled.

Edward flopped down onto the makeshift bed and snuggled down into the pillow. I fidgeted for a moment as Esme looked back and forth between me and Edward.

"Umm … I'm going to go use the bathroom."

"Bella … some of your things are in Edward's bathroom. Your toothbrush and I think there are pajamas in there too."

Thank goodness I'd left a set of pajamas here last summer.

When I came out of the bathroom in my tank top and pajama pants I found Edward sitting on his bed.

"Hey .."

He smiled up at me sleepily.

"Do you want a sweatshirt or something, Boo?"

"Umm, yeah, if you don't mind."

"You know I don't mind … they're in the closet. Pick whichever one you want."

I found my favorite sweatshirt of his and slipped it over my head before retreating back downstairs. I passed Esme in the hall and wished her goodnight. There were no lights on in the living room – the only light was coming from the fireplace. The warmth on my skin felt so good and it made me instantly sleepy. I lay down and pulled the blankets over me. I was out cold before Edward made it downstairs.

The next few days passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was time for me to go back to Phoenix. As the time drew closer, Edward became more and more melancholy.

"Edward …" I sighed. "Don't act like we won't see each other again. You're like this every time I leave, and I hate it. Leaving sucks for me too, so please don't be like this."

"I know, Boo. I can't help it. I miss you so much when you're gone."

"I miss you too, Eddo." I bumped his shoulder trying to lighten the air around us.

"Bella …"

He tried to growl at me but it came across as a grin.

"That's what I wanted out of you." I grinned back.

"So can I ride to the airport with you?"

"You can if you want to, but I hate saying goodbye to you at the airport, I'd rather do it here."

Edward ran his hands through his hair and sighed again.

"You'll come back soon?"

"As soon as I can, Edward, but I can't promise anything."

"'Kay."

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

A few hours later, I found myself on a plane and on my way back to a very lonely desert. The only thing keeping my head above water was the fact that as soon as school started again I'd be preparing to go to Honor Choir.

"Hi, sweetie!" Mom squealed as I made my way to baggage claim.

"Hi, Mom."

"How was your trip?"

"It was good."

"How was Edward?"

"He's good. Completely surprised to see me and it was nice to spend some time with him."

"Good, sweetie. I'm glad you had a good time."

As soon as I got back home, I easily fell into my routine. School, choir practice, and dance rehearsal - my days were an endless loop of those three things. Without volleyball, I had plenty of time to write Edward, but as the weeks went by, I got busier and busier. After our performance for County Honor Choir, I received my audition song for State Honor Choir.

State Honor Choir was a huge deal. My Choir teacher warned us that he usually encourages only juniors and seniors to try out because they usually take juniors and seniors over sophomores and freshmen.

"Bella … I think you really need to try out." My teacher encouraged.

"I don't want to put the time into learning the music and trying out only to be disappointed."

"Bella … you're very talented. If I didn't think that you had even the slightest chance of making it, I wouldn't be pushing it so hard."

I looked at Mr. Harris, my choir teacher.

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure, Bella. But I need to know soon. I need to make time to work with you on your audition song."

I nodded and made my way out of the classroom. I needed to call Edward and talk to him. I needed to hear his velvety soft voice that always comforted me when I wasn't sure about something – most of all I needed him to tell me that I could do this.

I looked at my watch as I walked through the door of our apartment. It was too early to call Edward. He'd be at baseball practice until five at least and it was only four. Thankfully, I had some homework I could work on to take my mind off the whole honor choir thing.

My Honors English homework was what I decided to tackle first. I needed to read a few chapters of The Outsiders and complete a worksheet. I'd read the book before because it was one of my Mom's favorites but it had been a while so I decided to read it again.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I woke up to the shrill ringing of the phone beside me.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Did I wake you up?" Edward asked softly.

"Uhh … yeah, I guess you did. I must have fallen asleep reading." I murmured, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"I can call you back later …"

"No! I mean … you're fine. I wanted to call you when I got home from school but I knew you wouldn't be home from practice yet."

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. I just needed to talk to you about something."

There was worry in Edward's voice when he asked if everything was okay. I knew I had to put his worries to rest before I could talk to him about my own.

"Promise you're okay?"

I giggled.

"I promise. I needed to talk to you about something involving choir …."

I told Edward all about how my teacher, Mr. Harris wanted me to try out for State Honor Choir and how unusual it was for a freshman to actually be chosen to sing in it.

"This is a huge deal, Bella."

"I know! I'm so nervous about making the wrong decision here."

"Bella …" Edward chastised. "You'll only be disappointed if you don't try. You have a beautiful voice – you can do this."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know so, Boo."

"How do I know you're not just saying that?"

"Because, I'd never lie to you, Bella. You are so talented but you don't see yourself the way everyone else does."

"I want to do this," I whispered.

"Then do it. Learn the song and go in there with your chin held high and knock their fucking socks off, Boo. You've got this."

Edward's curse made me laugh and melted away my worries for the moment. It was everything I needed to hear.

"Thank you."

"For what, Bella?"

"Being the best friend a girl could ask for. Somehow you always know exactly what I need to hear."

"That's my job." Edward chuckled. "Why do I have to keep telling you that?"

"Apparently, I need to be reminded every once in a while just how good I have it."

I chatted with Edward for a bit longer. It felt so good to talk to him. It made me miss him that much more, but that I could deal with. He made me promise him I'd keep him posted on my progress with the song I was learning and I'd let him know when my audition was.

Mr. Harris was ecstatic that I agreed to audition. We made plans to work every day after school on my song. I fit rehearsals in between dance classes and book club. For three weeks I worked day after day on my audition song for State Honor Choir. It was in Italian and it was a beautiful song. I worked on it until I was blue in the face. I ate and breathed it.

"Bella … you've got it down. Your pitch is perfect, your timing is spot on – there is nothing else for you to work on. You will have an accompanist – just give them the key you want and knock their socks off."

I chuckled to myself knowing that was the same thing Edward had told me.

"Thanks, Mr. Harris."

"You're welcome, Bella. Now, I want you to rest your voice as much as possible between now and Saturday. Drink tea with lemon and honey to soothe your throat and no yelling or screaming, okay?"

I nodded.

The following Saturday, I met my other classmates who were trying out as well as Mr. Harris and together we drove to Tucson for the auditions. I quickly called Edward before leaving that morning, needing once again to hear his reassuring voice and words of encouragement. I promised to call him as soon as I arrived home.

When we arrived in Tucson, we walked into the concert hall and signed in at registration. We were given numbers and asked to sit in the audience until our number was called. I reluctantly handed my sheet music over to the registrar and took my number. Mr. Harris smiled at me and corralled us into the hall.

"Number twenty-seven please."

I realized that my number had been called. Why they weren't taking numbers in order I had no idea but it definitely wasn't helping my nerves. I made my way up the stairs and onto the stage and smiled briefly at the pianist who quietly asked what key I wanted to sing in.

"G, please." I replied quietly.

I could feel my legs quaking beneath me as the first few notes started. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, picturing Edward's sweet smile before I began to sing.

"_Caro mio ben … credimi almen … scenza di te … languisce il cor …"_

I took another breath as the music enveloped me.

"_Caro mio ben … credimi almen … scenza di te languisce il cor … Il tuo fedel so spira ognor … Cessa crudel tanto rigor!"_

When the second line came to a crescendo and I moved up the scale, I felt myself relax knowing that I had hit the correct notes and everything was icing on the cake from there. The judges then asked me to sing ascending and descending scales in the same key as my audition song. As soon as the judges said thank you, I took another deep breath and scurried off the stage.

"Bella … you were brilliant!" Mr. Harris whispered when I returned to my seat next to him.

I smiled shyly and pointed to the stage where one of my classmates was talking to the pianist.

We sat and listened through several more auditions. I was glad that mine was one of the first few and that I didn't have to sit through the entire thing until the end feeling anxious. When everyone was done, one of the judges stood up and explained that it would be another hour before the results were announced. He suggested that we all go and get a bite to eat and then come back.

We went to a little café nearby and I ordered a sandwich but I was so nervous that I wasn't able to eat all that much. Although my audition was over, I was still worried that I wouldn't be chosen.

"Bella … stop worrying. You'll be selected. Not only was your song perfect but your scales were perfect too. You didn't miss a note."

Heidi was one of the upperclassmen that tried out from my school and she was the only one that was particularly friendly with me. She was graduating in June and I'd miss her. She was nice and always offered a friendly smile and a kind word. Her quiet reassurance made me feel better, and I was able to eat a little before we went back to the concert hall.

"Isabella Swan – All State Women's Choir and Arizona State Honor Choir."

I sat in shock as I listened to them call out my name for two choirs. Mr. Harris was beaming at me, I did it.

"Congratulations, Bella!"

Heidi was the only other person from our school to be chosen and even then, she only made the Women's Choir.

The two hour drive back to Phoenix was quiet. I preferred to spend the time lost in my thoughts and writing in my journal. I couldn't wait to get home and tell my Mom and Phil. I wanted to call my Dad and Edward – I knew how proud they'd be.

"I knew you'd make it, Boo. I'm so fucking proud of you. When is the concert?" Edward asked.

"Umm … I think it's the first weekend in May but I'll have to double check."

"Yeah, definitely let me know. Charlie and I want to come down but I have to make sure it doesn't conflict with my baseball schedule."

"Speaking of baseball, how's that going?"

"It's going good. So far we've won both of our scrimmage games. Our first real game is Tuesday."

"I wish I could be there." I said sadly.

I wanted to be there so badly. I knew that Esme, Carlisle and maybe even my Dad would be there to support him but it wasn't the same as having your best friend there. It was Edward's High School baseball debut and it was a big deal for him.

"I wish you could be there too, Boo."

Edward and I talked for a while longer until he had to go to dinner with his parents.

"Tell your mom and dad I said hi and that I miss them."

"I will, Bella. They miss you too, you know."

For the next month and a half, I spent a good deal of my free time learning all my music for honor choir. Thankfully, we only had to drive to Tucson a couple times. The actual performance would be held in Phoenix. I had six songs to learn for the Women's Choir and seven to learn for State. The conductors didn't make it easy on us – one song was in Japanese, another in Russian; French, Italian, Latin, Spanish, Hebrew and German. Yeah, they pretty much covered them all. My least favorites being Russian and German – they just didn't roll off of the tongue like French and Italian.

The more time I spent working on learning music the better I was becoming at picking out melodies on the piano. Mr. Harris had suggested that I invest in a keyboard to help me practice at home. Mom politely told me that she would buy me one if I took lessons. The next night, we went to Phil's for dinner and he pulled me into the living room where I found a shiny black upright piano with a giant lavender bow on it.

"That's for you, Bella." Phil smiled.

"Really?"

"Really. You can come over here any time you want and practice on it. I'll give you a key to the house – just let your mom and I know where you are, okay?"

I nodded.

"But why here? Why not at the apartment?"

"Well, there really isn't room at the apartment. We looked at keyboards and decided that in the long run, a piano was a better investment. If you still want a keyboard to keep in your room, we're more than happy to get you one, Bella."

"No, no … this is perfect. How will I get to lessons?"

My mom smiled at me from the doorway.

"Phil's going to make sure you get to and from your piano lessons. His sister will be your teacher."

"Sam?" I asked

Phil nodded.

"She's excited to get started with your lessons."

That night over dinner, Phil, Mom and I worked out a schedule where I could do piano lessons, choir, book club, dance and volleyball in the fall. Yeah, it was a lot, but I'd make it work somehow. I called my Dad and told him about the piano. He wasn't too happy that mom didn't talk to him about it because he gladly would have paid for it and he was worried about me burning out, but I promised him that wouldn't be the case.

"If I feel like it's too much, Dad, I'll give something up. I'm really excited about the piano lessons. Maybe one day, if I practice hard enough, I'll be as good as Edward."

Dad chuckled.

"Yeah, maybe one day, kiddo."

I confirmed the day of our performance with Edward. He promised that he'd be there along with Charlie. They were going to fly in on the red-eye Friday morning and fly back to Seattle late Sunday evening.

Mom allowed me to stay home from school on Friday. We picked Dad and Edward up at the airport and then went for a bit of breakfast before Mom had to be at work. Dad, Edward, and I spent our day at the apartment. Edward and I put on our swim gear and took off for the pool leaving my dad to nap.

Edward and I made lasagna with salad and garlic bread for dinner. We worked side by side while chatting with Dad, who sat at the table asking a hundred questions about the past couple of months. He couldn't wait to hear how my piano lessons were coming along and neither could Edward for that matter. I, of course was hesitant to play for them – worrying that I wasn't progressing in my lessons the way I should.

"Bella … you've only been taking lessons for a couple months and you're already on your third book? That's really good!" Edward smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes, Bella, really. It usually takes people that long to get through one book let alone three."

Phil's sister, Sam had told me that I had a raw talent when it came to singing and to the piano but I tended to not believe her. Sometimes I had a hard time connecting the bass line with the treble line, but Sam was patient with me and let me work through it until I got it. I was getting immensely better at sight reading and sight singing. Nine times out of ten – my pitch was perfect.

"Maybe on Sunday, I'll play for you a little but you can't laugh because I'm not nearly as good as you are, Edward."

"I couldn't laugh at you, Bella. You've only been playing for a couple of months, I've been playing since I was five."

It felt so good to have them here with me – they gave me something to think about other than my concert the following evening and their love and support meant everything to me.

Mom joined us for dinner but didn't linger afterward. I checked in on her while Dad and Edward cleaned up the dishes.

"Sorry, sweetie, I had a long day at work and Phil and I had a little fight."

"Is everything okay?"

Mom pulled me into a hug and held me tight.

"Everything's fine, sweetie. It was just a disagreement, that's all. Now you go back out there and enjoy your time with your Dad and Edward."

I nodded and went back to the living room with Dad and Edward. We put in a movie and relaxed on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn.

When I could no longer stifle my yawns, Dad suggested that we head to bed. He insisted that I needed to rest for my performance the next day.

The morning of our concert, we had a final run through of our program, so Mom got up early and drove me to the concert hall.

"I'm going to have breakfast with Phil while you're rehearsing, sweetie. I'll be back at eleven to get you."

"Phil's coming tonight, right?"

"I don't know, sweetie. We'll see."

I didn't know what was going on with my Mom and Phil, and maybe I didn't want to, but it couldn't be good if she wasn't sure if he was coming to my concert.

Practice went smoothly, but I found myself daydreaming about spending time with Dad and Edward. In my dreams, Phil had invited us over to swim in his pool and while Edward and I swam, Dad and Phil stood next to the grill – laughing over a beer.

"Bella … are you ready?" Heidi asked.

"Oh yeah, sorry." I answered, shaking my head in an attempt to shake away the daydream.

Heidi giggled.

"I guess that faraway look in your eyes means Edward is here and you can't wait to get back to him?"

I nodded with a giggle.

Mom and I stopped to get sandwiches on our way back to our apartment. When we walked in, Dad was sitting on the sofa watching a baseball game, and Edward was bent over the coffee table working on his homework.

I plopped down on the floor next to him and pulled out our sandwiches.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"I'm almost done, Boo. I have to get this done before I go home, and I want to spend time with you."

"It's okay, Edward," I giggled. "I have a little bit of homework myself to finish before I have to get ready."

Edward closed his book and pushed his homework aside long enough to eat his lunch. We ate quickly wanting to get our homework finished. We retreated to my room to finish up the rest of our homework – I couldn't work with the baseball game on in the background. We finished in plenty of time for me to get ready for the concert.

I dressed carefully, being sure that my long black skirt was straight and the tie to my white wrap around blouse was in a neat bow. I studied myself in the mirror, thinking that I looked pretty and feminine, even if I felt like a little girl playing dress up.

Mom came in and helped me curl my hair into flowing waves. We left it long down my back, pulling the sides back with glitzy barrettes.

"You look so grown up, sweetie." Mom smiled, teary eyed.

"Mom … it's just a concert."

"For a very prestigious choir which my baby girl sang her heart out to get into. It's a big deal, Bella."

"Please don't make me any more nervous about tonight than I already am, Mom."

"You'll be fine, sweetie."

I walked out into the living room where Dad and Edward were sitting on the sofa.

"Bella …" Edward breathed. "You look … so beautiful."

"I have to agree with you there, son." My Dad chuckled and nodded in agreement.

"All right, I'm nervous enough. Let's go."

Mom drove us to the concert hall in downtown Phoenix. Edward walked me to the back of the building where I was supposed to go in.

"Bella … don't be nervous. I know you'll be fantastic."

"Thanks, your faith in me is unwavering." I grinned cheekily.

"It is, Bella. Always." He said softly.

Edward carried my binder from the car and handed it to me before kissing me gently on the cheek.

"Break a leg, Boo." Edward whispered.

I watched as he walked away and I heard a giggle from beside me.

"Yeah, I totally get why you were spacing out earlier."

I linked my arm with Heidi's and we made our way into the back of the auditorium.

The evening began with the Women's Choir singing an adaptation of Rainer Maria Rilke's Les Chansons des Roses: Dirait-on. It was a beautiful song, and once I'd gotten the lyrics down, it quickly became one of my favorites. When I told Edward we were singing a song in French, he teased me saying it would be sexy if I was fluent. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

We ended with a piece by Mozart called Luci Care – a sweet song in Italian that reminded me of words Edward had spoken to me in a hammock on a lazy summer afternoon.

The Men's Choir filed onto the stage as we filed off and we were allowed to sit in the audience and listen until we were needed to line up for the State Honor Choir Performance.

I glanced back to see Phil sitting next to my mom; Dad and Edward were sitting on her other side. Edward caught my eye and smiled widely, winking at me. I grinned and turned my attention back to the stage.

I was much more at ease when I stepped onto the stage to perform with the State Honor Choir. Our songs were lighter than the ones for the Women's Choir. We began with the Hallelujah Chorus from Christ on the Mount of Olives. We also performed a piece called Bullerengue. Written in Spanish, the Columbian dialect was interesting to learn. My favorite piece that we performed was titled Domaredansen. It reminded me of the song _Linus and Lucy_ from _Peanuts_ and the entire time I was envisioning Snoopy dancing with his little ears in the air.

"_Domaredansen is through … hey!"_

As the last of the music floated through the air, the audience began to stand and applaud. We took a bow, our conductor bowed, and then he asked us to bow again as the applause went on. Finally, we were asked to exit the stage and I was never so glad to be able to move freely. Heidi and I picked up our notebooks and exited out of the door we'd come in through. Together we walked to the front of the concert hall where our families were filtering outside.

Edward and my Dad were waiting for me; Edward with a large bouquet of purple irises in his hand and a huge grin on his face.

"Did you enjoy the concert?" I asked.

"It was wonderful, sweetie!" My mom piped up as she ran over to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks, Mom."

"It was great, Bella, really." Edward assured me.

Phil treated us all to a late dinner after my concert. He didn't have to, but he did. I was so happy that he came to my concert. He deserved to be there – he'd been there for me to take me to rehearsals just as much as Mom did. He was so supportive when it came to my music. Phil allowed me to have my lessons at his house with his sister, Sam, even if he wasn't home. He'd given me a key to let myself in after school and he'd usually come home just as we were wrapping up a lesson and he'd take me home afterward or we'd make dinner together and my mom would come over after work.

"I want to barbeque tomorrow," Phil said.

"Can we swim in the pool?" I asked.

"Sure, sweetheart," Phil chuckled. "Come over in the afternoon and you can swim all you want."

I looked at my dad to see if he was okay with it. He nodded and I looked over at Edward who had a big grin on his face. I knew he wouldn't be against swimming.

Much later that night, Edward and I spread out our blankets on the living room floor. I collapsed onto my pillow in an unceremonious heap, exhausted from the events of the day – all my adrenaline from earlier completely gone.

"I'm proud of you, Bella." Edward whispered as he settled down into his blankets.

"Thanks, Eddo. That means a lot to me," I said sleepily.

I felt a gentle kiss to my temple and I was gone to the world.

The next day was like a scene from my dream. Edward and I splashed in the pool while Phil and my Dad stood next to the grill chatting with their beers in hand. My mom was in the kitchen putting the salads I'd spent most of the morning making out on the counter.

"Come on guys, dinner's on," Phil grinned.

We hopped out of the pool and wrapped our towels around us before taking our seats at the table on the deck. Dad and Phil had grilled steaks, chicken and vegetables and everything was so good. The macaroni and fruit salads I had made perfectly completed the meal. When everyone finished, Phil ducked into the house and brought out two bottles of the sweet wine I knew was Mom's favorite and poured everyone including Edward and me a glass.

"I have an announcement to make," Phil grinned.

My eyes flew to my mom as she tugged at his shirt and asked him to sit down and save it for later.

"No, Nee … I've waited long enough. I've asked Renee to marry me and she said yes."

I gasped and Edward placed his hand on my leg, swirling his thumb soothingly.

"Mom?" I asked, the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

She looked down, not meeting my eyes.

"It's true, sweetie. Phil asked me while you were in Forks over New Year's and I wanted to wait until the time was right to tell you, but it got away from me."

"Bella, we thought you'd want to hear it when everyone was here," Phil explained. "You get the support you need from your dad and Edward and we thought it best to tell you when they were here."

I wasn't angry they were getting married, but I was a little upset at the fact that they thought I couldn't handle it without Dad and Edward there. I was happy for my mom - she'd finally found the love she'd been searching for in Phil. I was sad that my dad had been left behind. I couldn't begin to imagine how he felt hearing that and even worse – being there to witness their happiness.

I wiped the traitorous tears from my eyes and looked up to see my Dad looking at me with nothing but love and concern. He nodded and I turned to look at my Mom and Phil who were watching me curiously.

"Congratulations, guys. I'm happy for you." I smiled weakly.

"Are you really, baby? You don't have to pretend for our sakes."

"I'm not pretending, Mom," I sniffled.

I leaned over and hugged my dad, hoping to convey to him that it was him I was worried about. He kissed the top of my head and whispered in my ear.

"I'm okay, baby girl. Don't you worry about me. Be happy for your Mom, she deserves it."

I nodded.

Edward and I cleared the table and worked side by side in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes while Dad cleaned up the grill. Mom and Phil had disappeared for a few minutes of alone time.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yeah. I feel bad that they felt I needed you and Dad here for support and I worry about Dad. It broke my heart a little that he had to be here for that."

"I understand that, I guess. So your worry for your dad overshadows your happiness for your Mom?"

I shrugged.

"I feel bad that he's been left behind. She's obviously moved on and I'm here with her and he's alone. How else could I feel?"

Edward nodded and reached out to squeeze my hand in understanding.

Dad walked in from the deck just as Edward and I were finishing up the kitchen.

"Baby girl … why don't you show Edward and me what you can do with those piano lessons you've been taking?"

I was hesitant to play for them of course, but I led them into the living room and timidly pulled out my piano bench. I sat down and took a deep breath to center myself and placed my fingers on the keys. I began to play with shaky hands and when I stumbled on the notes and played the wrong keys, I dropped my hands to my lap and hung my head.

Edward was by my side instantly.

"Take another deep breath, Boo. You're doing great, you just got a little flustered."

My eyes met warm green ones and a sort of calm washed over me. I took a deep breath and started again. I didn't need to stop a second time – my fingers never faltered.

When I finished, Dad and Edward stood on their feet and clapped. With huge smiles and pride all over their faces, I beamed back at them – a little proud of myself.

"So, so good, Bella." Edward grinned.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You've only been playing for a couple of months and that was amazing."

Edward's face reflected nothing but sincerity. My Dad looked like he could burst with pride and he pulled me into a hug.

"So proud of you, baby girl."

"Thanks, Dad."

I looked over to see Mom and Phil watching us from the doorway with smiles on their faces.

"See, Bella … we told you," Mom grinned.

Once again, I was sad to see Dad and Edward leave that evening, but I knew I'd be seeing them over the summer so it eased my conscience knowing that it wouldn't be long before I'd see them again. I rode with Mom as she drove them to the airport and I hugged them tight as they gathered their luggage and made their way to the ticketing counter.

"See you soon, Bella," Edward murmured.

"Definitely," I whispered, rising up on my toes to place a kiss on his cheek.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Caro Mio Ben – Giuseppe Giordani**

**Dirait-On - written by Morten Lauridsen**

**Bullerengue – written by Jose Antonio Rincon**

**Domaredansen - arranged by Bengt Hallberg**

**Christ on the Mount of Olives – written by Ludwig van Beethoven**

**I know for a fact that four of these songs are available on iTunes – if you like Classical Music – check them out. Domaredansen is especially fun =)**

**I am SO sorry – RL completely threw me off track last week and I forgot to post! =/ In the midst of working, shuttling my kiddo to dance, piano, scouts, swimming and school – going to school myself - life is busy! (Don't worry – this story is already written up to Chapter 27 so as long as I don't forget again, we're good to go! LOL) Because I'm a posting fail – I'll be posting chapter 11 shortly. ;)**

**Thoughts?**


	11. Chapter 11

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and prereader – darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971. These ladies make everything better.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Eleven

* * *

It sucked watching my Dad and Edward walk away. They were both miserable that I wasn't with them. Maybe now that Mom and Phil were engaged, it was time for me to seriously think about returning to Forks. I could easily finish up the school year and spend part of the summer with Mom and then go to Forks in time to try out for Volleyball and for school to start.

Dad and Edward would be ecstatic. Yet at the same time, it made my heart hurt because I'd worked so hard for everything I had here in Phoenix – the volleyball team, choir, dance, piano lessons. Did I really want to change that? Was it selfish of me to want it for just a little bit longer?

My decision was made for me a few days later. I walked into the classroom for Choir, and Mr. Harris was grinning from ear to ear.

"Bella … can I have a minute?"

"Umm, yeah, I guess so."

Mr. Harris handed me an envelope and waited while I opened it.

"You've been invited to a prestigious summer music camp. Only the most promising musicians are invited every summer. It's in Sedona, and I know it looks expensive, Bella, but don't you worry about that."

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had indeed been invited to a summer music camp. I did a double take when I saw the price. It was nearly $700 for a week.

"Mr. Harris … there is no way. Seven hundred dollars … we can't …"

"Bella … like I said, don't worry about that. You read over what they've sent and decide. You've been given a scholarship to attend if you'd like to go."

My eyes must have bugged out of my head because Mr. Harris let out a hearty chuckle.

"I'll talk to my Mom and think about it."

Later that afternoon, my volleyball coach caught me in the locker room as I was packing up my gym clothes and getting ready to walk home.

"Bella, I'm glad I caught you. You're planning on playing on the team next year aren't you?"

"Umm, yeah. I mean, I was planning on trying out again if that's what you're asking."

Coach laughed.

"Bella, you don't have to try out again. You're one of our best players. I don't think that's changed since December. I was just curious if you were interested in going to a volleyball camp this summer?"

"Oh. Umm … well that would depend on when it is, I guess. I've been invited to a music camp this summer too, and I think I want to go."

Coach waved me into her office and handed me the information for the volleyball camp. From the dates on the flyer it was doable, but it would take up quite a bit of my summer.

"We're also going to do a week long workshop the last week of July with the ASU Volleyball team. It's not mandatory, but it's helpful."

I jotted the dates down for that on the paperwork Coach had given me, and I promised her I'd talk to Mom about it. I'd also have to talk to Dad about it. I knew he'd be upset if I didn't come to visit for the summer, but given the year I'd had – he'd want me to do it.

Edward was a whole other ball of wax. I wasn't looking forward to that.

I had piano lessons after school, and I knew that Sam would be waiting on me if I didn't hurry. I briskly walked to Phil's house, only stopping to wait at the intersection to cross the street. I had so much churning in my head. I longed to call Edward, but this was the one time I needed to talk to my Mom before I talked to Edward.

I had problems focusing during my piano lesson and Sam reprimanded me more than once.

"What's gotten into you today, Bella? You're usually so calm and focused, this is so unlike you."

I unloaded on her – I told her everything. I figured if nothing else she was an uninvolved third party and her advice could potentially be invaluable.

"Wow, Bella. This music camp sounds like a big deal, but I know that volleyball is a big deal for you too. I bet that you could figure something out. Maybe you could go to Forks right after school gets out and stay for a couple weeks and then come back right before you have to leave for music camp."

"Hmm … I didn't think about that. Then I could be in Forks for Edward's birthday. He'd love that."

"I bet he would. Talk to your Mom, I'm sure she'll tell you the same thing. Keep in mind, sometimes wonderful opportunities aren't offered twice, so you should take the chance while you have it."

"Thanks, Sam. I appreciate your advice."

"You're welcome, Bella. I think we'll stop our lesson here for today. We'll pick up again on Thursday."

I thanked her again and promised to keep practicing in my workbook.

Phil had left me a note saying that we were going out to dinner tonight and that I should wait for Mom and him to get there. I pulled out my homework and flipped on the TV for background noise.

I'd finished most of my homework by the time Mom and Phil got home. They both wondered why I was doing homework instead of practicing with Sam. I promised I'd tell them over dinner, and I did just that.

"Bella, that's great, sweetie. I think Sam has a great idea, and you shouldn't worry about your Dad being upset. He's so happy you've got all these things in your life."

"Do you really think he's okay with only a little over two weeks?"

"Yeah, I think he will be but you won't know for yourself until you call him."

Phil took us for ice cream after dinner to celebrate, but he let us take it to go so I could get home to call Dad and Edward.

Dad was thrilled when I told him about the music camp.

"I don't care how much it costs, baby girl. I think you should go."

"Mr. Harris said I was offered a scholarship. I'm not sure if it's partial or what. I can find out tomorrow."

"What about the volleyball camp? I'm sure there is a cost for that too, Bella."

"There is, but Phil said he'd like to take care of it if that's okay."

I could hear my Dad grumbling.

"Bella … I'm your father, I'd like the opportunity to take care of it. Let's see what we're going to have to pay for the music camp and go from there. Maybe Phil will split it with me."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, baby girl. I guess Edward is next on your call list, huh?"

"Yeah. I hope he's not too upset that I won't be there all summer."

"He'll be glad that you'll be here for his birthday, besides, Edward is going to baseball camp and will be gone himself."

I talked to my Dad for a few more minutes, giving him the dates of my summer camps and the schedule for the end of school. He promised to book my flight for the same day I got out of school. No sooner had I ended the call than I was quickly dialing Edward's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Bella! Hey, Boo! I was just thinking about you … were your ears ringing?"

I giggled.

"No, actually they weren't. Were yours? Because, I was thinking about you too."

"Nah. I do miss you like crazy though and it's only been a few days."

"I miss you too," I whispered.

"What's going on, Bella? You sound … off."

"I'm a little overwhelmed and a lot worried."

"What? Why?"

I told Edward all about the summer music camp and the volley ball camps in July. He was quiet for a few moments after I finished my spiel and I could feel the panic setting in.

"I … I don't know what to say, Bella. I think it's awesome that you've been invited to this music camp. It sounds really cool. As for volleyball camp, I figured that was a given. I mean, I don't know how they run sports stuff there, but I have a pretty good idea how they run it here, and I figured that they'd want you to participate. Especially after how well you played in that championship game. You were amazing, Bella, and that is the simple truth. You deserve to go."

"You're not mad?"

"No, Boo. I'm not mad. Disappointed, yeah, but it's not like we'll never see each other again."

"No. I'm actually flying to Forks for a couple weeks before music camp starts. I'll be there for your birthday."

"Really?"

"Mmmhmm. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Edward grew quiet again.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"You're being quiet and I don't know what you're thinking," I murmured.

"I was just thinking that I didn't want a repeat of last year's birthday. You were miserable, Boo, and it hurt to see you like that."

"There won't be a repeat, Edward. I promise I won't let anything get to me. I'd like to think that I've changed quite a bit since last summer."

I sighed, thinking that everyone had been underestimating me lately. First, Mom and Phil thinking that I couldn't handle the news of their engagement. Second, Edward worrying about a repeat of his birthday party. It wasn't that it was bad – Rosalie had just been extremely bitchy that day.

"You have, Boo."

Edward's tone when he agreed was worrying to me. It was a tone that told me he wasn't completely happy about what he was agreeing with. I decided to change the topic back to my visit.

"So you're really not upset that I'm only coming for a couple weeks?"

"No. Besides, Boo, it's unrealistic for me to expect you to be here all summer when I'll be gone for baseball camp. I got into the same one I went to last year in addition to the prestigious one in California. Jazz is going with me."

"Are the Newton's okay with that?"

"Yeah … I'm only part time there anyway."

Edward and I chatted about a few other things. He told me he was looking forward to the end of the year sports banquet and I told him I was looking forward to mine too.

"If you moved back to Forks, we could go together to the sports banquet."

"Edward …" I groaned, dreading that we were dredging up that argument again.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" He chuckled.

"Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

"I'm right here, Bella. As much as it hurts, I finally understand why you need to be there with your Mom."

I could feel the lump in my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to speak in fear that my voice would betray me. I didn't want him to know that his realization had brought me to tears, but I did want him to know how much it meant to me.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You're welcome, Boo. That's what a best friend is for."

After that he lightened the conversation and before I knew it, we were both yawning and it was well past our bedtimes. We promised to talk again soon and ended the call.

The following day at school, I talked to Mr. Harris about the music camp. He said that I was offered a scholarship that would pay for ninety percent of the tuition. The remaining ten percent would be covered by the music boosters. Heidi and I were the only students from our school invited to the prestigious music camp and the booster club was only too happy to cover the $140 that both Heidi's and my scholarships wouldn't pay.

Mr. Harris was ecstatic when I told him that I was excited to go. He happily handed me all of the paperwork I had to fill out for my scholarship and promised me that he'd write me a letter of recommendation.

"The scholarship paperwork is just a formality, Bella. The review committee only wants to see how badly you want this and that you're willing to do what they require before they formally approve it and cut a check. You'll need three other letters of recommendation. I'm sure the volleyball coach would be more than willing to write you one – all you have to do is ask."

I nodded.

"Think you can come up with the other two?"

"How about my piano teacher?"

"That will work and perhaps your dance instructor?"

I grinned.

"Thanks, Mr. Harris."

News about Heidi and I being invited to the music camp must have spread through the teacher's lounge because both my English and Spanish teachers asked if they could write a recommendation for me. I figured it couldn't hurt to have a couple more than I actually needed.

I saw Coach during gym class and I talked to her about the volleyball camp. She told me there were scholarships available and that I was welcome to apply but competition was stiff and it wasn't a guarantee that I'd receive one so it was better to explore other avenues to pay for it. I nearly hyperventilated when I saw the price. $850 for two weeks of camp. That seemed a bit steep to me, but then again, I'd never been to any kind of sports camp before. I did feel bad about it, knowing that Phil volunteered to pay for it. Maybe it would be better for him and Dad to split it after all. Coach gave me a stack of paper work that I needed to fill out both for the scholarship and for the camp itself. I needed to have a deposit mailed in by June first.

Phil didn't seem fazed at all when I told him and Mom how much volleyball camp was that night over dinner. He said he'd be more than happy to write a letter of recommendation for the scholarship committee if it made me feel better.

"They may offer you a partial scholarship and that's better than nothing, Bella."

"I guess."

Before I knew it, the evening of the end of year sports banquet was upon me. Mom was working late, but promised to get there as soon as she could so Phil said he'd take me. I was so thankful that Phil was willing to step in when Mom wasn't available but I knew deep down that he'd have been there anyway. He'd admitted on more than one occasion that he'd always wanted kids of his own but never found the right person. When he met Mom, he admitted he was a little intimidated by the fact that she had a teenage daughter. He had visions of a mouthy, out of control teenager and he was happy to learn that I was quite the opposite.

"Thanks for bringing me tonight, Phil."

"No worries, sweetheart. I'm happy to be here."

We took our tickets to the cashier and got our hands stamped before we made our way through the buffet line. Phil was on his second helping of fried chicken and mashed potatoes when Mom came scurrying in.

"Oh, good! I guess I haven't missed anything yet?"

"No, Mom. But if you're hungry, you better get some food before it's all gone."

Not long after Mom sat down with her plate, the Athletics Director took his place at the podium. Most of his speech was pretty boring, but I sat up and paid attention the minute he mentioned volleyball. Everyone on the junior varsity team received a trophy for winning the regional championship. Coach made a speech and congratulated us on a fantastic season.

"Now … for the award you've been waiting since December for … the Most Valuable Player. This award is for the team member most dedicated to the well-being of the entire team. This year's MVP award goes to … Isabella Swan. Bella, you've been an invaluable asset to the team this year and the rest of the volleyball staff and I couldn't think of a more deserving player. Congratulations."

I was dumb struck as Phil turned to me and clapped me on the shoulder. Mom's mouth hung open in disbelief – like me, she hadn't believed it was my name they called.

I stood and walked numbly to the podium. Coach shook my hand and handed me an enormous trophy as well as my Letter.

"You don't need to make a long speech, Bella, but a few words would be good."

I spoke into the microphone and thanked my teammates and coaches citing that I wouldn't be half the player I was without them. I thanked the Athletic Director and the volleyball boosters and quickly returned to my seat.

I don't remember anything else that was said or any other awards that were given at the banquet. The chatter around our table was just a blur of voices – everyone trying to congratulate me all at once. The two voices I loved the most were the only ones missing. Suddenly, I just wanted to go home.

As soon as the last award was given I was out of my seat and on my way to the parking lot.

"Isabella Marie! What in the world has gotten into you?" Mom asked as she trailed behind me.

"I need to get home, Mom, I have a couple calls to make."

I called Dad as soon as I got home but I only got his machine. I left him a message asking him to call me as soon as possible and then I called Edward. Carlisle answered a little out of breath, but at least he answered.

"Hey Carlisle! Is Edward home?"

"Hi, sweetheart! I'm sorry, Edward's not home … he and Esme are at the sports banquet. They should be home here in a little bit."

"Oh gosh, I forgot that Edward's banquet was the same night as mine."

"Oh? How'd it go?"

"I got Junior Varsity MVP for Volleyball."

"Congratulations, sweetheart! That's fantastic, I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Carlisle. Would you mind keeping it to yourself? I want to tell Edward about it if you don't mind."

"Sure thing, Bella. I hope you don't mind if I tell Esme though." He chuckled.

"Of course you can tell Esme! I couldn't ask you to keep it from her."

It felt so good to talk to Carlisle even if it was only for a moment.

"I guess we'll be seeing you here in a couple weeks huh?"

"Yup. I'm flying up as soon as school gets out. Class is out at noon and my flight leaves at three. I arrive in Seattle around six."

"Can we pick you up at the airport, or does Charlie have that taken care of?"

"Umm, I'm not sure. You'd have to check with him on that."

"Okay, sweetheart," he chuckled. "I better let you go, you take care, and we'll see you in a couple weeks."

I said goodbye and hung up before I realized that I hadn't asked him to have Edward call me back. I smacked my forehead and cursed myself for being so stupid.

Frustrated, I grabbed a pair of pajamas out of my dresser and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I'd just finished brushing my teeth and turned out the light when I heard my phone ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Boo! I just got home and my Dad said I missed a call from you. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you something, that's all."

"Oh. What did you want to tell me? Because, I have something to tell you too."

I was intrigued and a little worried all at the same time. I had to admit, I was dreading the day that Edward would come to me and tell me that he didn't want to wait for me anymore.

"It's nothing but good things, I hope." I said quietly, hoping I wasn't exposing my fear.

"Bella … it's definitely good. Don't worry, okay? Now what did you want to tell me?"

"Umm, well tonight was our sports banquet …" I trailed off.

"Mmmhmm … and?"

"And … I was awarded MVP."

"Holy shit, Bella! That's awesome! I'm so fucking proud of you, Boo!"

I couldn't help but giggle at Edward's expletives but his pride shined through.

"Thanks, Edward. You know that means the world to me."

"I know, Bella, and I mean it."

"I know. So what did you want to tell me?"

He laughed. It was the most wonderful sound and I wished more than anything that I could have been there to witness it in person.

"I got MVP too."

"Shut up! No way! Edward! That's awesome!"

I was so proud of him, and I felt a pang of guilt that I hadn't been able to watch a single game, yet he made a consorted effort to come down three times to support me. Suddenly I felt like the worst friend ever.

"Bella? Are you okay? I was just asking how the rest of the banquet went and you kinda zoned out."

"I'm sorry, Edward … I was just thinking."

"About …?"

"What a shit I am. You've been here for concerts and a volleyball game, and I haven't been there to watch a single game you've played."

"It's okay, Bella."

"No, Edward, it's not okay and I promise, somehow, someway I'll make it up to you."

"Boo, you don't have to make anything up to me. You give me everything just by being in my life."

I sighed.

"How do you always manage to say the sweetest things?"

"I'm not sure, but I mean them from the bottom of my heart."

"I can't wait to see you – only a couple more weeks."

"I can't wait to see you either, Boo. I really miss you. I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you tonight."

"I wish I could have been there with you too, Eddie."

"Bella … I really hate it when you call me that." He chastised.

"I know … that's why I do it. You'd miss it if I didn't."

"You're right, I would," he chuckled.

"I've got to go, Edward, it's late and I'm hoping my Dad will call me back."

"Okay. Talk to you soon. Bye, Boo."

I picked up the book I'd been reading and tried to pass the time while I waited for Dad to call me back but he never did. Not that night anyway. The next morning, the phone woke me up. Dad was just as excited about my award as Edward was, and he too was sorry that he wasn't there to see me accept it.

The last couple weeks of school passed by in a flurry of studying and finals. I had a dance recital the last weekend of May to rehearse for and I did my studying in between rehearsals.

My recital went well. It was short and sweet. There was to be another recital at the end of the summer but I wouldn't be participating in it because I wouldn't be around to take dance classes over the summer – much to the disappointment of my instructor.

I was so relieved when finals were finished and all that was left of my freshman year of high school was a few days in which all we did was turn in our books, clean out our lockers and pass around our yearbooks to be signed.

I packed my suitcase the night before and filled my backpack with a few things I'd need to keep me entertained on my three hour flight to Seattle. As soon as the final bell rang on the last day of school, I sprang out of my seat – my steps a bit lighter knowing that I was on my way to one of my favorite places in the world.

* * *

**A/N: High School … ahh, good times. Bella has finally found her niche in school and found a steady rhythm in her everyday life. Edward seems content in his life too, although he hates that Bella isn't around every day. But don't worry … these two will find each other somehow …. Next up ... a little time in good ole' Forks!**

**Again, I apologize for the flub in posting last week. Barring any problems in editing chapter 12, we're on schedule for next week. See you then!**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts ….**


	12. Chapter 12

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters..

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my lovely betas and prereader - darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession. Without these ladies, this wouldn't be worth reading.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Twelve

* * *

_Happy 15__th__ Birthday – Edward Cullen_

I cheered as I saw Edward's name scroll across the marquee at Safeco Field. Carlisle and Esme had practically gone all out reserving a skybox so we could all attend the game and celebrate Edward's birthday. Jasper, Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, Dad, and I all gathered around as Esme lit the candles on the cake and we all sang.

"Make a wish," I whispered as Edward blew out the candles.

Edward grinned widely and I couldn't help but smile back at him.

It felt so good to be back in Forks. Edward and I spent nearly every day together, usually at his house or in La Push at First Beach. Esme was gracious enough to cart us around wherever we wanted to go. I only had a couple days after Edward's birthday before I had to go back to Phoenix. I had mixed feelings about going back – I was excited about music camp, but I hated to leave as usual.

After Edward and I had our chat after our sports banquets, I spent a lot of time thinking about how I could make it up to Edward without him really knowing about it. I knew that the one thing he wanted the most was for me to move back to Forks – so I made a decision; at the end of my sophomore year I'd move back to Forks.

Mom and Phil were planning to get married over spring break, and it would be the perfect opportunity to give them some time together without a teenager under their roof. I had heard somewhere that the first three years of marriage were the hardest, and I thought I'd make it a little easier on them.

So, for Edward's birthday, I made him a card. Inside it read:

_June 1996_

_I promise._

_Happy Birthday,_

_Love,_

_Bella_

I knew that my words wouldn't be lost on Edward. The look on his face when he opened his card was priceless.

"Really?" He asked.

I nodded.

He picked me up in his arms and spun me around – the smile never leaving his handsome face.

"Boy, that must have been one helluva birthday card." Emmett chuckled.

Esme picked up the card from where it sat on the table.

"June 1996? What happens in June of next year?"

I looked over to see a wide smile on my Dad's face just as big and bright as the one Edward wore.

"Bella's moving back to Forks, Mom." Edward answered.

"You are?"

I nodded.

"Oh, honey! That is wonderful! I'm so happy."

Esme wiped the tears from her face before pulling me out of Edward's arms and into hers.

"Thank you, Bella." She whispered. "You've answered his prayers."

**~.NLG.~**

"See you at Christmas!" I hollered as I waved goodbye to my Dad.

Carlisle, Esme and Edward were driving me to Seattle so I could catch my plane back to Phoenix.

This time our parting wasn't filled with the doom and gloom all our other ones were. It wasn't a goodbye - not really. This time it was a 'see ya later'. Edward got what he finally needed from me - a definite answer as to when I'd be coming back.

"Good luck at baseball camp, Slugger." I whispered as Edward pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks, Boo. You have a good time at music camp and learn a lot. I expect you to take notes and share your secrets."

I giggled.

"I can't keep any secrets from you, Eddie."

"I wouldn't expect anything less."

I hugged Edward tightly once more and took my bag from him.

"Call me when you get home, Bella."

I nodded and walked toward my gate. I settled down into my seat and breathed a sigh of relief that I'd only have to make this trip a couple more times before I could stay indefinitely. I'd also resolved that I'd make an attempt to come up and see Edward play. Yeah, I'd have the last two years of high school to see him play in plenty of games, but I didn't want to take anything for granted.

I had one day between the time I came home from Forks and the time I was supposed to leave for summer music camp. In that day, I had to do laundry, pack my things for camp and organize my bedroom so I could pack it up when I got home. Phil had asked us to move in with him when the lease on our apartment was up. I couldn't argue. My piano was ther,e and it took the same amount of time to walk to Phil's from school as it did to walk to the apartment. We spent so much time there it seemed silly not to move.

"Got everything all packed up?" Mom asked from the doorway.

"Yeah, I think so."

"You're not even gone yet and I miss you already, sweetie."

"Mom ..."

"I'm serious, Bella. You're growing up so fast. I can't believe you're going to be fifteen in September. Where has the time gone?"

To me, time hadn't seemed like it had gone fast at all. In fact, it seemed like it had passed at a snail's pace.

"I mean it, Bella ... You're going to be gone all summer and you'll be home in time to start training for volleyball - then school will start and the madness begins. I feel like I won't get to spend any time with you and before we know it June will be here and you'll be going back to live with your Dad."

"Mom ... you're getting married in April. You and Phil won't need me here to worry about. You need a chance to make a life together. I won't be gone forever - I'll come back to visit just like I do with Dad now."

"Oh, sweetie, I just don't want you to end up like me. Falling in love with the first guy that comes along and ending up barefoot and pregnant right out of high school. I want more for you than that."

"Mom ... you know how much I care for Edward and how much he cares for me. I love him but we've never given our relationship a chance. I don't know what will happen but I'm not planning on jumping into bed with him the first chance I get, okay? I don't want to be barefoot and pregnant right out of high school - I want more for myself than that - and I want more for Edward."

"Please promise me you'll be careful, Bella."

"Mom ..." I whined. "I promise to be careful when the time comes, okay?"

We were up early the next morning and on our way to Sedona before nine. Phil was wide awake and humming along to the radio as he drove. I quietly reflected on the conversation with my Mom from the night before, and I couldn't help but think there was a reason why she was so against me having a relationship with Edward. It had been a bone of contention between us before and now it had reared its ugly head again, but I couldn't put my finger on why.

"Here's some calling cards so you can call us when you get a chance - and don't use up all the minutes calling Edward, okay?" Mom asked as Phil put my bags inside my room.

I sighed.

"He's at baseball camp anyway," I lied.

I knew full well that Edward wouldn't be leaving for camp for another week but my Mom didn't know that. Even if Edward had already gone to camp, I still would have used the minutes to talk to Esme. In fact, I decided that when I called Edward, I'd ask to talk to Esme for a few minutes. Like Edward's, I valued Esme's quiet assurance. She was the sane Mom while my Mom was the crazy one.

I said goodbye to Mom and Phil, and they promised they'd see me on Friday evening for the chamber performance. They'd spend the night in Sedona and come back on Saturday afternoon for the Finale Concert.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to call, okay, Bella?" Phil asked.

"Okay. Thanks, Phil."

He smiled and climbed into his truck where Mom was already waiting.

I turned and walked back to my room. I had about forty-five minutes before I was supposed to meet everyone in the auditorium. We were supposed to meet quickly and then branch off to whatever workshops we'd signed up for. I decided to go back to my room and write a letter to Edward. I'd save his phone call for later.

My roommate was unpacking when I got back to my room. Her name was Terra, and she was a junior from a high school in Scottsdale. She seemed nice and after we exchanged pleasantries we chatted for a few minutes and I climbed onto my bed, pulling out my notebook to write a letter to Edward.

"Who's the hottie?" Terra asked as she glanced at the picture of Edward and me that sat on the table next to my bed.

"That's Edward."

"Brother? Boyfriend?"

"He's … he's my … everything." I whispered.

"So he's your boyfriend." Terra giggled.

I sighed.

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean 'not exactly'? Either he is or he isn't."

"He's my best friend, and we'd like nothing more than to be involved with each other that way but we don't live close to each other, so until we do …."

"You're just friends."

"Yeah. Best friends."

"That's kind of sweet."

I took the last few minutes I had before we had to be at orientation to quickly write Edward. I planned on taking my notebook with me in case I got bored and had time to write more later.

I met Heidi outside my room and we walked to orientation together. After a brief welcome and staff introductions, we were sent off to our first workshops of the week.

Intermediate piano was my first workshop. Mr. Brandt, our instructor, passed out some worksheets and asked us to take a seat at a keyboard as we walked in. I was a little worried about taking intermediate piano, but I talked to Sam about it before I requested the class and she assured me that I was more intermediate than beginner.

"Do you take lessons at home?" Mr. Brandt asked.

"Yeah," I replied, shyly.

"You're very good and I think your skill level is beyond this class."

All of that after twenty minutes of class? I talked to Mr. Brandt for a few more minutes, and he promised that he'd see what he could do to move me into the advanced piano class.

My second workshop was Sight singing and Ear training. I thought it would be a boring class, but as I sat and listened to the instructor – what she was talking about made sense. We went over scales – major and minor. By the end of the hour, I felt like my brain was on overload and my hand hurt from writing so many notes.

After the second workshop we had forty-five minutes for lunch. After lunch we had an hour and a half rehearsal for chamber choir followed by an hour long afternoon workshop. A two hour long choir rehearsal rounded out our day before we wrapped up for dinner. Each day of the camp was the same – the only difference was our evenings. After dinner there were organized activities we could participate in or we were allowed to use the pool and hot tub. We were also allowed to walk the campus but had to check in at nine p.m. for curfew.

The first evening, after dinner, I called Edward from the pay phone in the laundry room of the pool house. I hopped up on the counter and dialed according to the directions on the back of my calling card. Esme answered and I spent the first few minutes chatting with her. After the uneasy discussion I'd had with my own Mom, it was nice to talk to Esme. She made me promise I'd call again if I needed to talk some more and she handed the phone off to a very anxious Edward.

"Hey, Boo," he sighed.

"Hey, you."

"How's music camp so far?"

"Intense, but good."

"Intense? How?"

"Everything is accelerated because we only have a couple hours rehearsal every day and we're having a concert on Saturday. But it's more than just being in a classroom and singing. I'm taking ear training and sight singing, I'm even taking music theory. It's interesting. I feel like I've already learned a lot and it's only the first day."

Edward and I chatted for nearly twenty minutes before I realized how long I'd been on the phone. I apologized for having to cut our conversation short, but I promised to call him at the end of the week even if it was only for a quick hello. I wanted to hear his voice before he went off to baseball camp.

My week at music camp was so busy I didn't have the time to miss my parents or Edward. That didn't mean that I didn't think about them often. Taking music classes made me think of Edward constantly – wondering if it was something he knew or something that he would find interesting.

Before I knew it, Friday evening was upon us, and I found myself in my room getting ready for our Chamber music concert. Chamber meant that everything was concentrated into ensembles. Instead of an entire orchestra – there were smaller groups that performed individually - violins, cellos, flutes, clarinets, a string quartet, and a brass ensemble. The Choir was divided into a Men's ensemble and a Women's ensemble.

The women's ensemble only performed four short songs. I recognized and knew one of the songs from the All State Women's Choir. "The Lonesome Road" hadn't been one of my favorites that we sang, but it quickly became my favorite once the Choir Director, Dr. Miller asked me to try out to sing the solo. I was nervous about trying out as I stood in his office in front of three of the department's music professors, but Dr. Miller asked me to relax and sing from my heart.

I was elated to find out that I'd gotten the solo part.

I didn't bother to tell Mom about my solo. I wanted to save it for a surprise. While there was a program passed out for all the parents and family who attended the performance – my solo wasn't listed.

"Baby … I'm so proud of you. That was incredible!" Mom gushed.

Phil nodded with a huge grin on his face.

"I'm so buying the video tape and a recording of that," Mom smiled.

"Better order two of each … I know Dad will want to see and hear it."

The next day was our last day of camp and our Concert Finale was at two p.m. We had a brief rehearsal after breakfast, and then we were asked to clean up our rooms and have our parents pick up our things so we could have a quick departure after the concert.

It wasn't a long concert, but it was nice, and the amount of talent was amazing. The choir had only practiced for two hours a day for the past five days, but we sounded like we'd been singing together for years and it was an honor to be a part of such a talented group of singers.

To say that I walked away from that summer camp with a new appreciation for music was a gross understatement. Not only did I appreciate it more, but I fell completely in love with it. As I handed my room key over to one of the staff members, the director pulled me aside and asked me if I'd like to come back the following year.

"I'll think about it. Thank you so much for the offer."

I did want to think about it. It was already scheduled for June the following year. I'd be able to attend the music camp and still keep my promise to Edward. After telling him in a letter how much I'd enjoyed it, I was sure he'd understand me getting to Forks a little later than planned. The good thing was that camp was a week earlier and if I played my cards right – I could still make it to Forks in time for Edward's sixteenth birthday.

As I sat in Phil's truck on the drive back to Phoenix, I began to dread the fact that I had to pack up my room to move. Thankfully, Phil had hired movers again to move everything, but I still had to pack up all my books and clothes. We were going to have a huge yard sale after we moved – Mom and I wouldn't need all our old furniture. Phil's house was fully furnished – very tastefully for a bachelor I might add. But when we agreed to move in with him, he promised me that we could redecorate the bedroom that would eventually become mine –any way I wanted.

I left the next Sunday for volleyball camp. It was being held in Scottsdale, so it wasn't that far away. I'd be gone for two weeks, but I was looking forward to it. I knew that homesickness would probably kick in at some point. I couldn't talk to Edward because he was still at baseball camp. It was a different type of hurt knowing that I couldn't talk to him because of where we were as opposed to the hurt when he didn't want to talk to me.

I focused on what I came to camp to do. My days were filled with drills, running plays and practicing setting, spiking and serving. I pushed myself to the limit everyday – from the time I got up in the morning until I fell into bed at night. It honestly felt good to push myself. Every muscle in my body was aching at the end of the two weeks, but it hurt so good.

The week between volleyball camps, Mom and I moved out of our apartment and into Phil's house. My new bedroom was freshly painted, newly decorated, and waiting for me. The movers emptied all our old furniture into Phil's' garage, while most of the boxes went inside. It took me a couple days to organize my room the way I wanted, but when I was done, I took my note book and went out to lounge by the pool.

Edward must have known I was thinking of him. No sooner than I had begun to write his letter than Phil was telling me that Edward was on the phone.

"Hey, Boo."

"Hey … I was just thinking about you. I was working on your letter for today."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So how was baseball camp?"

"It was good. I learned a lot. They had me change positions – instead of playing shortstop they worked with me on pitching. They told me I had good form and a strong arm."

"That's great, Edward, but how do you feel about that? You loved playing shortstop."

"I like it. A lot. More than I thought I would."

"Good. So now you've got a new challenge huh?"

"Yup. How was volleyball camp?"

"Good." I replied.

I didn't want to tell him how hard I'd pushed myself everyday – he'd only scold me.

"I think between that camp and working out with the ASU team next week, we'll be in really good shape for the season."

"Thirsty for another MVP trophy, Boo?" he chuckled.

"No. That took me completely by surprise. I'm honored that my coaches thought so highly of me."

"Bella … you are really good. You just had to figure out what you were good at. This past year – you've really come into your own with dance, volleyball and music. You've grown so much but you're still the same sensitive, caring and sweet person you've always been, but Bella, never ever discount how good you are on the volleyball court."

"I don't want to be cocky about it. My teammates work just as hard as I do."

"I don't doubt that they do. But Bella, I don't think you have it in you to be like that. It's not who you are."

I sighed.

"I'm glad you called, Edward. I didn't know how badly I needed to hear your voice until I talked to you."

"I miss you, Bella."

"I miss you too, Edward. So fucking much."

Edward chuckled at my expletive.

"Eleven more months, Boo. Then I promise to make it worth both of our wait."

"That reminds me, Edward. There is something I need to tell you."

"As long as you don't tell me you've changed your mind."

Edward's voice was nearly a whisper and my heart stammered in my chest threatening to break. If I could have pulled him into my arms to hold him and tell him my news I would have; if only so I didn't have to hear the mixture of fear and disappointment in his voice. The fissures in my heart cracked open a little wider at the thought of the hurt expression on his handsome face.

"No … no, Edward. I've given you my word and … well … I know I've broken promises I've made to you before but I won't do it again. Your trust – your peace of mind and your faith in me matter too much. That said, what I need to tell you does affect when I move back to Forks."

I could hear Edward's breathing change on the other end of the line.

"Edward … relax, please? Don't panic, okay? I've been invited back to the music camp next year and I'd really like to go again. As far as I know there isn't anything like that in Washington. The final concert is on the eighteenth of June so I can fly up to Seattle on the nineteenth and be there in time for your birthday."

Edward exhaled sharply.

"You really thought I was going to say I'd changed my mind about moving didn't you?" I asked sadly.

"Yeah, a little."

I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Boo. I trust you … I do. I'm just …." He hesitated and I said the word for him.

"Scared?"

"Yeah."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I knew if I couldn't keep my voice steady it would reveal my emotions. Edward was honest with me and although it hurt – I deserved it because I'd hurt him.

"It's okay, Edward." I sniffled. "I deserve it, but I don't want you to ever be afraid of me."

"You're the only person who could ever truly hurt me, Bella."

Just when I thought my heart couldn't hurt any more …

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**See you next week!**


	13. Chapter 13

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my betas and pre-reader darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 - without these ladies, there wouldn't be much to read ;)

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

* * *

After my phone call with Edward, I felt more resolved than ever to move back to Forks. All these years and I thought I was the one suffering because Mom moved me from place to place. I knew Edward missed me, but I never thought that he was suffering as much as I was. One phone conversation where he told me he was scared and all his hurt and suffering came spilling out. We spoke a bit longer before saying our goodbyes, but that didn't keep me from calling him again that night before I went to bed just to make sure he was all right.

That Sunday, I left for a week long volleyball workshop. It was only across town, but we were staying in the dorms and spending all day – every day working on our skill sets. Edward also left for another baseball camp – only this time he was helping out the smaller kids. My heart panged thinking how adorable he'd be teaching the little ones how to hit. Edward was so patient and kind. He'd make a really good coach someday.

Phil came down to ASU a couple times over the course of the week to watch practices and offer moral support. He even brought my envelope full of letters from Edward. One evening, during our down time, I sat down on my bed and read his letters. The letter from the day following our phone conversation was full of remorse because he knew as soon as we hung up that I had broken down and cried.

_Bella,_

_All night long our conversation has played in my head on an endless loop. I couldn't see past my own fear in the moment to hear the sadness in your voice as we ended our call. I am so sorry, sweet girl. I never want to be the reason for your tears, nor do I want you to think I don't trust you. I'd like to think that I know you better than anyone, and if there is one thing that I'm sure of – it's the fact that you are truly remorseful for not being able to fulfill your promises to me. I want you to know that you are more than forgiven, Bella. If anyone needs to ask forgiveness, it's me because I've been holding your choices against you, and I had no right to ask you to choose me over your Mom. Please forgive me, Bella?_

_Have I told you how happy I am that you are moving back to Forks next summer? Not only am I happy about it but everyone else is too. Charlie has already begun to count down the days and Alice is over the moon happy. Emmett is sad that he'll miss out on going to school with you, but now that he and Rosalie are officially a couple, he'll be back on weekends whenever he can. Jasper seems indifferent, but I know it's just his cool demeanor and he'll be more excited as your arrival gets closer. My mom, however is a different story. I know she told you that she's happy you're coming back but I don't think you understood the depth of her excitement. Between her and Alice, Jazz and I may need straightjackets by the time you get here._

_I know by the time you get this letter you'll already be hard at work at your volleyball workshop. I meant what I said last night. You are an incredible volleyball player. I might be a little biased because I've only seen you play in one game but that was all I really needed to see to know how good you are. If you put your mind to something you can do anything. You've always been a little bit stubborn that way ;). _

_I have to get ready to go practice with Jazz and Emmett, so I'll wrap this up. Please know, sweet Bella that you are always in my thoughts._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

I had trouble reading the last of his letters because the tears were flowing freely at that point and I was helpless to stop them. I wanted to call and hear Edward's voice, but like me, he wouldn't be home until Sunday. I settled for writing him a long, mushy letter. I hoped that he wouldn't laugh too hard when he read it, but I had until Monday to change my mind before I mailed it off to him.

When Sunday actually came, I was exhausted. Phil and Mom took me out to lunch and by the time I got home, I was ready to pass out on my bed. I had been asleep for a little over an hour when Edward called me. He apologized for waking me and I talked to him for a few minutes before he realized that I wasn't going to be able to wake up enough to keep up with the conversation and he made me promise to call him later that evening.

Our conversation that evening was light and a little bit sweet. I noticed his terms of endearment in his letter and they honestly warmed my heart. I wanted to hear the words from his mouth and when he said goodnight to me that night, my wish came true.

"_Goodnight, sweet Bella."_

Mom, Phil and I went to Lake Havasu for a few days the following week. It was one last getaway before school started. It was nice to spend a couple days out on the water with no practice to worry about or scales running through my head.

I'd taken the summer off from dancing, and I was looking forward to picking it up again. Classes started the same week that school started. I was facing a huge challenge in trying to balance school, choir, dance, volleyball and piano lessons but I'd never know if I could do it unless I tried.

When school began, my days became a delicate balance of school and all my activities. I never knew that I could be the kind of girl who was athletic and musical all at the same time and even more – that I would actually enjoy it. I was still the bookworm I'd always been, but my book reading time had been severely cut.

Weekends were pretty much the only time I had free time and even then I used them to work on projects for school – or to try and get ahead in my classes to ease up my stress during the week. Sunday afternoons I looked forward to the most because that's when Edward and I had our weekly phone call. We talked during the week if we really needed it but we rarely talked for longer than twenty minutes.

My week was jam-packed. Afterschool, I had volleyball practice three times a week and games twice a week. Piano lessons and dance class were squeezed in after practice. Friday was the only day that wasn't hectic for me – provided there wasn't a football game. If the football team was playing at home, the choir usually sang the National Anthem before the game.

Phil and Mom always picked me up after a football game. I'd walk out of the gates to find them waiting for me in the parking lot but as long as it was light outside, I preferred to walk home. It was less than a ten minute walk – fifteen at the most if I had to wait for the lights to change.

My birthday passed quietly. Phil took us out to dinner and Mom insisted that I order my favorite dessert so that the wait staff could sing to me. I knew it made her happy and it would be the last birthday I'd spend with her for a while, so I allowed her indulgences.

Time truly passed in a whirlwind and before I knew it, Thanksgiving was two days away. The volleyball team had made it to the regional championships again, and Dad and the Cullen's were flying in the evening before Thanksgiving.

I trudged up to my teacher's desk to hand in my mid-term exam and she smiled weakly at me.

"Have a good holiday, Isabella and good luck at the game on Friday."

I muttered thanks and made my way out of the classroom. I bumped into my teammate, Stacie, on the way to my locker.

"Ugh … I am so ready for a day off already!"

"I hear ya. I mean I'm ready for the game on Friday, but I have a feeling it's going to be more brutal than last year."

"Yeah, but we're a much better team than we were last year. I personally think we've got this one in the bag."

Having confidence was one thing but being overly cocky wasn't good. I wanted to say something but off the court it wasn't my place. The Coaches had made me captain of the junior varsity team and it was something I could bring to the team's attention when we were on the court.

Practice that afternoon was rough. When Coach asked if I had anything to add when she was done talking to us, I let my opinion of being overly cocky known.

"We can't walk out on the court thinking that we have the trophy in our hands already. Being confident that we can work together as a team is our greatest advantage. This team comes first – I don't want to see any arrogance for personal gain out there on the court."

I had one class the day before Thanksgiving. It was World History and we had a mid-term to take in that class as well. Stacie was in class with me and she kind of gave me the bitch brow and I knew she wasn't happy about my comments after practice the night before. We'd been friends when I first started playing, but as of late – not so much. When class got out, I headed straight to my locker, dumped off my books and headed home for a few hours before I had to be back for practice.

Dad and the Cullen's were flying in that afternoon and their flight landed at four – exactly when I was supposed to be back at the school for practice.

Coach could sense there was a little tension between Stacie and me. She called both of us out on it and wanted to know what was going on. When I explained exactly why I'd made the comments I had the day before Coach understood. She had us run fifty laps around the gym once we'd finished practicing before she made us all sit in a huge circle in the middle of the gym. I noticed Edward and Carlisle sitting in the bleachers as I was running my laps around the gym. I wanted so badly to run over and give them both a quick hug but I didn't dare for fear that Coach would make me run twenty more.

The speech we got once we'd all sat in a circle made me rethink wanting to run twenty more laps but what was done was done. She gave us a verbal lashing about being too cocky because apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed it. After a good twenty five minute talk from Coach, she finally let us hit the locker room to change and get our stuff.

"See you ladies on Friday. I want you here with your game faces on. Anyone who can't act with any sort of dignity will be riding the bench. Understood?"

I was on my way out of the lockers when Stacie pulled me aside.

"I see your boyfriend's here," She grinned. "Maybe if you hit that you won't be so uptight about the game on Friday. You might want to look into that – but if you don't want to, I certainly will."

I rolled my eyes and pushed my way past her. We'd never been particularly close but we were teammates and usually played well together. I decided that I didn't want to dignify her with a response.

Edward and Carlisle were standing near the door waiting for me as I jogged over to them. I hugged Carlisle first and then Edward. I didn't linger in their embraces as I was still sweaty from practice but neither one of them seemed to care. Edward took my bag and swung it over his shoulder, and his pinky twined with mine as we began our walk home.

"It's nice that you live so close to the school, Bella. It's nice to be able to walk." Carlisle commented.

"Mmm …" I hummed. "It is nice. I've been pretty lucky with the last couple places that we've lived in that I can walk to school."

"Please tell me you don't walk alone at night, Bella." Edward chimed in.

"No, Edward. I know better than to do that, no matter how safe I feel this neighborhood is."

"Good girl," Carlisle chuckled.

When we arrived at the house, Mom and Esme were busy in the kitchen cooking dinner. Dad and Phil were in the living room talking about a football game that was going to be on the following day. I slipped into my room so I could take a quick shower before dinner and as I was pulling out a clean pair of sweats to put on, I felt a gentle hand on the small of my back.

"Bella …" Edward whispered.

He pulled me into his arms; into the embrace I'd longed for earlier. Edward buried his face in my neck as he held me tighter. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't allow any space between us.

"Edward …" I murmured against his skin. "I need to shower. I'm all sweaty and gross."

"'Kay."

"You can hang out in here if you want to while I'm in the shower. I won't be long, I promise."

My needy Edward was in my room waiting for me, and as the hot water cascaded down my back I thought about his embrace and his strong arms wrapped around me and how much feeling Edward had put into that one gesture. I knew that I'd have to give up my bed for Dad to sleep in and that Edward and I had once again been relegated to the living room.

I remembered when we went camping while we were visiting with Charlotte and Pete and my nightmares that caused Edward to worry so much he slept cuddled up next to me. I hadn't had nightmares like that in a long time, but I wasn't at all opposed to the cuddling part. I hoped that Edward wasn't either.

I walked back into my bedroom to find Edward lying back on the bed with his eyes closed, my radio playing softly on the nightstand next to him. I gently touched his hand and sat down on the bed next to him. A sweet smile played on his face as I played with his long fingers and drew circles on his knuckles.

"Hey, sweet girl."

"Hey," I whispered. "Tired?"

"No, just relaxing while I waited for you. Do you feel better?"

"Yes!" I giggled. "Loads better, and I bet I smell better too."

"Silly girl. We better go see if dinner is ready."

Dinner was wonderful. The food was good, but it was the company that made all the difference in the world. To have everyone I loved together again was more than I could have asked for.

That night, Edward and I arranged our feather beds and blankets on the living room floor. I wiggled down under my blankets and waited for Edward to come out of the bathroom so we could shut off the light. I closed my eyes for what I thought was only a moment when I felt the blankets shift next to me. My eyes flew wide open and the room was shrouded in darkness.

"Edward?"

"I'm right here, Bella. Did I wake you?"

"No. I was … I was waiting for you."

My hand found his in the darkness and he twined our fingers together.

"Will you come here and let me hold you?" Edward asked, his voice a mere whisper.

I wiggled my way into his embrace, reveling in the feel of his arms around me and his warm skin on mine.

"I've missed you." I whispered.

"I've missed you too, Boo."

I fell asleep in his arms; my back to his chest.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my mother shrieking in the kitchen and I could hear Dad and Esme vehemently arguing with her.

"Charlie! Those kids are fifteen years old – they should NOT be sleeping together as if they're a married couple. Do you have any idea what could happen if we encourage this behavior?"

"Oh, Renee … when did you become such a prude?" Esme asked hotly.

"Renee … Esme has a point. For the record, I know exactly what could happen if we encourage this behavior because I've been there too, Renee. Fortunately this is Bella and Edward we are talking about. Those kids have a connection that even I can't explain – a connection that I could only hope to find in this life, and they've had it since they were kids. When you left and took my daughter with you – you took everything. Edward tried his damnedest to fill the void you left behind. He became the son I never knew I wanted. He and I talked like Bella and I used to. I got to know him and I began to understand the connection he had with Isabella. I know him and I trust him with my daughter."

"If you know him so well, Charlie then maybe you understand what his intentions are as a fifteen year old boy. At that age, boys only want one thing and if you're half the father you want to be you'd agree that this – this 'friendship' is a bad thing. If we allow this – if we look the other way long enough, they'll end up just like us. Miserable and with a small child to raise. I want more for my daughter than that, Charlie."

"Bella's not you, Renee." Esme reminded her. "And Edward is not Charlie. You've got to look past your mistakes and have faith that we've taught our children well enough so that they don't repeat them. Those kids are two of the brightest people I know. They are sensitive, kind, respectful and most of all -loving. Edward's loved Bella from the first day that he met her – as much as I didn't want to believe it back then. They found something in each other that we can't begin to understand but I think they deserve to figure it out."

"Well, this is my house and I say absolutely not. Besides, Bella has a game tomorrow and she needs her rest."

"Actually, Renee …" Phil piped in. "This is MY house. I hate to play that card, sweetheart, but I'm going to have to agree with Charlie and Esme on this one. Bella is a smart girl, so what if she finds comfort in Edward? Their age doesn't have anything to do with that. Edward is intelligent too. I don't know him as well as I know Bella, but he's not stupid and neither is she. The past won't repeat itself through them."

"I think it may be best if Esme, Edward and I find a hotel to stay in until we leave on Sunday …" Carlisle began, but I wasn't having any of it.

"No!" I shouted bursting into the kitchen. "Carlisle, please no. I want you guys to stay here. I finally feel like I have my whole family together and it's so nice. I've really missed this whole holiday thing."

I turned to look at my Mom.

"Mom, I'm sorry that you think that Edward and I would jump into bed together and have sex the first chance we get. In case you didn't get the memo, Edward and I sleep like that just about every time he comes here to visit. We slept like that at Pete and Charlotte's when my nightmares were so bad they kept everyone else awake. It's comforting – not sexual. Dad gets it, Carlisle and Esme get it – hell even Phil gets it, so why don't you?"

I was so mad I was seething. Dad laid a comforting hand on my shoulder and stood next to me pulling me into his side in a show of support. I looked across the room at Carlisle and Esme and I watched as he put his arm around her and pulled him into his side – just like Dad had done to me. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and I had never wished more than I did in that moment that my Mom was more like Esme.

Phil looked more like a referee standing in the center of the argument and I felt sorry for him for only a moment but glad that he was learning what he was getting in to. Edward chose that moment to walk into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" he asked.

He had just gotten out of the shower and missed the majority of the argument. For that I was thankful, because I could only have imagined his reaction.

"Bella …" Mom pleaded.

"If the Cullen's leave, I'm going with them." I spoke firmly, standing my ground. She'd pushed too far and I wasn't going to take anymore.

I grabbed my hoodie from the night before off the back of the chair and walked out the back door and onto the deck. I walked out to the far edge of the yard and settled into one of my favorite spots. Phil had a lovely bench with an arbor over it – it offered a quiet place to sit and read if it wasn't too hot out.

I expected Edward to come outside after me, but I wasn't surprised when I saw Esme walking toward me. I looked up at her, tears falling furiously down my face.

"Oh, sweetheart." Esme whispered as she sat next to me and pulled me into her arms.

"Why … why is she like this?" I asked.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" Esme asked softly.

"Always."

"I think she's jealous, sweetheart. For so long Renee's wanted something that was all hers. She had your father but only for a brief while until he took over the mill from your grandfather. Then you were all she had, but the older you got the closer you and Edward became. So she removed you from the scenario where she had to share you. Then she found Phil and she probably felt like she had everything again. This past year you've done so well branching out and doing things outside of your comfort zone, and you've thrived with no help from anyone else – only our love and support. Now that she's getting married and you've decided to move back to Forks after the wedding she's losing again. She's well aware that there is a possibility of something more happening between you and Edward. There is probably more than a little bit of jealousy there because she knows full well the connection that you two have, and she doesn't have that. She might – but from the interactions I've seen between her and Phil I'd guess not."

"How? How can a parent be jealous of their own child? All I want is to be happy and Edward … he makes me happy. His friendship means more to me than anything. Edward has somehow managed to keep me sane after we moved – even from so far away."

"I know, sweetheart. I know." Esme cooed.

Eventually, Esme and I made our way back into the house, but Mom was nowhere to be found. She'd disappeared to her room and apparently didn't plan on coming out. Edward looked at me sadly and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Boo."

"No … don't you apologize, Edward Cullen. You did nothing wrong. Nothing."

"I know that, Bella. I'm sorry that your mom is the way she is. I'm sorry that she doesn't understand."

Phil, Esme, and I spent the majority of the day in the kitchen making dinner. After we'd gotten most of the side dishes done and the turkey in the oven, Edward and I decided to take a walk to the park.

"Need to clear your head, sweet girl?" Edward asked as we crumbled up bread and tossed it to the ducks.

"Yeah."

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you call me that?"

"Call you what?"

"Sweet girl."

I turned my head, wanting to see his face when he answered. A blush washed over his handsome features.

"Well … you're sweet and you're a girl, are you not?"

I giggled.

"I am."

"Well then, there you go."

Phil was just pulling the turkey out of the oven when we got home. Carlisle and Dad were pouring wine and putting the side dishes on the table.

"Wash your hands you two. Dinner's ready."

"Where's Mom?" I asked to no one in particular.

"She's won't be joining us," Phil said sadly.

I was a little sad, but I was still angry at her and I was determined not to let her spoil my time with Dad, Carlisle, Esme, and most of all, Edward. After dinner, I went out to the deck again and lay back on the lounger staring up at the sky. It was twilight – my favorite time of day. The sky was a myriad of colors and I felt like I was lost in a painting.

It helped me to clear my head. I knew it was important if I wanted to settle myself down enough to attempt to sleep and I needed a good night's sleep with my game the following day. Everyone must have known that I needed the time alone. No one bothered me and when I finally went back in the house was dark except for the glow of the TV. My Dad was sitting on the couch watching the final scores from the day's games.

"Where is everyone?" I asked quietly.

"Oh hey, baby girl. How are ya?"

"I'm okay, Daddy. Carlisle, Esme and Edward didn't leave did they?"

"They thought about it … Phil talked them out of it. He's a pretty decent guy. I think it's killing him to go against your Mom's wishes but he's level headed."

"So … if they didn't leave where are they?"

"They've gone to bed, baby girl. It's after ten."

"Where's Edward?"

"He's in your room. Go roust him out so I can go to bed. Tomorrow's a big day and we can all use a good night's sleep."

"'Kay," I smiled as we both stood from the couch.

Dad pulled me into a quick hug and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, baby girl."

Edward and I slept in the living room again that night. I didn't sleep in his arms no matter how much I ached to. I lay awake in the dark listening to his quiet breathing beside me – our hands tangled together. I waited until his breaths became deep and steady and then I broke down and cried.

I ended up having to take a nap before my game the following afternoon. I claimed that I hadn't slept well due to being worried about the game, and Edward was the only one who didn't buy it. Mom had yet to come out of her room, and I knew that she would be the only person who wouldn't attend my game that evening.

I forced all melancholy thoughts out of my head as I made my way into the gym with Edward by my side. He carried my bag for me as far as the locker room door before he gave me a tight hug and a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth.

"Good luck, Boo."

"Thanks."

I walked into the locker room and the air was filled with chatter. A stark difference from the game we'd played a year prior.

**EPOV**

I could see the nerves on Bella's face as she turned away from me and walked into the locker room. I was worried about how well she'd play after the shit that went down the previous day with her mom. I didn't talk to Bella too much about the argument that went on in the kitchen while I was in the shower, but my Mom and Dad gave me a recap. It didn't help that Renee disappeared to her room after Bella hollered at her and she hadn't been seen since.

I walked back toward the bleachers to join Charlie and my parents and I passed one of Bella's teammates along the way.

"Hey," She smiled. "You're Edward, right?"

"Umm, yeah."

"I'm Stacie, nice to meet you."

"You too."

"My pleasure, Edward. I'm sure pleasure isn't something you're getting from that frigid bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"Bella …."

"Look, I don't know you, nor do I want to. Bella's the most amazing person I know, and if you weren't such a bitch yourself, you'd know that. It's been a long couple of days for her and I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your focus on the game."

It was so unlike me to call a girl such a foul name, but my Dad always told me 'if the shoe fits … wear it'. She didn't look shocked so I assumed it wasn't the first time that someone had said that to her face. I was fuming mad that she had the audacity to say such vile things. She didn't know the first thing about me, and it was blatantly obvious that she didn't know Bella.

I walked back toward the bleachers and took my seat between Mom and Charlie. I worried for Bella that Stacie would say something to her to throw her off her game and that was the last thing my Bella needed. I was so angry at Renee that she couldn't pull her head out of her ass long enough to realize that even though they'd fought – Bella needed her here.

I was a bit numb as they went through all the pre-game formalities but I got my focus back as soon as Bella stepped out onto the court. From far away she seemed relaxed and confident, but when her eyes met mine – they told a different story. Bella was hurting and I was helpless to stop it.

Bella took her position as server for the Spartans and I watched as the ball sailed over the net and it volleyed back and forth for several minutes before the opposing team attacked earning them the first point of the game.

The Spartans were down by five points before they finally managed to score. I watched Bella carefully checking for changes in her demeanor. She remained the same and I could only imagine what it took for her to keep her composure. Thankfully, she had some exemplary teammates who were helpful and just as good at the game as Bella was. They ended up winning the first set 25-22.

The two teams took a short break before beginning the second set.

After a pep talk from their Coach, Bella and her teammates took to the court and took their positions. Bella was playing opposite and watched as the ball hurtled toward her. Bella set it for her teammate next to her. The Spartans scored with a kill. Stacie served and they volleyed the ball back and forth until they caught the opposing team's middle blocker off guard and scored. In that moment, I watched as the opposing team's resolve crumbled around them. The next few serves, they made mistake after mistake. They called for a time out and Bella's Coach huddled her team together.

I couldn't hear what their coach was telling them, but I'm sure she offered up encouragement and told them not to be overly confident because they hadn't won the title yet.

Unfortunately the time out didn't help the other team. The Spartans won the second set 25-14.

The referee's called a short break to sweep the floors. I watched as Bella's coach wrapped her arm around her shoulders. I obviously couldn't hear what she was saying but I could see Bella wiping her face and nodding.

_Please, God just let her get through the next set._

Coach clapped Bella on the shoulder and she followed her teammates back out to the court. The opposing team served and we watched as the ball volleyed back and forth several times. It seemed like both teams took turns scoring every few minutes. Bella took her place as server and took a deep breath. She raised the ball in her hand preparing to serve before she took the ball in both hands and lowered it again. Bella looked down at her feet and her chest was heaving. My Mom reached over and grasped my hand. She turned to look at me but I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella.

"Edward … what's she doing?" Charlie asked nervously. "This isn't like her."

"Something's wrong." I told them.

**BPOV**

_Don't look in the stands … don't look in the stands._ I chanted to myself.

I was worried that if I looked over at Edward and saw the concern in his eyes that I was positive was there – I'd want to run to him and beg him to take me in his arms and keep me there until everything bad in my life was good again. But I knew that I wouldn't do that to him. I couldn't depend on him to hold me up – I had to hold my own.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes – shutting out everything but my Coach's words.

"_You can do this, Bella. You are stronger than you know. Believe in yourself and see the fire that everyone else sees. Put that fire into your game."_

Her words were just what I needed in that moment. I opened my eyes and raised the ball and served with what I hoped was enough fire to get it over the net into the other team's court. I jumped into position and waited. That one play seemed to happen in slow motion. My teammates and I watched as the ball sailed into their territory and right through their hands before hitting the floor.

"Ace!" The referee yelled.

Cheers sounded around me and I received several claps on the shoulder and a few high fives. We'd won the third set 25-23 and the championship for the second year in a row.

"Good job, Bella!" Coach said, clapping me on the shoulder like my teammates.

I was so happy and incredibly sad at the same time. I fell down to my knees and cried – right there on the court. I didn't care who saw me. I wanted my Mom. I wanted her to tell me I played a good game. I don't know how long I stayed that way, but when I broke out of my stupor, it was my Dad's arms around me that grounded me.

"We're here, baby girl." He crooned.

"But … but Mom …."

"She's here, Bella. She saw the entire game."

"She did?" I sobbed.

"Yes, baby girl. Phil loves you too and he made sure that she didn't miss it."

I looked around and saw Edward sitting next to Dad with a concerned look on his face. Phil, Mom, Esme and Carlisle were all looking over at us from their seats on the bleachers.

I could hear voices over the PA System and I saw Coach and my teammates accepting the championship trophy.

"Go on, baby girl. You deserve to be up there with the rest of them. You earned it."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up from Dad's lap. Edward was right there ready to reach out and steady me if I faltered. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it to let him know that I was okay for the moment. I didn't bother to try smiling because he'd only see through it.

I took a deep breath and joined the rest of my team.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**

**Thank you for reading. =)**


	14. Chapter 14

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

HUGE thanks to my friends, betas and pre-reader – darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971. You ladies are the BEST!

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

* * *

No one mentioned my little breakdown on the court after the game - not my family, my friends, my teammates, my Coaches – no one.

I went to the locker room and changed before going back to the gym. I was nervous about facing my mom and what I'd say to her. I stood behind what I said to her, and I wasn't about to apologize. I wondered if she would apologize.

Edward and Esme were waiting outside the locker room when I walked out. Edward took my bag while Esme pulled me into her arms.

"I love you, sweetheart. You played an amazing game tonight. I hope that you are proud of how well you played."

God, I loved Esme. She knew exactly what I needed to hear.

I nodded and turned to Edward. His expression was still full of worry. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he opened his arms for me. I breathed in his clean, sweet smell and murmured into his chest.

"I'm all right, Edward. I'm not perfect, but I'm all right."

I felt his body relax slightly at my words, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead before resting his chin on the top of my head. I realized that he'd gotten much taller since I'd seen him at the beginning of the summer.

"My mom's right, you know. You were amazing tonight, Bella."

His velvety voice washed over me and Edward warmed me from the inside out with his words.

"Come on, sweetheart. Your dad wants to take you out to dinner." Esme urged softly, breaking Edward's and my embrace.

"Where's my mom?" I asked.

"Outside with Phil, Charlie, and my Dad." Edward replied.

After telling my coaches and teammates I'd meet them at our favorite burger place, we walked outside. Phil was standing with his arm around Mom, while Dad and Carlisle were debating which football team would win the next day.

Mom looked awful. Her makeup didn't cover the dark purple circles around her eyes or the bags below them. She smiled as we approached and she looked like she wanted to run to me and hug me like Esme had earlier, but she held back.

I could feel Edward's hand grasp the shirt at my back. I didn't know if it was out of anger or worry but I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

"So … shall we go to dinner? I hear we have a victory dinner to attend." Dad grinned – his pride shining through.

"I'm not really up to it, but you guys go ahead." Mom said tiredly.

"Mom …" I argued.

"It's okay, sweetie. We'll talk later. I want you to go and enjoy. I'll be thinking about you."

I hated that Mom didn't want to join us – especially after she made the effort to come to the game.

"Tired, kiddo?" Dad asked as we drove to the restaurant.

"Exhausted."

"I bet," Dad chuckled.

For the next few hours, I tried to forget my disagreement with my mom and enjoy myself.

Most of my teammates from the previous year remembered Edward, and once again, they welcomed him right into our dynamic. He held my hand under the table, and the contact comforted me.

Stacie, who had been nasty to me prior to the game, was ignoring me altogether. I had a few more practices and maybe a couple more games with her and then I was done. Thankfully, she had a different set of friends than I did off the court.

Dinner was fun – we talked about the season and some of our funny and not so funny moments. Coach mentioned how sad she'd be to see so many of us moving to Varsity the following year.

"Looking forward to Varsity next year, Bella?" Coach asked as we walked out of the restaurant.

"Oh, umm … I hadn't really thought about it."

"Why not?"

"I … uhh … I won't be here next year. As soon as school is out, I'm moving to Washington to live with my Dad."

"That's wonderful, Bella! We sure will miss you around here though. Are you going to play volleyball in Washington?"

"I want to, so I hope so."

"Good."

That night, I collapsed onto my makeshift bed on the floor. Edward knew I was tired and he gave me plenty of space. I also knew he didn't want to add fuel to my Mom's fire.

The next day, Edward was still sleeping when I woke up. He looked so young and vulnerable. I couldn't help myself, so I lay next to him and watched him sleep. All the worry lines that had taken up residence on his face since Thursday morning were gone. I realized that I'd give anything to see him smiling and happy. The gears in my head began to crank as I worked out what to do that day.

I snuck out of the living room and into the kitchen where I heard voices whispering.

"Good morning, baby girl." Dad smiled.

"Morning."

"Did you get some rest, sweetheart?" Esme asked sweetly.

"Yeah," I yawned.

"So what's on the agenda for today, baby girl?"

"Well … I thought I'd take Edward to the batting cages and then maybe we can spend the afternoon at the Zoo?"

"He'll like that," Carlisle nodded.

Esme and Phil made a huge spread for breakfast and everything was so good. Edward loved my idea for the batting cages – his face lit up when I mentioned it. Phil volunteered to take us and bring us back to pick up Dad, Carlisle, and Esme to go to the Zoo.

Edward and I spent a couple of hours at the batting cages. I mostly watched because I sucked, but Edward was really good. Phil was impressed.

"He's really good."

"Yeah, he is. He also puts in a lot of practice. He says he can always be better."

Phil chuckled.

"Yet I have a feeling he'd give it all up for you."

"I'd never ask him to do that."

"You wouldn't have to. Edward's a good kid. He's smart, polite and good looking; but more than that, he's fiercely loyal. That won him huge brownie points in my book."

"Why?" I asked.

"Edward talked to your Mom yesterday while you were sleeping. She asked me to stay and Edward allowed it. He loves you, Bella. I think everyone sees it but you."

"Oh, God. What did he say?"

"Everything she needed to hear. How much her actions and words hurt you; how you put your happiness aside to be with her."

"He said that?"

"Yes. He also told her how lucky she is that you've stayed with her as long as you have. Edward said he'd have given anything for you to have stayed in Forks when she left Charlie. That boy would do anything for you, Bella."

I nodded, knowing it wasn't the first time Edward came to my defense.

I looked over at Edward as he was finishing up. He picked up his extra bat and took off his helmet as he walked toward me.

"Meet you guys outside," Phil grinned as he started for the exit.

"Hey, Slugger, you good?" I asked as Edward joined me.

"Yeah, thanks. You didn't get too bored watching, did you?"

"No," I giggled. "Phil and I talked a bit."

"Ahh … nothing too heavy, I hope?"

"He told me you talked to my mom."

Edward sighed.

"Please don't be mad at me, Bella." He begged.

"I'm not mad, Edward. I'm … thankful."

"You are?"

I nodded.

"Your mom told me she was trying to protect you – not hurt you. I promised her that I will always be respectful of you, and I will protect you as long as you'll let me."

"I'll always let you," I promised, hugging him tight.

We turned in his bats and helmet and joined Phil outside in the car. Esme and Carlisle were packing snacks in a cooler when we got back to the house.

Edward wanted to take a quick shower and I wanted to change before we went to the Zoo. It wasn't far from the house and we were there in no time at all.

"Ooh! Giraffes!" I squealed as I looked at the Zoo map.

Carlisle and Dad both chuckled at my excitement.

"If you hurry – they're doing a giraffe encounter in fifteen minutes." Esme smiled.

We walked over to the giraffe encounter, and while there were a few people waiting, the line wasn't bad.

"They're so pretty." I whispered.

"There is something majestic about them." Edward agreed.

Esme stood behind us snapping picture after picture. When it was our turn she continued snapping.

"Get closer you two!" Esme demanded. "Act like you're giving it a kiss."

Edward and I did as instructed.

"Awww, that will be so cute."

Edward finally tore me away and we made our way to the next exhibit. We saw the otters and lemurs - they were so funny. We even rode the camels which was quite an experience. Edward's favorite was the orangutans. They were so smart but still had the ability to make us laugh. Esme fell in love with the elephants - calling them the 'gentle giants'. They too were very majestic looking. The last exhibit we saw was the stingrays. Dad and Carlisle were awestruck by them.

"Reach your hand in there and pet them, Boo."

"No way! Are you crazy?"

Edward laughed.

"No, Bella. It's really cool, come on ... try it."

"Uhh uh ... no way, Edward."

"Please?" Edward asked, sticking out his lower lip and giving me puppy dog eyes. "I'll hold your hand."

"Edward ... please, don't. I really don't want to. I appreciate the thought that you'd hold my hand, but it really does scare the shit out of me."

Being honest with him was the only way I'd get him to stop begging me. I knew that he'd never push me if he knew how scared I truly was.

"Okay, Boo. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

He took my hand and tugged me into a nearby gift shop. We looked around for a few minutes. Esme joined us, and together she and I ooh'd and ahh'd over cute little things. When we had our fill, we went back outside to rejoin Dad and Carlisle. Edward snuck up behind me and grabbed my waist - making me squeal and jump.

"Edward!"

I turned to him and he pulled out two stuffed giraffes joined together at the lips. They had little magnets holding them together and they were adorable.

"For me?" I whispered.

Edward nodded with a shy smile.

"Edward, you didn't have to buy me anything."

"I know, but I saw them and thought of you … of us."

"Of us?" I asked raising a brow at him.

"Yeah … how I'd like to kiss you again like that one day. One day soon, I hope," he said softly.

If we weren't standing there with our parents just feet from us, I would have kissed him like he wanted because he was so adorable in that moment, and his words were melting my heart. Instead, I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek and whispered.

"Soon."

We stopped for dinner on our way home from the Zoo. We'd had such a nice afternoon that no one wanted to bother going home to cook. Phil and Mom had gone to his sister Sam's house and called to say they'd be staying for dinner. I had a key to get into the house, so it didn't matter when we got home. We lingered at dinner, but we didn't get home too late. We stopped at the store on the way home and bought all the fixings for ice cream sundaes – hot fudge, marshmallow crème, caramel, bananas, whip cream, M&M's, nuts, and cherries.

Carlisle scooped the ice cream while Esme sliced the bananas. Edward and I set out the other toppings, and Dad was the first one to build his huge sundae. Edward chose a movie and popped it into the VCR before we all settled down into our seats. I sat next to Edward and cuddled up with my favorite blanket while we shared a sundae.

He chose _The Pelican Brief_ and I was glad. I'd seen it before as well as read the book and it was one of my favorites. I was so full from dinner and the sundae; and so cozy under my blanket that I didn't really notice when my eyes got heavy and I fell asleep leaning against Edward's shoulder. The next thing I knew, I was being gently tucked into my blankets on the floor.

"Goodnight, Bella. Sweet dreams, sweet girl." Edward whispered against my skin.

"Goodnight, Edward," I murmured.

Something jolted me awake, and it took a few moments for me to realize it was the wind whipping outside. It was just settling down when I realized I needed the bathroom. When I came back, Edward was sitting up, wide awake.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. The wind woke me up."

"Oh. Yeah, it sounds like it's really blowing out there."

I snuggled back down into my blankets while Edward stayed where he was.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

"Yeah, just worried about you. I hate falling asleep next to you only to wake up and find you gone."

"I had to go pee, Edward." I whispered.

"Oh, well, I wouldn't want you to float away."

I giggled.

"Come here, Edward."

He moved over closer to me and I snuggled up next to him, laying my head on his arm and tangling our fingers together.

I only had a few precious hours left with him and I wanted to be as close as possible.

.~*~.NLG.~*~.

"See you in a few weeks, Bella," Esme sniffled as we said goodbye at the airport.

"Yep. You're picking me up, right?" I asked.

"Of course, sweetheart, we wouldn't miss it."

I was flying into Seattle late on Christmas night. I wanted to spend Christmas with both of my parents so this was our compromise. Dad was at the Mill taking care of some business so he could take a couple days off while I was visiting. Carlisle, Esme and Edward graciously volunteered to pick me up at the airport.

"I'll miss you, Boo," Edward murmured into my neck as he hugged me tightly.

"I'll miss you too, Slugger."

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas ran together. Volleyball practice, games, dance rehearsal, recitals, choir practice, concerts, studying, and finals. I went from one thing to another as if I was on autopilot. I couldn't wait for one thing to be over only to move on to the next.

The junior varsity volleyball team made it to the state championships once again and this time we played really well, winning two sets and ultimately losing to the better team. The loss was a bit devastating because we only lost by one point and it was on my serve.

Things were still a bit rocky between Mom and me. I was waiting for an apology that would never come. Every time I tried to talk to her, she'd dance around the subject and then retreat to her room or claim she had to run errands. Phil confirmed my fears one evening as he drove me home from practice.

"She's not going to apologize, Bella. She's sticking to her guns." Phil explained.

"Well, I'm sticking to mine too, and I'm not going to apologize either."

Phil nodded.

"Just between you and me, Bella, you have nothing to apologize for. I can't tell your Mom that though. She already thinks that the world is against her because she is the only one who feels that the relationship you share with Edward is wrong."

"I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't mean for you to get caught in the middle of all this."

"Don't apologize, Bella. You didn't do anything wrong. I feel like I'm saying that a lot, but it's the truth. Don't let it get to you and keep being the fantastic kid that you are."

"Thanks, Phil."

One evening, a few days before Christmas, I was sitting in my room listening to music and studying. My mom appeared in the doorway. She was wearing a set of festive pajamas and had her hair up in a ponytail. It crossed my mind that how she looked now was how I'd probably look in eighteen years. With her hair up, she looked younger – more vibrant than she'd looked since Thanksgiving.

"Hey, baby. I thought maybe since Phil's at his faculty Christmas party that you and I could pop some popcorn and watch a couple movies on the couch?"

"Mom … it's been three weeks and you've been putting off talking to me about what you said on Thanksgiving. Are you saying that you want to talk about it now?"

"No … I'm saying that I want to eat some popcorn and watch movies with my daughter."

"Why would you want to do that Mom? I'm still angry with you. I'm still waiting for you to apologize for what you said – for not trusting me. I know that Edward talked to you and while I don't know everything that he said – I know it was enough to get you to my game that night."

"Bella … I really don't want to get into this."

"Get in to what, Mom? The fact that you disagree with every other adult in my life? Or is the real problem the fact that I'm going to live with Dad when school is out?"

"I don't understand why you can't stay here, Bella."

"You don't need me anymore, Mom. You've got Phil. Why don't you want to try to enjoy your new husband and everything a new marriage entails? I'll be fine with Dad. I want to go."

"Do you want to go to be with your Dad or to be with Edward?"

"Honestly? Both. I miss Dad, I miss Edward, and I miss my friends in Forks. I can't wait to find out what it's going to be like to go to high school with Edward, Alice, and Jasper."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I love Dad. What kind of question is that?"

"No, Bella. Not your Dad … Edward. Do you love Edward?"

I sat quietly for a moment.

"Yeah. I think I do. He makes me feel … special … and beautiful. Edward reminds me that I'm both of those things. He's good to me, Mom. I wish you could see past your prejudices against him and see how the little boy that I used to play in mud with everyday has grown up."

Mom entered my room and sat down on the bed.

"He loves you … he loves you so much, Bella. I see that without him saying a word. But he's always loved you. When he followed you around when you were little; I noticed. You could do no wrong in his eyes, but he knows you're not perfect and he accepts that. Edward would do anything for you – anything. He came and talked to me while you were sleeping – the day of your regional championship game. Did you know that?"

I nodded.

"I did, Mom. Both Edward and Phil told me about it."

"He told me that you've given up so much to stay with me because you thought I needed you. I did need you, Bella. You're my daughter – I'll always need you but most of all I need you to be safe."

"I am safe, Mom. I'll be just as safe living with Dad as I would be living here with you and Phil. Besides, do you really think that Dad or Edward would let something happen to me?"

"He did promise that he'd take care of you."

"He will."

That was the end of our conversation. Mom never did apologize. She simply stood up and walked out of my room. I rose from my desk and closed the door to my room. I flopped back on my bed and cried. I cried because I was heartbroken at the fact that she couldn't find it in her heart to say she was sorry. I picked up my phone and dialed Edward. I needed to hear his voice for the comfort it brought me. I felt bad for being so upset when I called him, but I knew he'd want me to call if I needed to talk. Edward worked his magic as usual, and before I knew it, my eyes were getting heavier and heavier. I wished him a good night and promised I'd see him in a few days.

Christmas Day was subdued. Phil and I made breakfast together after we'd ripped into the small pile of presents under the tree. Mom insisted that we get dressed up and take 'family pictures' together after breakfast. If that made her happy – I was all for it.

I had to be at the airport by one. My plane was scheduled to leave a little after two, and I was anxious to leave. I had my backpack slung across one shoulder and my suitcase and a bag filled with Christmas gifts in the other.

"We'll see you in a couple weeks, sweetie. Love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

I settled down in my seat for the three hour flight, pulling out my book and curling up with the sweatshirt Edward had given me. I had nearly finished my book when I realized the flight attendant was asking everyone to stow their personal belongings and return their seats to the upright position. When I deplaned, it was all I could do not to go running down the jet way.

I was met by three of my favorite people with huge smiles on their faces.

"Merry Christmas, Bella!" Carlisle and Esme chimed happily.

"Merry Christmas, Boo." Edward whispered in my ear.

"Merry Christmas." I smiled. "I'm glad to be home."

"Six more months and it'll be permanent." Edward grinned.

"You don't know how good that sounds."

He really didn't.

I enjoyed every moment I had with my Dad and the Cullen's that year. I had no idea how much I'd come to cherish the happy times in the coming months.

* * *

**A/N: I just want to throw this out there as a pre-warning – the next chapter contains some pretty heavy stuff. There is a scene of abuse and it may be a little graphic for more sensitive readers. If such situations may be a trigger for you, I suggest not reading it. It wasn't easy to write and surely it's not easy to read. If you need to skip the chapter, feel free to PM me and I'll be more than happy to gloss over it for you and I hope that you'll pick up with the next chapter. This is where the story gets a little bumpy, folks. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, and that is so true in Bella's case. Hang in there … y'all know I live for a HEA. =)**

**Thoughts?**


	15. Chapter 15

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to my wonderful team – darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 – these ladies are awesomesauce! =D

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

* * *

**WARNING**: _If you are sensitive to issues concerning rape or any type of sexual abuse, I strongly suggest skipping over this chapter_.

* * *

_Three Months Later …._

March 1996

"Bella! Don't forget that you have to pack this afternoon when you get home from school. We're picking you up tomorrow and going straight to the airport."

Mom had been reminding me of the same thing all week long. Spring Break started Friday at noon, and we were heading to Mexico for Mom and Phil's wedding. Mom insisted that her second wedding be as different from her first wedding as possible. She married my Dad in a church, and now she was going to marry Phil on a beach.

I was actually looking forward to lounging on the beach and catching up with some of my reading. Mom promised that I wouldn't have to think about homework while we were gone. Since January, I'd been so busy. Preparations for Spring Concert season were in full swing. I tried out again for State Honor Choir and for the second year in a row, I made both Women's Honor Choir and State. We had rehearsals every Saturday, and we were only allowed to miss one. I would miss that week.

I had about two and a half months of school left until summer vacation, and I was counting down the days until I moved back to Forks. I was also planning on going to Music Camp again, and I'd already turned in my scholarship packet; it had been approved and I'd sent in the deposit.

"I know, Mom! See you tonight."

I waved as Phil pulled out of the driveway. He would drop me off at school and then go on to work.

It was a gorgeous day outside, and had I not been running late that morning, I would have walked to school. Mom handed me a letter that had come the day before as I was running out the door. It was from Alice and I hadn't heard from her in a while. She had taken a job at the local coffee shop and from what Edward had told me, she and Jasper were getting pretty serious. Like thinking about taking the next step serious.

I couldn't help the grin on my face as I opened her letter. It was folded up like one of the letters we'd pass in class. Two pages – I was impressed.

Alice's words confirmed Edward's suspicions. Jasper had taken her to the ball field late one night and she gave him her virginity in a dark and dirty dugout.

"_It wasn't romantic but it was completely us and couldn't have been more perfect_."

I couldn't even begin to imagine. I began to wonder if Edward wanted me that way and I pushed the thoughts right out of my head knowing that Edward would never want me so exposed.

"_It hurt so bad - neither of us knew what we were doing. I cried, but Jasper held me in his arms and whispered that he loved me._"

I could imagine Jasper doing just that. He was such a boy, but when it came to Alice, he'd do anything she asked him to.

I missed my friend. I could imagine Alice's voice speaking to me through her letter as if she were sitting next to me telling me all about it. There wasn't anything Alice wouldn't tell me, but I knew when my time came, the girl talk would be minimal because I hoped it would be with someone special and I'd want to keep those moments close to my heart and not share them with anyone except the person I was with.

The second page of Alice's letter was about catching me up with things going on in Forks. Edward and Jasper were both playing baseball – only they'd been moved up to the Varsity team.

"_You've got to see Edward play, Bella. He's amazing_."

Little did she know, but I was planning on making a whirlwind trip to Forks in April to do just that. I'd convinced my Dad that he needed to get me a ticket so I could come up and see Edward play. The concert for Honor Choir had been moved to the middle of April, so I was planning to go the following weekend. Edward had an away game that weekend, but thankfully it was in Sequim, and it would be easy to get to.

I breezed through my day, feeling uplifted after reading Alice's letter and thinking about my trip to Forks. I had book club afterschool that day, but we discussed what we were reading quicker than I thought we would and I was out of there fifteen minutes early.

Little did I know how much those fifteen minutes would affect my life.

I walked out of the school and began my short journey home. I wasn't surprised that I had to stop and wait for the light to turn so I could walk safely across the crosswalk. It was an everyday occurrence and it didn't bother me in the least.

I wanted to call Edward that afternoon while I was packing. I knew I had to wait because he was still at practice, but I went over in my head the things that I wanted to talk to him about while I walked. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings because I was lost in my own head. It wasn't often that it happened, but every once in a while, it did.

I was so lost, in fact, that I didn't notice the front door was ajar. I walked in and put my things down on the bench and walked toward the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge when I heard loud grunts and whimpers coming from the hallway.

"Mom?"

A foreign voice muttered expletives, and I heard what sounded like a slap and a thud on the ground before I looked up to see a big, blond haired man stalking toward me. He looked dirty and unkempt. The fly on his jeans was undone. Before I could notice much else, he grabbed my arm and pushed me into the wall of the hallway.

"Well aren't you a pretty little thing? You're even prettier than your momma, and I bet you're tighter too. Since I'm done with her, I think I'll have you before I go."

I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed as loud as I could before he slapped his hand over my mouth. I tried fighting against him, but it was no use – he was too strong and at least three times my size. He pushed me into my bedroom and down on the bed. I continued to kick and scratch against him, but he laughed and told me I was a feisty little bitch. He put his knee in the center of my back and I heard a tearing sound. I would later find out that it was duct tape he used to bind my hands together behind my back and cover my mouth with. He also used it to bind my ankles together.

He pulled me up off the bed and told me he was going to have a better time with me than he had with my Mom. The tears poured down my face – hot and heavy. My eyes were still squeezed shut and since I couldn't scream, all I could do was picture Edward's sweet face and pray that he knew how much I loved him because at that point I didn't know if I'd ever be able to tell him.

Hot hands that were all wrong hastily groped my breasts. My shorts were pulled down to my bound ankles leaving me in my skimpy thong.

I heard yelling and my assailants body fell heavily on mine. The thin fabric of my thong not enough to shield me from his filth.

"Bella? Bella! Oh, God, sweetheart, please be okay … please be okay."

Phil's voice was frantic as he pushed the heavy body off of me and picked me up off the floor. I'd bumped my head on the end of my bed when I fell and I was in and out of consciousness.

I remember waking up in a hospital bed – the florescent lights hurt my eyes and my head was throbbing. I looked over to see Phil sitting next to my bed, his head in his hands. He looked up and his eyes met mine and I saw the tears pouring out of them.

"Oh, God, Bella … I'm so sorry."

Phil reached his hand out to me and I lifted my own pulling it away from him. It hurt and I could see the IV that was attached and the bandages that were wrapped around my wrists.

"What happened?" I croaked

Phil's eyes filled with more tears and I had never been more afraid of his answer.

"Where's Mom?" I asked.

"She's in surgery, sweetie. I'm your nurse, Suzie. You need anything – anything at all, you just holler."

"Is she?"

Suzie looked over at Phil and he just nodded in response.

"She's lost a lot of blood and she's got a few broken bones. Nothin' we can't fix. Now you just lie back and relax for me, okay? Does your head hurt?"

I nodded.

"All right, I'm gonna bring you back some pain pills. You got yourself a mild concussion. You just rest there, sweetie."

I looked back over at Phil who was still holding the edge of my bed as if it were a lifeline.

"Phil?"

"Your Dad is on his way, Bella."

I nodded as the memories of the past few hours flooded my brain and I knew … I knew there was no way I'd be staying in Phoenix. I never wanted to walk into that house ever again. They couldn't make me.

Suzie came back with some pills a few minutes later and I swallowed them quickly, hoping they would put me to sleep and I could escape the horror of what happened if only for a little while.

When I woke again a few hours later, Phil was gone, and my Dad was sitting in the chair that Phil had vacated. Carlisle was sitting on the sofa pouring over what seemed to be my medical chart.

"They did a rape kit, Charlie. She wasn't …." He trailed off as if he knew my eyes were on him.

Carlisle's voice was soft, but to me it was as if he were yelling.

"Yeah, Phil said he didn't think he had gotten that far … he beat him with a bat and she hit her head when she fell."

"Daddy …." I sobbed.

Dad jumped right out of his chair and pulled me into his arms as gently as he could.

"I wanna go home, Daddy. I wanna go home."

"We will, baby girl, we will. Carlisle came with me to take over your care, and as soon as he gives us the word, we'll be on the first plane out of here."

I nodded as I continued to sob into his shirt.

Carlisle came to the other side of my bed and sat gingerly on the edge.

"Carlisle … you can't tell Edward. He doesn't need to know what happened. It would kill him, please?" I begged.

"Bella, he's my son …. As your doctor, I took an oath of patient confidentiality but he's going to wonder why I came down here with Charlie on a moment's notice."

Carlisle reached out to push my hair away from my face and I flinched away from his touch. He sighed and shot Dad a worried look.

My release papers were signed a couple days later. The day after the 'incident' I was still having some slight problems with my vision and had bad reactions to bright lights. My head continued to throb more from the concussion than from the five inch gash on my forehead. Carlisle assured me they had done an excellent job stitching me up and promised me that scarring would be minimal. He'd never know just how deep my scars would run.

Carlisle stayed with me while Dad went back to the house and packed up some of my clothes. I'd need new clothes when I got to Forks, but in the meantime I needed something to wear on the way there. He managed to find my favorite pair of sweats and the hoodie that Edward had given me. He brought me a clean bra and panties and I didn't even want to think about my Dad rooting around in my underwear drawer. Unfortunately that was the least of my worries.

"How's my Mom?" I asked Carlisle, softly.

"She's doing okay. She's got some broken bones and she lost quite a bit of blood but they got the bleeding under control and have set the broken bones."

"Does she know that I'm leaving?"

"Yes."

"Does Edward know that I'm coming back to Forks early?"

"No. You asked me not to tell him, sweetheart. Have you changed your mind?"

"No. Please, you can't …." I broke off, my hysterics starting all over again.

"Shh, Bella." Carlisle soothed.

I flinched at his touch, but I couldn't help myself and that brought on a whole other round of hysteria.

I barely heard Carlisle call the nurse's station. He continued to talk to me in a soft voice as he pressed the plunger of a needle into my IV. My tears continued to fall as my eyelids got heavier and heavier.

The next day, I said goodbye to my Mom from the end of her hospital bed. She was sound asleep; unable to stay awake from the heavy dose of narcotics they had her on due to the extent of her injuries. I kissed her forehead and apologized for leaving. I couldn't bring myself to hug or kiss Phil. I just bid him goodbye and let my Dad and Carlisle wheel me out of the hospital.

I did okay in the car on the way to the airport. I was even okay walking through the terminals. But when I got onto the plane and I had to sit in that small space it was all over. Dad had bought us tickets in business class thinking that I'd be more comfortable but I was surrounded by so many men. When I looked around at them – albeit nervously – all I saw was _his_ face. Carlisle was concerned it would happen and he rightfully thought ahead and brought some anti-anxiety meds with him. Carlisle sat on one side while my Dad sat on the other and Carlisle handed me the pills while Dad rubbed my back and whispered soothing words. I freaked out at the thought of reaching into Carlisle's hand to take the pills from him and at the same time, I wouldn't allow him to dump them into my palm.

I was such a mess, Dad had to take the pills and put them in my mouth for me. He also held the bottle of water up to my mouth and had to coax me to drink and swallow the pills before they dissolved on my tongue.

I hated the fact that I was flinching away from Carlisle – he was like a father to me, and I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. My reaction was completely irrational but I couldn't help it. The pills Dad and Carlisle gave me made me drowsy – so much so that Dad had to help me buckle my seatbelt. He raised the armrest between us and wrapped his arm around me. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I remembered Dad trying to nudge me awake. We had already landed in Seattle, and Carlisle was waiting for us in the galley.

"Come on, baby girl. We're in Seattle. Just a few more hours and you can crawl into your bed where you'll be safe and sound, okay?"

I leaned heavily on him as I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and we made our way off the plane. Dad and Carlisle only brought small carry-ons so we didn't have to worry about gathering anything at baggage claim. We walked straight to the shuttle for the long term parking lot.

I felt like I could breathe again when I climbed inside the warm cab of Dad's truck. I sat in the back, allowing Carlisle to sit up front with Dad.

"Are you hungry, baby girl?" Dad asked, once we'd gotten off the ferry and were about halfway to Port Angeles.

"A little."

"Bella … will you please try and eat something? Even if it's something small you need to eat."

I nodded and went back to staring out the window. I felt a rush of emotions wash over me. I had planned on coming back to Forks on my own terms in my own way and yet here I was forced to leave when I wasn't ready. I had given up so much. Tears poured down my face – sorrow for things I wouldn't get to experience because my life had changed so drastically in the last seventy two hours.

We stopped at a little diner in Port Angeles and I ordered a bowl of soup to appease Dad and Carlisle. I hadn't recalled eating much in the past couple of days but that was because I was sure it would just come back up and more often than not, it did.

"She's in shock, Charlie. The best thing we can do for her is to make sure she's getting plenty of vitamins and if we need to, we'll give her protein shakes. The hardest thing will be getting her to a point where she can actually keep her food down."

The soup actually tasted good and before I realized it, I had finished the entire bowl. I looked up at Dad a bit sheepishly and he had a wry smile on his face. I could tell he thought it was a small victory.

It was well past nine p.m. when we got to Forks. We dropped Carlisle off at home, and before he climbed out of the truck, I reinforced my wishes that he not say anything to Edward about me being home. I wanted to tell him on my own terms in my own time.

"Bella … I won't go against your wishes. However, I do reserve the right to tell my wife. I can't tell her everything because of the doctor/patient thing, but she knows the general reason why I went to Phoenix so suddenly. She's going to want to check in on you and see with her own two eyes that you're okay."

I nodded but knew that I'd never allow it. I didn't want Esme to see me. I felt so defeated and broken. Tainted because some asshole decided that he had the right to try and take something that didn't belong to him.

_**Charlie POV**_

Bella was a mess – understandably so after the ordeal she'd been through. Phil had found Bella and her assailant in her bedroom. Her wrists and ankles were bound with duct tape and there was duct tape over her mouth. She had no chance against the asshole and I was so thankful that Phil walked in when he did. Apparently he heard Bella's screams from the garage and he grabbed a bat before going into the house. He hit the guy twice before he fell on top of my daughter – causing her to fall and hit her head on the footboard of her bed.

I could live with the insignificant scar Bella would have on her forehead. It was the internal scars I was worried about. The mild concussion she'd recover from – but the mental pictures were another issue.

I could see it all in my sweet little girl's eyes, and I wanted to take it all away for her. She was just beginning to come out of her shell and into her own. She was like a little candle in a dark room; a little light that could burn so bright against the darkness, and someone came along and snuffed her out.

When I got the call from Phil, I didn't think twice. I called Carlisle and asked him if he could come with me – I didn't trust anyone else with Bella – especially when I didn't know what state I'd find her in. Carlisle and Esme had been such good friends to me when Renee left with Bella all those years ago. Edward and I had even gotten closer – he'd become the son I'd always wanted. Bella played a big part in that as we both loved her unconditionally.

It nearly broke me when Bella flinched away from Carlisle. I knew it had everything to do with what she'd gone through and would continue to go through and nothing to do with Carlisle. I could see the hurt play across Bella's face as well – knowing that Carlisle would never hurt her.

I left Bella in Carlisle's care as I went to Phil's house to pick up a couple changes of clothes for Bella. If I knew my daughter at all – I knew she'd never want to set foot in that house again. Phil – God bless him, stayed with Bella until I arrived at the hospital. Renee was in surgery to set several broken bones – her right arm, pelvis and left ankle just to name a few. My heart went out to Renee and Phil because they were supposed to be happy and getting ready to leave for Mexico so they could get married. They had no idea that they'd never get on that plane.

I was asked to speak to the Phoenix Police Department on Bella's behalf because Renee was unable to. They explained that Felix Anderson was a former co-worker of Renee's and he had been let go due to several complaints of sexual harassment. Renee wasn't the only employee who had complaints against him, but apparently she was the one he was most fixated on and he came after her. I asked that they press charges against him for attempted rape and assault. I gave the Phoenix P.D. my lawyer's card, and told them anything else would go through him. They wanted a statement from Bella but I informed them that she wasn't in any state to give a rational statement. Carlisle had put her on anti-anxiety medication in an attempt to calm her down. I worried that she'd be on them for a long time to come.

"She'll get better, Charlie. We just have to give her time and our unconditional love and support."  
Carlisle promised.

I called Bella's school and explained that Bella had been assaulted in her soon-to-be stepfather's home and that she would be transferring back to Forks. I explained that I wasn't sure if she'd actually be returning to school immediately – homeschooling would probably be the easiest thing at least for the little time left in the school year. Bella was an exceptional student – she carried straight A's and I knew it wouldn't be hard for her to finish up the year.

Carlisle cleared Bella for travel and signed off on her discharge papers from the hospital and I made the arrangements for the three of us to return to Seattle. In the few moments I had with Renee, I told her I was taking Bella with me.

"It's for the best, Ren. She won't feel safe there. She was coming back in a couple months anyway … this just fast tracked her trip. You focus on getting yourself better and let me know if you need anything."

Tears fell down my ex-wife's face, but she knew I was right.

Phil couldn't argue. He'd have his hands full with taking care of Renee. He didn't need Bella to take care of too.

Bella wished Renee a teary goodbye and I wheeled her out of the hospital. I couldn't wait to get her home in hopes that it would offer her comfort. She did so well as we walked through the terminal, but when we boarded the plane – she looked around and noticed that our cabin was full of men, she began to panic.

Carlisle had the foresight to bring an anxiety prescription with him and pulled out two pills. Bella jerked away from his touch and she didn't dare reach into his hand to get the pills herself. She was scared – plain and simple. I took the pills from my friend and placed them in my daughter's mouth. She was shaking so badly that I had to force her to drink water before the pills dissolved on her tongue.

I wrapped my arms around her after buckling her into her seat, hoping it would give her some comfort. She slept the entire way to Seattle. Carlisle and I spent the time talking about the best way for me to deal with what Bella was going through. He suggested counseling and I knew that she would have to undergo that at some point, but I didn't want to force it on her so soon after.

Bella was adamant that Carlisle not mention to Edward what had happened. She didn't want him to know and I know she had her reasons which I'm sure went deeper than what she explained to Carlisle and I.

"I'm going to have to tell Esme," Carlisle said sadly. "She knows that Bella had an 'accident' and I asked her not to tell Edward anything until I got home, but Charlie, I can't keep this from my wife and son forever."

"I wouldn't ask you to do that, Carlisle. I know you need to tell Esme, but give Bella some time. Maybe she just needs to tell him on her own terms."

"Is she just afraid of his reaction?"

"I think that's part of it but it's got to be deeper than that. It is Bella we're talking about."

It was late afternoon when we got into Seattle and I knew that Bella had to be getting hungry. She hardly ate anything for breakfast that morning and I didn't feel comfortable giving her so many pills with nothing on her stomach. I asked her if she was hungry and when she answered that she was a little hungry, I decided that maybe it was a start.

We stopped at a diner that I'd been to several times before. Bella ordered a bowl of baked potato soup – one of her favorite 'comfort foods' or at least it had been when she was younger. I was shocked when she'd eaten the entire bowl and I took it as a small victory because I knew there would be so many more obstacles along the way.

After dropping Carlisle off at home and another round of begging on Bella's part that Carlisle not say a word to Edward, we went home. I pulled into the driveway and breathed a sigh of relief. I had my little girl home at last – not exactly in the mental or emotional state I wanted her in, but I'd take it.

We walked up the steps and onto the front porch and Bella froze behind me. I put my arm around her shoulder and attempted to usher her into the house.

"No! No! You go in there first … I can't … I just can't," Bella sobbed.

Torn between comforting my daughter and needing to get her into the house, I sighed and walked into the house, not knowing exactly what I was doing. I hung her backpack on the coat rack along with my own coat and I went upstairs and checked each room before descending the stairs and checking the kitchen, dining and living rooms.

"It's okay, baby girl." I said softly as I opened the door.

Bella looked up at me with teary eyes as if she wanted to apologize for her reaction earlier. She tentatively crossed the threshold, her eyes darting in every direction.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get you upstairs and settled into bed. It's been a long day for you."

After getting a glass of water from the kitchen and her meds from my suitcase, I walked Bella upstairs. She asked if I'd stay close while she brushed her teeth and changed into some pajamas. I pulled the comforter and sheets back on her bed and turned on the lamp in the corner.

As she crawled into bed, I realized that my daughter looked much older than her fifteen years. It seemed as if she had aged overnight.

I pointed to the pills and glass of water on the nightstand. Carlisle had prescribed a mild sleeping pill because Bella woke several times during her two nights in the hospital with horrible nightmares.

"I'm just in the next room if you need anything, Bella."

She nodded.

I kissed her forehead and tucked her under her blankets.

"I love you, baby girl. I'm so glad you're home."

She didn't wake up once that night but I got up several times just to check in on her. I woke up early the next morning and sat in the kitchen drinking my coffee wondering how long it would take before Esme called in a panic wanting to know what she could do. I decided to call Carlisle first. I knew he'd want to know how Bella had done overnight.

"Good morning, Charlie. How's Bella?

"She's still sleeping. I think she slept all night."

"Good. No problems once you got her home then?"

I explained to Carlisle about Bella not wanting to walk into the house until I'd come in and checked the entire house and flipped the lights on.

"That's understandable and that will take time. She knows deep down that it's safe, but her fear isn't helping her to think clearly."

"I know. I'm aware this is going to be a long road we're heading down."

"Esme wants to talk to you."

"I'm sure," I chuckled. "Put her on."

"Charlie? Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. How is Bella?"

"She's pretty messed up, Es. She's sleeping now, thank goodness."

"Oh, God. I can't wait to get over there and scoop her up."

"I bet. She's a little skittish right now, Esme and I'm not sure if she wants to be around other people. I think she only tolerated Carlisle because he was already there."

"Oh, poor baby." Esme said sadly. "Well, if she needs me I'm here."

"Es … I do need you to do something for me. Bella's going to need some clothes. Just a few things to get by until I can take her out and let her pick her own things. I didn't bring much from Phoenix and I'm sure it's going to be a while before Phil sends out the rest of her things."

"No problem, Charlie. I'll go out and get her some things this morning. Charlie … you know that Carlisle and I are going to have to say something to Edward. He's already questioning and when he can't get in touch with her over the phone … he'll know something is up."

"I know, Esme, and I know that I can't ask you to lie to your son. Let me talk to Bella today and see what she wants to do about Edward. It's going to hurt him to know that she's not up to seeing him. I know it hurts Bella too. No one is a winner in this situation."

There was a slight pause in the conversation and I could hear movement upstairs – it sounded like retching and I could hear the toilet flush.

"Bella's up … I have to go, Esme. I'll talk to you and Carlisle soon."

I didn't give her a chance to say goodbye. I hung up and ran up the stairs as fast as my old legs would carry me. I found Bella hanging over the toilet, violently emptying the contents of her stomach into it.

"Bella?"

"Sorry, Dad." She apologized.

I grabbed a washcloth and wet it in the sink before wiping her forehead.

"What happened?"

"Bad dream. I … I don't want to talk about it."

A couple of hours later, I was able to get her to nibble on a piece of toast and she'd had half a cup of tea. She'd managed to shower and get dressed, but she asked if I'd call Carlisle and ask him to come over and look at her wrists and ankles where the tape had wreaked havoc on her skin. I removed the bandages for her prior to her shower and her skin was red and angry – it almost looked like it had been burned.

Carlisle said he'd be over that afternoon and he'd bring Esme with him – she'd gone as promised and did a little shopping for Bella. She also wanted to come and see Bella with her own two eyes no matter what Carlisle and I said to her.

Bella sat on the couch watching meaningless TV when they knocked on the door. Her eyes went wide and I promised her it would be okay.

"It's probably just Carlisle coming to check your skin, baby girl. Relax, no one can get you here, okay?"

I opened the door and welcomed Carlisle and Esme in. Esme looked up at me with apologetic eyes and held out the shopping bags to me.

"I'll take her and get her a few more things when she's feeling up to it." Esme said quietly.

Carlisle entered the living room and slowly made his way to the couch. Bella curled up into a little ball in the corner of the couch. I could see her closing her eyes and trying to take deep breaths. Esme watched Bella from behind me and I could hear her quiet sobs as she watched my daughter flinch away from her husband.

"Carlisle," Esme sobbed.

My friend moved from the couch and let his wife sit on the cushion next to Bella. She opened her arms and tried to coax her out of the ball she'd rolled herself up in.

"Bella, sweetheart … come here, honey." Esme cooed.

Bella opened her eyes wide and choked back a sob as she flew into Esme's arms. I watched as Bella held on to her tightly and the tears flowed from her eyes like a dam had broken.

* * *

**A/N: Not exactly the way Bella wanted to come home, but at least she's there where she'll have love and support right? This was a difficult chapter to write, and I'm sure it wasn't easy to read but I hope there are a few of you that are still with me – there are still bumpy times ahead, after all – some one's got to break to Edward what happened to bring Bella home so suddenly ….**

**Thoughts?**


	16. Chapter 16

All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to darcysmom, twimom817 and EdwardsMyObsession1971 for beta'ing and pre-reading. I greatly appreciate their help and support.

* * *

Never Let Go

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

* * *

**Bella**

I was so out of it that I hadn't realized it was Carlisle that sat next to me on the couch. Only the fact that it was a man's voice – other than my Dad's registered. When I realized it was Carlisle, I felt horrible and curled even further into myself. Squeezing my eyes shut, I chastised myself for acting this way. I knew Carlisle was coming over, and I shouldn't have been surprised to hear the knock on the door. I felt movement on the couch next to me and the scent of honeysuckle wafted over me.

Only one person I know smelled like that and I wasn't sure if I wanted to see her or not.

I opened my eyes to find Esme sitting next to me. Her eyes were full of concern, her arms warm and waiting.

"Bella, sweetheart … come here, honey." Esme cooed.

I leapt into her embrace and hugged her tightly. The torrent of tears that flowed down my face couldn't be helped. It felt so good to be wrapped in a mother's loving arms. It had been so long since I'd felt pure, unconditional love, and it was wonderful.

"Shh …." Esme crooned. "Everything will be okay."

She held me until my tears ran out and continued to hold me while Carlisle examined my wrists and ankles. My skin was still red and tender. Carlisle apologized for any stinging before he applied ointment and rewrapped them. Esme told me about the clothes she had purchased for me earlier that morning. I was thankful she had done that for me. I had no desire whatsoever to leave the house.

"When you feel up to it, we'll have a girl's day and go shopping in Olympia."

I nodded, hoping that one day I'd feel up to going.

I settled in on the couch, curled up next to Esme. My arm was wrapped around her and held her hand in mine; it was the most comfortable I'd felt since walking home that fateful day.

"Bella … what do you want us to tell Edward, sweetheart?" Esme asked softly.

"I don't know." I whispered sadly.

"He's already asking questions, and he'll know something is wrong when he calls and you don't answer."

"Baby girl … I called and shut your phone line off this morning. Edward will panic when he calls and your phone line is disconnected."

"If you tell him I'm here, he'll want to come over."

"Charlie? Carlisle? Can you give Bella and I a few minutes?" Esme asked.

Dad and Carlisle stepped out the front door onto the porch and closed the door behind them.

Once Esme saw that the door was shut, she turned to me.

"Talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me why you're so adamant about keeping this from Edward."

"Something bad happened to me, Esme. I don't know what Carlisle and my Dad told you, but it was awful," I sobbed. "I don't want Edward to know because it would kill him and … I can't … I can't bear the thought of him looking at me differently because of it."

"Oh, Bella," Esme whispered as she pulled me into her arms once again. "All I know is that you were assaulted – Carlisle didn't give me the details. I understand why you might feel the way you do, but do you really think that Edward would look at you with anything less that complete love and affection? I do agree, however, that he won't take the news of you having been assaulted very well at all, but that anger will fade quickly and his concern for you will overshadow that."

"Esme … I'm a mess. I don't even know if I could be around Edward right now. You saw how I flinched away from Carlisle. I know I'm safe with him and it happened anyway. It's crazy but I can't help it. Can you imagine how Edward would feel if I did that to him?"

"Sweetheart, how do you know that you'd flinch away from Edward?"

"I don't … but I don't want to push my luck either. I can't hurt him like that."

"So you're going stay away from him and ask him to stay away from you?"

I nodded.

"Tell him that I'm home because I was … as …."

"Assaulted?" Esme finished for me.

"Yeah …. Tell him that I love him and I miss him but that I'm not ready to see him. I need some time, Esme." I sobbed. "Tell him that when I'm ready, I'll tell him everything, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take me to get to that point."

"I can tell him that, sweetheart."

"Is he going to hate me?" I asked, my tears still flowing down my cheeks.

"No, Bella. He won't hate you but he won't fully understand until you open up and talk to him."

"I can't … I can't do that right now. Oh God, Esme, the nightmares are so bad. I can hear his voice telling me what he was going to do to me and how much better I was going to be than my Mom. I don't want to sleep because he comes back in my dreams."

Esme held me tight in her arms and I could hear her sobbing with me. I vaguely heard Dad and Carlisle ask if everything was okay and Esme told them no.

"I'd like to stay here tonight, Charlie, if that's okay. Bella needs a Mom right now."

"Es … I can't pull you away from Edward and Carlisle – they need you too."

"Bella needs me more. You understand, don't you Carlisle?"

"Of course, love. Edward and I will be fine."

Eventually, I settled down, and Carlisle gave me another anti-anxiety pill. Esme walked me upstairs to my room and sat down on the bed next to me, drawing circles on my back until I fell asleep. When I woke up a couple hours later, she was sitting in the chair in the corner of my room, reading a book.

Thank God for Esme those first few days. The second night was the roughest, and somehow she knew it would be. She went home while I was sleeping, and when Edward got home from baseball practice, she and Carlisle told him the basics of what happened to me. Just as I expected, he wanted them to bring him over to see me right away. Esme explained that I wasn't in any state to see visitors – even him. She came back and stayed the night with me as promised.

I tried to help Dad get the paperwork together so that he could register me for school the following day. It should have been a simple transfer, but I asked Dad if I could do homeschool for the rest of the year which was only two and a half months.

"I want to get you back to a normal routine, Bella. Part of that will be going to Forks High School."

"No … I'm … I … no Dad. Please don't make me." I sat at the table shaking my head.

Esme sat next to me holding my hand, trying to soothe me but it just wasn't working. I was working myself into another panic attack.

Dad knelt down beside me and gently rubbed my arm.

"Shhh, Bella. It's okay. I won't push it because it's only a couple of months. But you're not going to slack okay?"

I nodded and tried to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you talked to Phil or Mom today?"

"Yeah. I talked to Phil this morning. Your mom has some type of infection in her lung so they're keeping her pretty heavily medicated so they can fight the infection."

"How's Phil?"

"Honestly? He's devastated, kiddo. He and your Mom were so looking forward to their wedding and spending some time with you in Mexico, and then this shit happened, and your mom's in the hospital and you've come back to Forks to live with me. It's not exactly how he wanted things to play out – how anyone wanted them to play out."

"I feel horrible that I just left them."

"Bella …" Esme chastised. "Don't you feel bad. Your mom has a long recovery ahead of her – it's going to take her some time to heal – mentally, emotionally and physically. Some things she may never overcome. It's possible that she'll heal faster knowing that you are taken care of and she can focus on getting better."

"Esme's right, baby girl. Phil understands. He knows that you wouldn't have wanted to go back to the house. He also knows that you have your own healing to do."

I sat and thought about all my mom's injuries – at least the ones I knew about. I knew she'd been raped – Phil told me that much and if it hadn't been for Phil, I would have been too.

Esme must have known what I was thinking about because I retreated further and further into my head.

"Come on, Bella let's get you upstairs and into a nice bath then we can tuck you into bed."

Esme let Dad get me up the stairs. He sat me on the toilet while she grabbed some pajamas and things for me out of my room. She helped me stand and I undressed myself while the water poured into the tub.

I could hear her gasp as she took in the bruises all over my body; on my breasts where he had grabbed me and dug his fingers in deeply; on my back where he pushed his knee against me as he wrapped the tape around my hands and ankles; on my hip where the weight of his body pushed against me as we hit the floor.

I looked up at her ashamed that she had to see me like that and her eyes were brimming with tears.

"Please don't, Esme. Don't pity me," I choked.

"I don't pity you, Bella. I feel sad that this happened to you and you have to relive those moments. I wish more than anything that I could take them all away, sweetheart. No mother ever wants this for their child."

I hugged her fiercely before realizing that I was naked as the day I was born. I shied away quickly and stepped into the bathtub.

My dreams were awful that night. Not all of them were about him – some of them were about Edward. He found out what happened to me and he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I dreamt that I went back to school and the other kids were mean to me. They would laugh and point at me saying I was the girl who was assaulted and afraid of men. Edward stood with Jasper and Alice and they laughed too – saying that I wasn't strong enough to defend myself and that I deserved what happened to me.

I woke up from that particular dream in a hysterical fit. It took several minutes for Esme to calm me down, but she did. She even forced me to tell her what the dream was about. I felt awful that my subconscious would even conjure such a dream. Esme promised me that Edward and our friends would never treat me that way.

I was exhausted the next morning when I finally woke up. I hadn't ever recalled being tired after sleeping but I was and Esme looked just as tired as I felt.

"Sorry I kept you up all night," I apologized.

"It's okay, sweetheart." She smiled.

"Bella … I think you should call Alice today. She'd love to hear from you, and I think it would help you to have a girlfriend around."

I nodded knowing she was right, but I was afraid of Alice's reaction too.

"Bella … I know what you're thinking. Alice isn't going to look at you any differently. Deep down, under your fears you're the same Bella that we love so very much."

I wished more than anything I knew how to find that Bella.

**EPOV**

I don't know why, but something felt off that Thursday afternoon before school let out for spring break. My morning had gone by without a hitch – I'd had a couple of mid-terms and I felt pretty confident that I'd aced them without incident. We had a baseball game that afternoon – a home game. I looked around, hoping to see my parents and Charlie in the crowd but my Mom sat on the bleachers by herself. She wore a worried expression on her face and her eyes were puffy like she'd been crying.

As I gathered my stuff from the dugout and headed toward the locker room, I stopped to talk to her.

"Is everything okay, Mom?"

"Your Dad had to leave town for an emergency. I'm just waiting for him to call, sweetheart."

"Where's Charlie?"

"He's with your father, honey."

My mind immediately went to Bella and the sinking feeling I had in my stomach that rolled in just before the game started.

"Is Bella okay?"

"I don't know anything , sweetheart. I can only assume something happened with Bella because Charlie was panicked and asked your father to go with him. If that is the case, they've gone to Phoenix and they'll call after they arrive."

"How long ago did they leave?"

"About an hour ago."

"Okay. Let me go grab my stuff from the locker room and we'll go home and wait for them to call."

Mom nodded and I jogged to the locker room.

We stopped and got a pizza on our way home, knowing that it would be a few hours before we'd hear anything. After dinner, I showered and came down to sit with Mom on the couch. The phone sat ominously on the coffee table. I had one more test to study for the following day so I pulled out my book and pulled out my notes but I couldn't focus. My thoughts continued to wonder to Bella and before I knew it, I was picking up the phone and dialing her number.

"_Hi, you've reached Bella. I can't come to the phone because I'm either at rehearsal, practice, or piano lessons. Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!"_

My mom lifted her head from the pillow at the end of the couch as I listened to Bella's message.

"Anything?" She asked.

"No, just her machine."

"Didn't Dad say anything?" I whined.

"No, honey. All he said was Charlie got a call from Phil and was on his way to Phoenix and needed him to go with him. He said he'd call when he had more information."

Mom and I fell asleep on the couch and woke up just after two a.m. to the shrill ringing of the phone.

"Carlisle?" Mom asked groggily.

She jumped up from her spot on the couch and went into the kitchen. I couldn't hear all the conversation from where I was sitting so I followed her. She sat at the breakfast bar with her head in her hand listening intently to whatever my Dad was saying.

"Okay. Call us soon, we're so worried. Tell Charlie if he needs me to do anything on this end to call me, okay? I love you, babe. Bye."

Mom sat the phone on the counter and looked up at me. Tears were welling in her eyes and she looked tired.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"Not much. There was some sort of incident at the house concerning Bella and her mother. They are both at the hospital. Renee is in surgery and Bella has a pretty good bump on her head. Dad says she's in and out of consciousness, but she's okay. He said she'll be fine when her pain medication wears off."

"What happened to them? What kind of incident?"

"Dad didn't say, sweetheart. He'll call again in the morning when everyone has had a chance to get a little sleep and calm down. Now I want you to go on up to bed. He promised that Bella would be okay and that you shouldn't worry."

I trudged through my final the next day. Thankfully, it was a pretty easy subject for me and I wasn't worried about it. I did however, worry about Bella all day. I hoped that when I got home that afternoon that my mom had a little more information.

"I haven't heard anything, Edward." Mom smiled just as I was opening my mouth to ask.

"Nothing?"

"No, sweetheart. I would tell you if I heard anything."

That night, Jazz came over and we played video games in an attempt to keep my mind off of Bella. I'd told him, Alice and Emmett what was going on with Bella and they were as frustrated as I was that we didn't have more information.

Jazz wanted me to stay over at his house that night, but I didn't want to leave in case Dad or Bella called.

"Edward … go on, I'll call you if I hear anything." Mom encouraged.

The next morning, Jazz's mom took me home bright and early. Mom was just hanging up the phone as I walked in the door.

"That was your Dad. They'll be home sometime tomorrow."

"How's Bella?"

"She's still in the hospital. Your Dad has taken over her care but she's got a mild concussion and is suffering some side effects from it. He didn't go into greater detail than that. He sounds exhausted. He did say that he hasn't left the hospital since they arrived in Phoenix. He's been staying with Bella, so Charlie can take care of some things."

I was so anxious for my Dad to get home the following day. I wanted to ask him so many things. I wanted to know when Bella was going to be home from the hospital. I needed to hear her voice and have her tell me that she was okay.

Dad looked beat when he walked in the front door the next day. While I helped Mom get dinner on the table, he showered and came downstairs looking tired but marginally better.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Edward, Son, that's not my story to tell. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to have some patience in getting the answer to that."

"Why do I get the feeling that it was something horrible? I had a bad feeling on Thursday that started just before my game."

"Don't let your imagination run away with you, Son."

"I can't help it, Dad. How's Bella?"

"She's … she's okay. She's got a pretty good bump on her head but she'll be fine."

"Did you release her from the hospital?"

"I did. Listen, Son … give her some space, okay? She knows you're concerned and she'll talk to you when she's ready, okay?"

"Did you tell her I was worried about her?"

"I did, Edward. Bella is well aware as to how concerned you are. She asked me to tell you that she'll be in touch."

"Were those her exact words?"

"No, Son." He chuckled. "I'm paraphrasing, but it gets the point across, does it not?"

I nodded.

Monday morning, I had Mom and Dad drop me off at the ball field. It was spring break and Emmett, Jazz and I were planning on throwing the ball around for a few hours before we went over to Emmett's to hang out. We had baseball practice later that afternoon and went straight from Emmett's to practice.

Dad picked me up from practice and took me straight home. Mom had cooked my favorite meal of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy and apple crumble for dessert. I showered quickly and took my place at the table.

"Son, we need to talk to you about Bella."

Dad's tone of voice had me on edge. Something was wrong – _really_ wrong.

"What about her? Is she okay?"

"Yes and no." Dad replied.

"Sweetheart … listen to everything we have to say before you go jumping out of your seat, okay?" Mom asked.

I nodded.

"Edward … Bella is home with Charlie. Your father and Charlie brought her home yesterday to stay. That said, you can't go running over there to see her. She's in a pretty bad way. Thursday's events have altered her and she asked me to tell you that she loves and misses you very much but she's not ready to see you."

"What?" I asked, barely holding in my emotions. "What exactly happened to her in Phoenix?"

"That's not our story to tell, Son."

"You keep saying that," I growled, gritting my teeth.

"Edward, sweetheart, I'm going over there tonight to stay with Bella for a while … she needs a mother right now. I will talk to her and see if I can't get her to talk to you, okay? I know how worried you are, but she's a bit … skittish and frightened beyond belief. So, as your father suggested, give Bella some space and let her come to you, okay?"

"Mom …" I said, shakily. Tears formed in my eyes and I tried mightily to blink them back but was unsuccessful.

Mom rounded the table and pulled me into her arms.

"Take care of her, Mom. She's everything," I sobbed.

"I know, honey. I know she is."

"Tell her I love her and I'm always here for her."

"Oh baby, she promised that when she's ready, she'll tell you everything. We just have to get her to a point where she's comfortable enough to do that."

"Tell her to call Alice. Alice is worried about her too. Make sure she knows that she's not alone." I begged.

"I'll tell her, Edward. I'm sure she'll be reassured to know that she's got plenty of people who love her and care about her."

I watched as Mom pulled out of our drive and headed to Bella's. I decided to go upstairs and write Bella a letter. If I couldn't tell her over the phone how worried I was and how much I cared for her, I'd put it into words on paper. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine that it would be a year before I saw or heard from Bella again.

* * *

**A/N: I know … a year is a long time and these two have been through so much together and apart. Bella's been through some heavy stuff – stuff that is difficult for an adult to deal with let alone a teenager. She's scared – she doesn't want Edward to pity her and she knows that he'll wish that he had been there to protect her. Now it's all up to her … but go easy on her – she thinks she's protecting them both.**

**Thoughts?**


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